Just one of those weeks.
So this last week has been a bit overwhelming, and not in a good way...just really need to vent tonight.
Last Monday my ex (who is the father of my child, and still a good friend of mine) called me and yelled in frustration for an hour. His roommate, who also happens to be one of my closest friends, made a selfish decision that badly impacts my ex and also could potentially change my plans to move to be with J (it's sort of a long story.) When J got home from work that day we talked about it, but barely had time to regroup from it when the next thing hit...he got a call the next morning from his mother, saying his grandmother just suffered a massive heart attack and didn't have much time left.
So of course, my poor guy raced home, a three hour drive in...well, Canadian winter weather. He stayed with them until Friday, drove back home, and wasn't even back for 12 hours before he got the call that she had passed away. Now he's back there, dealing with his own grief as well as playing peacemaker between his two bickering older siblings (keep in mind, they're both in their mid-late 30's...they should know better.) In the little bit of time that I've had to talk to him, I've tried my level best to be there for him and try to help, but it's simply not enough for either of us. Of course, between plane ticket cost and my job, going out there is out of the question.
Meanwhile, back here in the coastal Pacific Northwest, we got hit by insane winds and flooding this week. My town has been nearly an island, as most of the routes out have been closed due to landslides or road collapses. At my work, customers and coworkers have been in FOUL moods because of the storms, and while I try not to take it personally, it's really difficult. And the only social thing I do every week (choir practice) was cancelled, understandably because of the weather, but...
So I just have all this stuff jumbled inside my brain right now. I'm missing J like crazy and my heart hurts terribly for him and his family. I know all my whining here about my crummy week is TOTALLY not even close to what he's going through right now, and if anybody wishes I were in Canada more than me, it's him. This is truly one of the worst parts about being in an LDR...I can handle the day-to-day routine of life without him for the most part, but when something bad happens, it's awful.
And most of the me-activities I would normally have every week, the things that keep me happy and emotionally healthy, haven't happened this week. Choir practice, no-go. My nightly chats with J have gone from a few hours to 15-20 minutes and a few scattered texts. I talk to one of my close friends on an almost nightly basis as well...but he's the one I referred to earlier, and he knows better than to call me right now (nor is he very good at being a shoulder, anyway.) And then I come back to feeling SO guilty for feeling sorry for myself. Sigh...
All I can do is listen to J and be his rock. But all I can do isn't enough, and it just tears me apart.
If you've hung on through my block 'o venting, I owe you an Internet cookie. Or Internet Ben and Jerry's.
Last Monday my ex (who is the father of my child, and still a good friend of mine) called me and yelled in frustration for an hour. His roommate, who also happens to be one of my closest friends, made a selfish decision that badly impacts my ex and also could potentially change my plans to move to be with J (it's sort of a long story.) When J got home from work that day we talked about it, but barely had time to regroup from it when the next thing hit...he got a call the next morning from his mother, saying his grandmother just suffered a massive heart attack and didn't have much time left.
So of course, my poor guy raced home, a three hour drive in...well, Canadian winter weather. He stayed with them until Friday, drove back home, and wasn't even back for 12 hours before he got the call that she had passed away. Now he's back there, dealing with his own grief as well as playing peacemaker between his two bickering older siblings (keep in mind, they're both in their mid-late 30's...they should know better.) In the little bit of time that I've had to talk to him, I've tried my level best to be there for him and try to help, but it's simply not enough for either of us. Of course, between plane ticket cost and my job, going out there is out of the question.
Meanwhile, back here in the coastal Pacific Northwest, we got hit by insane winds and flooding this week. My town has been nearly an island, as most of the routes out have been closed due to landslides or road collapses. At my work, customers and coworkers have been in FOUL moods because of the storms, and while I try not to take it personally, it's really difficult. And the only social thing I do every week (choir practice) was cancelled, understandably because of the weather, but...
So I just have all this stuff jumbled inside my brain right now. I'm missing J like crazy and my heart hurts terribly for him and his family. I know all my whining here about my crummy week is TOTALLY not even close to what he's going through right now, and if anybody wishes I were in Canada more than me, it's him. This is truly one of the worst parts about being in an LDR...I can handle the day-to-day routine of life without him for the most part, but when something bad happens, it's awful.
And most of the me-activities I would normally have every week, the things that keep me happy and emotionally healthy, haven't happened this week. Choir practice, no-go. My nightly chats with J have gone from a few hours to 15-20 minutes and a few scattered texts. I talk to one of my close friends on an almost nightly basis as well...but he's the one I referred to earlier, and he knows better than to call me right now (nor is he very good at being a shoulder, anyway.) And then I come back to feeling SO guilty for feeling sorry for myself. Sigh...
All I can do is listen to J and be his rock. But all I can do isn't enough, and it just tears me apart.
If you've hung on through my block 'o venting, I owe you an Internet cookie. Or Internet Ben and Jerry's.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this. 
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