HELP Surprise visit upcoming, but last night he turned off his phone mid conversation

[Dauntedpoet]

I hate to say this, but you shouldn't have to "navigate the complex problems of being in love" at 22 or 102 years of age. True love will not be all that complicated. Someone who respects you and loves you will meet you halfway and never make you feel like shit for needing to make a compromise! Of course any healthy relationship requires some work on the parts of both partners, and the partners will need to work together to make both people happy, but it isn't like pulling teeth.

Well said and completely accurate.

[Alayna]

The best I can say darling is just pray! And I think you should still have him come but when he is there talk to him about all this. Dont ignore it!

[carolynred]

Oh wow, well I'm so sorry about that dear You'll be better off for sure

[Brieasaurus]

Oh man, I just read this entire forum and I had the sinking feeling that it was going to from bad to horrible. I'm so sorry. There's not really anything anyone can say to make you feel better besides maybe the suggestion to go make some cookies and get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning. You have all of us here to support you, no worries. Again though, I'm sorry that you got stuck with a loser and I hope things start working out for you soon.

[SquishyLove]

I'm really glad that I was able to offer some support and also some advice that helped you see your situation from another point of view! *HUGE HUGS!* I'm sending you lots of love and support! You deserve so much better! I really offered my experiences and opinion because it's plain to see from the outside you are being mistreated so badly! It broke my heart to see yet another really kind person being hurt like this. Also, when I was having similar problems with my ex, I felt isolated and also didn't have any friends around to talk to. So I remember being in your shoes and feeling so lost and alone! Even having a forum to go to and vent would have been so helpful! *HUGS* I think it's time to focus on you for a change. Seeing him in person, on one hand, might be an opportunity to break up in person and get some closure...but on the other hand, it might be bad because it might turn into an angry fight or worse, he might manipulate you into staying with him.

It sucks to think you've found the right person for you, and they in fact turn out not to be that person. My ex, for example, also gave me a promise ring, was sweet to me for about a year, etc. Then the asshole came out, but I for many years chose to overlook the fact that his personality was mostly that of a jerk and the "nice guy" thing for a year or so was an act. Manipulators, good actors, etc...Here's how I feel about him changing: he was probably always kind of a douche under the surface. This new job really brought out the big ego in him, because beforehand, he didn't have something to stroke his ego. From what I've learned about people over the years is that smarmy people are usually always smarmy, and that it takes something to bring it out of them full-force sometimes. Unfortunately, he is choosing this temp job over your happiness, and expecting you to just be A-OK with it. I also think it's inconsiderate and rude that he expects you to stay up late every night waiting up for him when you have a full schedule and need to be awake early. It's like he wants to control the relationship and be the one with the "upper hand." to have power. For me, I believe the only power anyone shold have in a relationship is the power to walk away. If he's exerting ANY power over you, he is being abusive.

And I would DEFINITELY be scared by the throwing of things. It's completely possible that he can graduate from throwing stuff to hurting you physically. People who need to throw things around when they're angry generally raise my hackles. If they can't control their impulses while angry (hey, we all get angry sometimes, even to people we love, but it's how we handle it that matters), it's a HUGE red flag to me.

You're an awesome person and I hope you can be strong and get rid of this toxic guy! I know he was sweet before, but unfortunately his smarmy and jerky personality came out. As I said, a lot of people are good actors and manipulators. During the courting stage of the relationship they can be very charming, sweet, and romantic. Also, another note about my ex. After he would mess up and be very nasty and mean to me during an altercation, we would have a small "honeymoon" period after he vowed he'd never hurt me again and never be mean to me again, and treat me nicely. Then, he'd get angry at me again for something and blow up on me all over again and verbally abuse me until I felt 2 inches tall, and wouldn't stop until I apologized! I'm not joking. The honeymoon periods fooled me until he grabbed my hair and yanked me with it down to the floor. I guess that was the last straw for me. It took it getting to that level before I said to him and myself, "No more. Enough. I'm done!"

Stay strong, girl! I think you now know you deserve better! LFAD is a very supportive forum so feel free to come here for support when you need it! *HUGE HUGS!*

[SquishyLove]

Please update us as soon as you can on what is going on, girl! *HUGS*

[marbear31]

Hi, I've just read this entire thread, and first off, I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. *super huge hug* I am SO sorry you've had to go through this--no one ever, ever should be treated like that--and I think you're completely making the right decision in breaking things off. If he tries to get back with you, let him know that he's going to have to prove himself to you instead of getting all arrogant and making you grovel.

If there's one thing I've learned in a relationship, it's let the guy come to you. You can't beat a dead horse, you know? If a guy wants to change, he'll change. If he doesn't, he won't. (Goes for girls, too! :P) I think the best advice you've received thus far on here is to focus on YOU, and trust me, you'll learn some things about yourself you didn't realize.

I went through this "ignoring" thing with my boyfriend as well. Long story short, right before I left for America from my study abroad, he suddenly stopped talking to me for a week. I called him, emailed him, skyped him--but not overly so--and I can honestly say those were some of the most agonizing days I've ever gone through, simply for not knowing what was going to happen. Turns out, he was going to break up with me because he didn't think he could handle the distance, but he was completely honest with me about his feelings--it just took him awhile to come round to expressing them. Of course, we ended up making up--he held me while I cried, and was so incredibly tender, even when I was hurting worse than I thought was possible--and I think he almost started crying himself. He said he "couldn't do it" and...well, let's just say the making up was great. It hurt more than ever during the process, but the end result was worth the pain, because I grew in understanding of myself during that time, and I forgave him because I know he was just going through some insecurities. He doesn't do that anymore, and he has been NOTHING but supportive since. He admitted his mistakes, and has only tried to prove himself more to me over the long distance (whether it's waking up at crazy times to talk, not being shy about affection, etc.)

I say all this just to show that even though I gave him the chance initially, he was the one who proved himself and changed (toned up I guess is a better way to say it :P). If you give someone a chance and they do, great, but if (which it sounds like you have, multiple times) they don't after so many chances, you have to look out for youreself most of all. As I said earlier, I'm sorry he's being a douche to you. You should be treated like the wonderful woman you are, and arrogance is never an excuse for mistreatment. People fail, but they shouldn't make you fail yourself, either.

Best of luck, sweetheart, and let us know how it goes!! Much love and prayers! <3

[sarahrosestevey]

I have just read this entire post, and I want you to know that I am thinking of you. I don't know why, but this story in particular has really made me feel for you - you seem like such a loyal, wonderful, caring girlfriend and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. What he has done is not acceptable. Please let us know how you are doing. <3

[bethyylovee]

I know you're getting a lot of negative comments, but unfortunately I have to agree as well. I think it's completely selfish and rude of him to make you feel bad about wanting him to call you a little earlier ONE day of the week. He should be HAPPY to get to talk to you any chance he gets. I can hardly stand not talking to Stephen all day when we work, and he feels the same. There's something emotionally abusive about his personality and I don't think you should have to take that. Tell him that! Tell him that you can't put up with him treating you that way. You're his girlfriend and you deserve respect.

[Kiyama]

I'm hurt because compared to any other girl I know, I ask relatively little of him. I don't beg him to visit, skype, or even f-ing call me on the phone. I don't go on and on about missing him, I don't speculate about the future, and I don't complain about the present situation we are in. I do my best to try and be supportive of this god forsaken job (which I HATE). I do anything I can for him. And this is what I get in return????

I agree with what everybody has already said. But I would like to add something to that. I find your attitude a bit worrying. To me a relationship is giving and taking. It looks that you only give and completely ignore your own needs. You have a right to ask for calls and expect the same support you give him! Please never forget that. A guy who really loves you will be happy to give you the things you need and loves you the way you are and you won't have to change for him and constantly restrain yourself. It's unhealthy and won't make you happy in the long term.