SO lives in Violent area

[sweetleya]

So hey,
I am hoping to find someone on this site who can identify with what me and my boyfriend are going through.

He lives in Syria and as some of you may know it is a country in the Middle East that is basically coming to civil war.

My baby hears gunshots almsot everyday, witnesses deaths, etc...

Being in a LDR where our parents don't support it, with little money, and him living in turmoil...is stressful on our relationship. We are doing okay though.
I was jstu wondering if anyone has advice for me on how to better cope with it and be there for him. Or if anyone can identify with my situation? It woudl be great to talk to someone who understand

....I probaly shoud have done this first, but we met on livemocha Oct. 2010 and began a relationship Feb 2011 andddd I flew to meet him in Lebanon Sep 2011 <3

We love eachother sooooooooooo much and both feel heartbroken sometimes because everything seems to be against us, but we are keeping eachohter to stay positve and continuing to stay strong <3

[HollzHeartsChris]

Heck, that must be a really difficult and dangerous place to be in right now =( I've been watching the news, some of the things that have been said are pretty scary! I don't have any advice but I will say I hope everything works out for you guys. Staying strong is the only real thing you can do right now.

I really do hope this conflict in Syria ends soon, I hate to see what's been going on there, always makes me feel sad..

[DemonxOisin]

Wow :S.

My SO is from Mexico City, and his Father and Grandmother just got hijacked the other day. Everyone was alright, but it leaves such a horrible feeling. Granted, MC is probably no where near as scary as Syria, but I just wanted to show my love and empathy for what you are going through :S

Also, I wanted to commend the two of you on staying positive. It is so hard to do in your situation, but staying strong and keeping a smile on your face is the best way to do get through tough times like the ones you are going through. Here is a virtual hug for you :P <3 Best wishes for you two!

[sarahbear]

My dad was born and raised in Syria. I have been back there three times before the revolutions broke out and it really did use to be pretty peaceful. What part is your SO from? The city where my grandparents (and my 15 cousins and 6 aunts and uncles) is in the heart of the violence. My dad will be talking to them on the phone and he can hear the gunshots and they can't work because it's not safe to walk around. It's so, so sad that the government is doing this to their own people.

My SO isn't in a violent area so I'm sorry this isn't too relevant :/ I just wanted to let you know if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here! I hope it ends soon and your SO can finally live safely and freely along with the rest of the country. If you ever have the chance to go, you should (once this all ends of course). It's a really good experience!

[kittyo9]

Being in a LDR where our parents don't support it, with little money, and him living in turmoil...is stressful on our relationship.

I know exactly what you mean. =/ My boyfriend lives in Peru. While the situation in Peru is not as dire as in Syria, there is still serious crime and corruption there, and my boyfriend happens to be in a particular position where a few wrong words to the wrong people could actually lead to fearing for his and his mother's lives. This has to do with some stuff that happened with his family, though, and most days we don't worry about it because they mostly stay out of contact.

My parents are unsupportive as well. Well, I wouldn't necessarily call it "unsupportive," but they are hindering me. We have not been able to meet in person yet, and he has been unable to procure a visa to come to the states, so it's up to me now... but because we have not met and because of Peru's unstable condition, my mother has severe worries about my safety, both with him and with the country. Could I ask under what conditions you were able to meet your SO? Like, did you go alone? How did you arrange the trip? How did you handle your parents?

And the money. Oh, the money. Peru is a developing country and my boyfriend, while enrolled full-time in school, also works doing research with one of his professors. It's not much, though. I worked for 10 weeks over the summer on a research fellowship and made more money than he would make in 10 months. He has saved all the money from all of his paychecks for over a year now and has spent $280 of it trying (unsuccessfully) to get a visa to come here to see me. Furthermore, part of the reason he has been denied is likely associated with his low financial status. It's just not fair.

We love eachother sooooooooooo much and both feel heartbroken sometimes because everything seems to be against us

This, too. Everything has kept us apart. It has been extremely stressful on our relationship. We don't want to break up, but the pressure I am now under is often overwhelming. We try really hard to be reassuring to one another, though.

I sincerely hope that your SO stays safe and that you will be able to be together in a safe environment soon.

[sweetleya]

I just wanted to let you know if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here! I hope it ends soon and your SO can finally live safely and freely along with the rest of the country. If you ever have the chance to go, you should (once this all ends of course). It's a really good experience]

Thanks for the support ^_^ My bf is in Damascus, not in the cities that are under siege, but still God bless the people of Syria.
But yeah, someday if I ever had the opportunity I would love to visit the country where my bf grew up, it would be an unforgettable experience.

[sweetleya]

I know exactly what you mean. =/ My boyfriend lives in Peru. While the situation in Peru is not as dire as in Syria, there is still serious crime and corruption there, and my boyfriend happens to be in a particular position where a few wrong words to the wrong people could actually lead to fearing for his and his mother's lives. This has to do with some stuff that happened with his family, though, and most days we don't worry about it because they mostly stay out of contact.

My parents are unsupportive as well. Well, I wouldn't necessarily call it "unsupportive," but they are hindering me. We have not been able to meet in person yet, and he has been unable to procure a visa to come to the states, so it's up to me now... but because we have not met and because of Peru's unstable condition, my mother has severe worries about my safety, both with him and with the country. Could I ask under what conditions you were able to meet your SO? Like, did you go alone? How did you arrange the trip? How did you handle your parents?

And the money. Oh, the money. Peru is a developing country and my boyfriend, while enrolled full-time in school, also works doing research with one of his professors. It's not much, though. I worked for 10 weeks over the summer on a research fellowship and made more money than he would make in 10 months. He has saved all the money from all of his paychecks for over a year now and has spent $280 of it trying (unsuccessfully) to get a visa to come here to see me. Furthermore, part of the reason he has been denied is likely associated with his low financial status. It's just not fair.



This, too. Everything has kept us apart. It has been extremely stressful on our relationship. We don't want to break up, but the pressure I am now under is often overwhelming. We try really hard to be reassuring to one another, though.

I sincerely hope that your SO stays safe and that you will be able to be together in a safe environment soon.

It's so nice to know there is someone who knows what it feels like. ^_^
And the money, my boyfriends situation sounds almsot exactly like yours and I saved up money all summer to go emet my boyfriend, it was the only way we could afford to meet....

In answering you question about how I went about emeting him....
I only live with my parents during the summer, the rest of the year I am on my own at school, so I have my independence as an adult. What i did was crazy to most people and even a little to myself.... I booked the flight one week in advance, (it included a 14 hour delay hehe cheapest there was) and my best friend was the only person I told about it. She drove me to the airport during my first week of school and i met him in beirut, lebanon for 3 days. I flew over to the Middle East all on my own without knowing any arabic AND without telling my parents. I knew they would say no and I told myself I can not feel guilty about this because I earned teh money all on my own working my sumer job and I am a young adult who is maturing and growing and who can decide what is best for myself.

So yeh, it was amazingggggg, granted I was exhuasted from traveling 30 hours to get there with all the delays, but soooo worth it. Something crazily exciting about hopping a plane and meeting the love of your life for the first time adn he was worth it. The only reason I felt safe enough doing this was because I knew i could trust him. We had skyped hundereds of times, i had seen dozens of family photos, met some of his friends on skype, adn he had been talking to my best friend as well through facebook.

More about the parents....well, I had to use my phone internationaly so I knew since my parenst still payed for my phone I was gonna have to tell them....So I told my parents a week after I got back and well, hionestly, tehy took it awful...said I crazy, dilusional, naive, disrespectful....adn yes i felt guilty for not telling htem because they are my parents and they love me, but I can't have them make all of my decisions for me.

It is better now between my family but they continually ask me when I will end it with my bf. I jsut laugh and try to brush it off....It hurts not haviing family supprt, but I need to understand that they are not able to understand that an online relationship can be VERY real. They jstu want the best for me, even if we don;t agree on what is best hehe

WOW long response haha

I know how you feel with the stress on teh relationship, it can break people apart so easily Stay strong as you seem to have been and get positive support from a close friend, that has helped em the most through this. Or talk to me anytime ^_^
I hope you can meet him soon sometime, what are you plans for that as of now?
Take Care

[lucybelle]

My SO is from a rough part of town. And we now live about 4 blocks from the place he was once kidnapped and threatened to be killed But for the most part crime in this area is mostly non-violent. Meaning pick pockets, muggings, etc.

I think the couples who could most identify with your situation would be those in relationships with people in the armed services. Their loved ones are also day in and day out in battlefields and constant danger. Perhaps you could find a forum or support group for people with SOs in the military. It's not easy and I can't imagine how worried you must constantly be.

One of my good friends is from Syria and now living in France. He has changed his name on facebook *just in case* someone might try to track him down. It's very scary.

[alNimsa]

Wow this must be a difficult situation for you two. I have friends in Syria, Iraq, Egypt, Tunisia and Japan, so I had to worry a lot in 2011. But thankfully My SOs Country Saudi Arabia is quiet. I donīt know what you could do in this situation. Just stay strong. But I know you feel that strying strong is to little. You would like to help your SO.

I send houndrets of millions of positive feelings to you and to your SO