lost and confused...

[Jgui]

I feel like i haven't been on this forever.. and the time i come back on is when i'm feeling so lost with my current relationship, i feel horrible.. i should be more of an active member..

My SO and I have been together for 6 months and it's been the greatest time! I feel so loved and cared about from him that i shouldn't be asking for me. He caters to my need and fulfill my wishes when possible. He takes me places and enjoys spending time with me as much as possible. We are about 2 hours away from each other and able to see each other on weekends all the time. What more can i ask for from a guy who is busy with his graduate degree while serving in the military.

So why am I so confused and bitching about...??

Well... when we 1st got together he had said some things to me that just kind of stick to me even till this day. He had told me he is looking for a serious relationship but that he also felt like our relationship would work out in the long term, as in marriage. So that was TOTALLY confusing to me for the longest time.. then I came to the conclusion that by him saying "serious" means we will be exclusive to each other. Fair enough, i can't share my man with another chick also. But my definition of "serious" is finding someone i can settle down with, i am not getting any younger and have had my fair days of dating around. With that said, we kind of put a time frame on this relationship that we'd stay together until our 7th month (which is next month) and talk about what we've decided on doing. Either moving forward or dropping everything. It was my plan to set up this time frame thing, which at the time seems reasonable. But it had also putted a lot of stress on myself emotionally because there's this consistent little voice inside my head that's reminding me everything will end soon.

So last night I couldn't stand that little voice anymore and called my SO and told him how stressed out this is causing me and said i don't think i can do it anymore. I thought i could tough it out and wait for the "talk" but i really cant. I feel as if i'm sitting here waiting to get dump and i couldn't wrap my head around that idea. Needless to say, i was crying like crazy while he on the other end remained calm. He didn't try to change my mind or prevent the relationship to end. All he said was, "why dont we talk about this in 2 days when you've calmed down and less emotions attached. Because I need some time to think things through also." And we ended at that...

I don't understand why couldn't he just tell me then and there what he wanted.. maybe i'm just being immature and too emotional.

i feel like im being so selfish and basically drop the ultimatum bomb on him which isn't my initial intention but i guess it came out that way...

AHHH!! sorry for the vent but i just need to let this off my chest..

[ushiwakafox]

I could imagine how stressful this is for you. I don't think you're being immature or selfish. I'd go nuts in your position. The only advice I can give is to give him the two days. I know waiting is rough but you can't force him to talk if he doesn't want to. Be patient and graceful about it. It'll remind him why he's been with you all these months.

[Zapookie]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling stressed out about this. What I don't understand though, is why do you have to put a time limit on your relationship? It would be so much easier for the both of you if you just let things happen, rather than saying "OK, if we're not feeling like this or like that by this particular time, lets end it."

Don't limit yourselves. It's not healthy. Just go with whatever feelings you're feeling. Enjoy the times you spend together and make the most of it! If you love him, stay. If you don't feel the same about him anymore, break it off. It's no use dragging something out for longer than necessary because it just creates more hurt, and it gives yourselves less time to heal and move on.

The main thing that matters here is that you love and care for each other. As people get more familiar with someone and grow to love them, their opinions tend to change. Some people who might have been against marriage prior to their relationship might now want to get married, because they understand that it is the ultimate step in a relationship, but that's what they're willing to do because they love them so much and they work well together as a couple.

[meganpillow]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling stressed out about this. What I don't understand though, is why do you have to put a time limit on your relationship? It would be so much easier for the both of you if you just let things happen, rather than saying "OK, if we're not feeling like this or like that by this particular time, lets end it."

Exactly what I was thinking! I know people who got married (and till this day still married) after two months of knowing each other, and I know people who have dated for 7 YEARS before they decided to get married!

My point is, don't put a time on it. Let it flowwww. Dating is suppose to be fun! My belief is that you feel pressured to make a decision right away, but you just don't know for sure quite what you want to do yet.

Just trust that you'll just know. You will know that this is right, and that getting married is the best thing for you at this time.

Just breatheeeee <3

[goalie_girl34]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling stressed out about this. What I don't understand though, is why do you have to put a time limit on your relationship? It would be so much easier for the both of you if you just let things happen, rather than saying "OK, if we're not feeling like this or like that by this particular time, lets end it."

Don't limit yourselves. It's not healthy. Just go with whatever feelings you're feeling. Enjoy the times you spend together and make the most of it! If you love him, stay. If you don't feel the same about him anymore, break it off. It's no use dragging something out for longer than necessary because it just creates more hurt, and it gives yourselves less time to heal and move on.

This is exactly right. I feel like you set yourself up for this type of stress and failure when you put a time limit on the relationship, especially at 7 months. A relationship is still so young then. Relax, if you both still love each other everything should be fine.

[digitalfever]

I don’t understand why you are freaking out. Essentially you got everything that you wanted but didn’t realize the long term ramifications of what you were doing. You got into a relationship with someone who wanted to be long term, you then suggested a time frame of seven months and he agreed and now you are kicking yourself in the pants for it. Essentially you called him crying and being over the top about something you had 100% input in from the get go.
I would recommend that when you guys do talk that you try to keep your emotions in check. I understand that relationships are emotional but try to understand this from his point of view as well as your own and talk about it in a more calm manner. If you need to write down what you want to say and then go for it when the conversation does come up.

[Miramaid]

I think that some people here misunderstood the author of the post. She is not pressuring him to marry her. Her concern is that from the get go HE TOLD HER THAT HE WANTS A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP BUT NOT WITH HER. That immediately put her in not-so-nice position and by giving it a time frame she protected herself from being hurt and gave him a chance to get to know her and hopefully fall for her and consider HER for a serious relationship. If there are not on the same page than going with the flow will only hurt her in a future even more.
I know it is hard and obviously you like the guy, but trust me it is much better if it ends now than staying with someone who you know is not considering you good enough for marriage and who wants to be married.
He needs 2 days to evaluate his feelings for you and it is possible that he will want to be with you, so wait and hope for the best but prepare yourself that u may have to stick with your plan.
I admire you for being strong about it. No you did not tell him that he has to put a ring on ur finger by a certain date. U gave him a chance to develop feelings for u coz he said u were NOT "the one". U are too good! Fingers crossed for u! If it doesn't happen, at least it is good it has not even been a year - it will be easier to move on

[digitalfever]

I think that some people here misunderstood the author of the post. She is not pressuring him to marry her. Her concern is that from the get go HE TOLD HER THAT HE WANTS A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP BUT NOT WITH HER. That immediately put her in not-so-nice position and by giving it a time frame she protected herself from being hurt and gave him a chance to get to know her and hopefully fall for her and consider HER for a serious relationship. If there are not on the same page than going with the flow will only hurt her in a future even more.
I know it is hard and obviously you like the guy, but trust me it is much better if it ends now than staying with someone who you know is not considering you good enough for marriage and who wants to be married.
He needs 2 days to evaluate his feelings for you and it is possible that he will want to be with you, so wait and hope for the best but prepare yourself that u may have to stick with your plan.
I admire you for being strong about it. No you did not tell him that he has to put a ring on ur finger by a certain date. U gave him a chance to develop feelings for u coz he said u were NOT "the one". U are too good! Fingers crossed for u! If it doesn't happen, at least it is good it has not even been a year - it will be easier to move on

He said their relationship can work out. He never said it couldn't work.

[Zapookie]

I think that some people here misunderstood the author of the post. She is not pressuring him to marry her. Her concern is that from the get go HE TOLD HER THAT HE WANTS A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP BUT NOT WITH HER.

She didn't say he said that. She said that he was looking for a serious relationship and he felt like they would eventually get married (unless I interpreted the post in the wrong way or something wasn't explained properly). And I don't think any of us said she was pressuring him to marry her.

[Jgui]

I think that some people here misunderstood the author of the post. She is not pressuring him to marry her. Her concern is that from the get go HE TOLD HER THAT HE WANTS A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP BUT NOT WITH HER. That immediately put her in not-so-nice position and by giving it a time frame she protected herself from being hurt and gave him a chance to get to know her and hopefully fall for her and consider HER for a serious relationship. If there are not on the same page than going with the flow will only hurt her in a future even more.
I know it is hard and obviously you like the guy, but trust me it is much better if it ends now than staying with someone who you know is not considering you good enough for marriage and who wants to be married.
He needs 2 days to evaluate his feelings for you and it is possible that he will want to be with you, so wait and hope for the best but prepare yourself that u may have to stick with your plan.
I admire you for being strong about it. No you did not tell him that he has to put a ring on ur finger by a certain date. U gave him a chance to develop feelings for u coz he said u were NOT "the one". U are too good! Fingers crossed for u! If it doesn't happen, at least it is good it has not even been a year - it will be easier to move on

Thank you for your support I do gladly appreciate it.

And you're right, I only did the "time frame" to protect myself from getting hurt. That was the whole reason why I suggested it in the 1st place. And I can see where other readers are mistaken by my post.. There was a HUGE typo in one of the words. Haha! I meant to say,"he wants serious relationship but doesn't see us long term." I guess I set it up to mentally prepear myself for worse case... But hope for the best.

[Jgui]

So after not talking to him for 2 days and me cooling down and taking my emotions down a notch, we talked about things.

I told him what was bothering me, which at this point is basically the time frame we both agreed on 5 months ago. We both came to the conclusion that it was stupid and that we aren't going by that anymore.. I can finally be myself and just let this flow and see where it takes us.

For some clarification, I did noticed there was a typo in my original post which caused some confusions.. He did told after 2 weeks into our relationship that he did not see us being together long term. Which puts me in a very uncomfortable position because he told me he wanted a serious relationship. Now I'm not telling this guy to put a ring on my finger and marry me tomorrow, but it was painful to just hear those words after 2 weeks... He hardly even knows me and to already say that to me puts me in a negative spot.

I, of course mentioned that to him during our talk tonight. Reassure that I'm not telling him to marry me because I'm not sure myself if he is "the one" for me. We talked about what we wanted from each other and things we'd like each other to change. I told him he needs to be more expressive because I can't get into his head and see what he sees. He needa to tell me what's going on so I won't be assuming.

So after a long talk we're fine now. Thank you all for hearing me out and offering your advices.

[Zapookie]

It bothered me when my SO told me that he didn't want to ever get married. He felt that way because he thought of a lot of people getting married for the wrong reasons, and I don't think he thought he'd ever feel so strongly about someone to ever want to marry them. This was when our relationship had just started to blossom. It took a long time, but I know now that his opinion has changed (less than a year later) and he does want to spend the rest of his life with me.

I know that it was probably a shock to hear those words from him, and you are right in thinking that what he said about not marrying you was a little pre-mature. But give him time, give yourself time and see how far your feelings for each other go. It's really naive to think that you can tell whether you're going to end up marrying someone after only two weeks of knowing them.

I hope everything sorts itself out for you guys