should i just let it go?

[butterflycries]

my boyfriend and i have been together for 9 months. but we have never been together in person because we are 9,000 miles apart and some problems that is preventing him to visit. we both are not sure if we really can be in each other's arms. he tried to break up with me several times, every time he thinks that he couldn't make it here. but i don't let it go. i became the strong women who kept on holding on. the woman who would be willing to accept all the pain just to keep the relationship we have. but now some things are changing. he don't give me as much time as he used to give me. he would prefer to be sleeping rather than being with me. and one time i called his phone he got mad at me for calling him so early and turned his phone off. right now i just feel like i wanna stop everything i feel. i wanna stop loving to stop hurting. what should i do? its just getting hard to breath.[COLOR="Si

[Bethypoo]

I personally don't think the distance is a reason to give up. If feelings are still the same, mutual and growing, then I think that it is worth fighting for. But maybe he is just frustrated at the fact that he cannot hold you in his arms and that you cannot physically be together as much as you would prefer. Maybe he s just sacred of meeting in person and what may happen after you do meet.

Maybe give him a minute. And then tell him how you feel about meeting and about working through the distance. You cant force him to stay. You cant force anyone to stay, let alone someone who is 9000 miles away. But I think that he just needs to be reassured that you know it will be hard but that you are willing to work with him and through it.

Good luck!

[digitalfever]

This is tricky. My advice may not be the most popular or the most well liked... and forgive me if the problem is more complicated than this I’m just assuming the most common issues in meeting.
Are you guys making steps to meeting for example if money is the barrier saving up money or if it’s visas gathering paperwork etc...? if not I would say cut your losses regardless of feelings because at the end of the day your holding onto something that probably won’t work out if you don’t meet and experience an actual relationship.
If it’s simply about getting your buns into gear then i think with a little leg work things could work out. I would just try to set smaller goals and slowly accomplish them give yourself three, six or twelve months.

[butterflycries]

it's about saving money and visa. he have been working really hard. we both really wanna be together. but things around us are keeping us apart. and sometimes causes each other to lose patience. this morning i told him how i feel. i told him i am getting weak. then he asked me to tell him that i love him. and asked me to hold on to him and he will give me strength. and told me that we are going to push through. i love it when he is this way. but there are just days that he is completely different. days that makes everything we have so vulnerable. its like anytime our relationship can end. i'm not really sure where we are heading. but if we will end up losing the "us" why would we make it more harder and dig deep the pain? i'm totally confused. what i know for sure is i love him, and that he loves me.

[elizabethjp2010]

im so sorry, but if there is a lack of communication and he is being mean to you, you need to ask yourself if it is worth it. This post here tells me its not. If he has voiced that he doesnt want to be with you and become mean and hurtful, and started blowing you off than ask yourself you truly believe with all your heart that he is "the one". I am willing to put up with alot of bullshit, but michael makes up for it by being brilliant! If he treated me like what you have said in this thread, i wouldnt deal with it. Sometimes being strong isnt staying, sometimes its know what is best for you.

good luck!!!

[digitalfever]

I honestly don’t think “love” is a reason to hold on to something that seems to unhealthy and dependent. Love is many things but love cannot fix a relationship for that matter – the two people IN love can do it but love as an emotional cannot fix what is broken it can encourage and make people realize what needs to be done to get to a healthy state but love on its own can be just as an unhealthy emotion as jealousy, envy, or hate.

If you want to be together then make a plan with him, work on your communication styles/skills and get your buns in gear my dear.

[MoveAlong92]

i agree with others,
you do need a plan to meet him
the plan can be anything , as long as you both aware of the plans and agree on it

and communication,
he seems to want to distance himself from you but then he told you to hold on to him and he will give you strength
that's just confusing

distance is painful,
understanding each others situations and patience is very important
i think any relationship wont work if only one person is trying hard to hold on to it, both need to work on it

i hope everything will be better for both of you

[carolynred]

I'm sorry he is treating you this way. I would say try to get a good conversation with him to explain how you feel and how he feels as well. It's hard to tell what is the root of his actions whether it be frustration about the distance, frustration about not being able to see you, or even him giving up. You sound very willing and very strong to keep this alive, but for some reason when you said he has tried to break up with you multiple times...it just seems like a red flag to me. BUT I don't know you and your SO, therefore I can't make a real observation. Just talk to him if you can, communication is key.

[HisBeautifulDisaster]

I'm in the same boat you are. We both do this to each other sometimes, we'll blow each other off and just get pissy for no reason at all. We've been together 2 years and still have not been able to be with each other because of finacial reasons. It frustates us both to no end and I put up with a lot of crap and a lot of hurt from him because of the distance because I know certain things can get taken out of context through email or text. My relationship sounds exactly like yours at the moment, we break up with each other atleast once a week. So if you ever need anything I think I can releate to you and your relationship, you can email me if you want.

[butterflycries]

how is it going with you right now?

I'm in the same boat you are. We both do this to each other sometimes, we'll blow each other off and just get pissy for no reason at all. We've been together 2 years and still have not been able to be with each other because of finacial reasons. It frustates us both to no end and I put up with a lot of crap and a lot of hurt from him because of the distance because I know certain things can get taken out of context through email or text. My relationship sounds exactly like yours at the moment, we break up with each other atleast once a week. So if you ever need anything I think I can releate to you and your relationship, you can email me if you want.