parents and stuff

[ChrisIsCallisto]

this is long and im not good with words, so if it makes no sence, please try and peice togehter everything :L

right, as some of you will know, im still a minor, only 15 years old (dispite looking about 22 :L). this means, obviously, im still living with parents, well my grandparents. they have a residence order on me, so i can go abroad with permission of my dad (it would be dad and mum, but my mum passed away late last year ). now, i know my dad would be all for me going to canada, and so would my grandad, but my nan is over protective.
ive got alot of things sorted out allready, where i can stay (with her family) how much the flights and stuff will cost, even dates. the only 2 things i need are money (which i can get hold of) and to tell my parents.

my grandparents dont know i have a gf, let alone one that lives in canada. now me and my grandaparents have allways had a very closed relationship, as far as girls and friends are concerned. there embarrasing and that leads me to not telling them much about my personal life. so it makes it hard for me to even tell them im with a girl, let alone someone who lives half way across the earth. this is my main problem, telling them im with someone who lives so far away, they know i speek to someone who lives over there, because of my phone bill last month (woops) and a letter i got through, but they dont know im with her.

and once ive got that done with i need to make the proposition of them letting me go to canada. as id have to pay for myself (ive spoken to them about going before) i wouldnt be able to afford anyone else to come with me. i spoke to my grandad about me and him going there just me and him, but he said he wouldnt be able to leve my nan at home because she has a few illness's. so that ideas out of the equasion.

the ONLY solution i can think of is to go there on my own and stay there with my SO (who is only a year older than me and lives with her family, who all know about me). i personaly dont see a problem with this (even though i can understand my nans concern). mine and her parents would be able to speek, well, her mum couldnt because of language barriers, but things could be organised and my family could speek to theres to make sure everythings ok.

so i went downstairs today to tell my nan all this, yet, i just froze, i couldnt tell her, and idk why :/

so iff nyone has any advice, wether youve told your parents, or your kids have told you there in an ldr? just anything. it would mean the WORLD to me

thanks

[garnet]

Hmmm.... due to your ages, and the short time you've been together, I would have to suggest that you take it one step at a time, and slow down a bit. First I'd let you family in on the fact that you have this girlfriend. Give them some time to absorb that. Let them see that you two can stick it out and wait a little while. One month of dating is pretty fast to meet at your ages and with your circumstances. I certainly understand the desire to meet as soon as possible, but you might have an easier time with it, if your family was in on it all, and you gave them some time to see a real relationship happening.
I am in no way saying you are too young, or anything like that. I am just trying to give you an idea of what might help your grandparents and dad to accept this.
I am 29 years old, and I waited 8 months to meet my SO in person (he's from Canada too). I know waiting is HARD. So yeah, that is my best advice, just let them in on having the girlfriend first. No need to mention a visit just yet. Your relationship will deepen with time right? So if it takes a few extra months, it will be all the better when you do meet in person.

[folclor]

well, if your grandparents know you have an interest in canada my suggestion would be saying you want to go visit this city because you think it's neat or you just want to travel some and you'd really like to go to this specific place and you made a friend whose parents invited you to stay at their house so you were wanting to go. ^^;; that's what I told my parents. they don't know I'm with Alex yet.

[garnet]

Marian, you're 20 though. It could be a really bad idea to omit details when you're 15. His gf isn't just a friend. I don't think telling a half truth is a good idea in his case. JMO.

[ChrisIsCallisto]

yeah, i was thinking of making up some sort of story, br it truth, half truth or just complete lies. but i lie enuf to my parents about alot of things, but there only small things, and i feel they have a right to know where i am etc iff i go. i would say that i just wanted to go there, but unless i was with one of my 'responsible' friends my parents wouldnt let me, even iff i was ging to stay at hers. and im more likely to be able to go if i say im staying with my SO and not just a friend.

[Zephii]

Yay Canada! My SO is Canadian too. We met online when I was 17, and it took us years - not months- to finally meet in person, so obviously I'm biased, but I think you need to slow down! I know it feels like you've known each other, been in love and waited forever... waiting is hard! but you're probably better off to spend another 6 months or so really truly getting to know each other, and getting your family used to the idea she is in your life.

I don't really have advice for how to tell your family, but I'd probably just mention her in conversations a bit more frequently until they actually ask who she is

[xsomanymilesx]

YAY for canada again
i am dealing with a similar situation - my boyfriend lives in canada and i live in england.. hes also a year and a half older than me. hes coming here in october for a week to see me - but i have yet to tell my parents about him let alone the fact hes coming over!
the reason im dealing with a situation similar is that me and my SO want to spend christmas together in canada this year - i'll be 17 when i go but i just know my parents will freak out - also very over protective :S
does your grandad know about her? or do both of them not know? just when you said about the trip to canada if your grandad knows he can kindof back you up in the situation - definitely if you are close with him id say tell him first!
but dont tell them as in like... i met a girl online and i am crazy inlove i will have a tantrum if you dont let us be together way... just tell them causally your talking to a girl over the computer. maybe if they saw her on webcam theyd feel better - i know my grandad would not underdtand if i just told him but if i showed him my SO on like skype or webcam he would get the hang of it. i agree with garnet about taking it one step at a time.
your gonna be 16 soon anyways - the good thing about grandparents is that they're always like ' at 16 i was working a job and providing for myself ectt' so you can kindof use that when you tell them: ' well surely then i am old enough to fly to canada on my own'
:P i hope this helps.
good luck!

[Semperfikindoflove]

It's hard for parents to understand if they haven't been through it. But give them a chance, explain to them how you feel. Maybe they will get it, you don't give them enough credit. If they are married and your grandparents, they probably know what love is and how hard it is to find. Explain the situation and just try to get them to help you out. Don't give up because you're afraid of what they might say but make sure her parents are in on it or it could turn back in your face. Keep your head up and approach the subject lightly and sweetly. Good luck!

[Mio]

I really think you should talk, and maybe make them all talk so they feel safe. It's a big step for parents to let you go.

[Puramu]

I agree with everyone, telling them about your SO will be a good thing in the end. And time to absorb it all and build trust is the next step. I've had my bf talk to my mom, me talk to his mom and both of our moms talk just to build trust and have everyone comfortable with everything xD Yet my mom's STILL weary, so when I go to visit my bf (Canada, woot!) she might be coming along. It might be good for me in the end since I've never rode a plane before, heh. But yes, best of luck with it.

[ChrisIsCallisto]

i think ive decided to get the money, then speek to my parents about it. there the sort of people who iff they see that im doing work and stuff, and am able to get the money, they will consider me more 'adult'. but iff i said to them iff i can get the money, they wouldnt trust me to get it, as ive litteraly never savbed money in my life :L

[Swederica]

I understand their concern. And i have somewhat a similar thing.

I didn't tell my dad about my gf until very recently. I didn't know what to expect but he was very supportive of me and tried to help me in every way.
Ofc i'm older than you, i'm 19, so they accept it better.

But my problems with parents goes to convincing my girlfriends parents i'm good news and wouldn't hurt their daughter even if my own life was depending on it.

But i think you should just tell them the truth.