He doesn't make the effort to meet

[HisCutie]

It's been almost 2 years since we met online and he's really made no effort to facilitate us meeting. I've brought it up a few times and it's always his schedule with work and crazy stuff going on in his life. I'm even willing to go to him. We have a great relationship all other things considered. I know he has his complications and I've been understanding, but I get frustrated because all I really want to do is spend time in person with him and see if we connect the same way in real life as we do online and on the phone. Are some guys just really that scared and nervous? How long do I wait?

[snow_girl]

Two years and no meeting seems to be pushing it. Is he making excuses for you not to go see him? I'm guessing you have skyped and seen him to know that it wouldn't be some excuse so you don't find out he isn't who he is. If the person you are in a relationship with isn't willing to close the distance or at least make an attempt to meet, then you maybe need to decide whether it is worth going forth in.

[meganpillow]

Two years and no meeting seems to be pushing it. Is he making excuses for you not to go see him? I'm guessing you have skyped and seen him to know that it wouldn't be some excuse so you don't find out he isn't who he is. If the person you are in a relationship with isn't willing to close the distance or at least make an attempt to meet, then you maybe need to decide whether it is worth going forth in.

I agree with this. It's one thing for him not to be able to visit you, but him not letting you go see him? That's strange.
I think you should talk about how it's important to take the next step into actually meeting each other, ESPECIALLY since it has been two years.
If he really cared, he would find away to see you.

[SDPersona]

If I were to fall in love online, I'd want to meet as soon as possible, same like you. But personally I'd be willing to wait six months to a year to meet for the first time, depending on certain circumstances - like if he was in an abusive relationship or something equally damaging. Then it's up to him to organise it, not me, but he'd have a time frame we both agreed on. It's both for his and my own good. I can't live with relationship that are purely virtual without ever meeting each other. For me, it's just a waste of my precious time. Otherwise, I'd put my foot down on a soon-ish date.

I'm sure, that sounds very cold to you, but I think there needs to be a limit to your understanding if it's just a crazy work schedule and some other things . If he really loves you, he'll manage finding time for a meeting and not let fear or nervousness get in the way. Waiting two years for a date is pushing it and I think you need to stop waiting.

[HisCutie]

Thanks for the input. Believe me, it's not that I don't get that I've probably been way too understanding about the not meeting thing. I realize that I've probably been more patient than most would be. When he and I first met, he was in the service, so he was moved around a lot on a whim and there was even a possibility of another deployment. So I didn't press it at that point. His new job has him traveling too and sometimes on short notice, which I can see would make having definite plans a little difficult. Not impossible, though. I've always kinda stressed him coming to me since I live in a place with a lot more to do and it would be a cool experience for him. I guess maybe I should change methods and stress me going to him since that would allow for his weird schedule. I have a couple of three day weekends coming up and then a long break in April, so I will try for those. I seriously wouldn't mind going to him only for a cup of coffee is that is all time would allow. So, that will be my game plan now. He gets three more chances on my part and then it's decision time for me.

[ChibiFelicia]

Im not saying what hasnt been said already but seriously 2 years? you are very patient. Im with SDpersona, i'd want a meeting asap. Way i see it im not getting any younger and i wouldnt be able to just have an online thing. Even if you work crazy loads you still have time off (saying that i know ppl who work on their annual leave....i do lol) and my man was in the service so i understand you can just be moved etc but 2 years? yeah i think trying a slightly different tactic might be the best idea. If he keeps blowing you off though i'd suggest rethinking where the relationship is going.

[Kerry]

2 years is a very long time. if you're in love with someone you want to see them all the time not never. he might be hiding something from you.

[Bethypoo]

It sounds like he is making excuses. If I met my SO online, then i would want to meet ASAP. But like you said, you understand it isnt so easy.

You maybe need to be a bit more pushy on the subject. 2 years is a long time. Maybe he is afraid that things will change. And maybe they will, maybe for better or maybe for the worse. But you need to talk to him about that. But you need to ask and just talk to him about it.

If it still doesnt change, the I think there is something else going on and maybe you need to reassess your situation.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

[elizabethjp2010]

2 years is a long time, like secret keeping long

i really hope it works out though good luck

[sweetshay]

Some people get very comfortable just staying long distance, but, it raises some red flags that he actually does not want to see you. Make sure this isn't something where he's living a double life, because i've heard stories of people who finally go to see their long distance partner and they are not who they say they are. Why can't he give a few months notice to take a work vacation? Investigate please! I don't want you to get hurt :l, Maybe even make an ultimatum, saying that if you don't meet in a certain amount of time you can't go on like this.

[HisCutie]

Thanks again for all the input and support. The logical me knows this doesn't make sense at all and that I should have put my foot down awhile ago. I mean I've met people online who want to meet almost the same day, so this is quite different. Then again, nothing about us has been normal, haha. It was by chance that we met and I wasn't looking for someone who was long distance at all. But here we are, almost two years later and we're still together. He has his complications and I know he's not used to a woman being as solid as I am and liking him for who he is and all that. So, I think in some respects he is afraid of taking it to the next level, because he knows what he has now. That's what make me afraid too. I know what we have even given the untraditional nature of it all and am kinda scared (here is where that self-esteem needs a kick in the butt) that just like every other guy I've met online, it will fall apart after we meet in person. Maybe that's why I haven't pressed like I should have. But I think I'm lying to myself on that one, because there is something about him that is different and that I truly believe everything would be just as amazing in person. My biggest fear is pressing him and because of his own fears and insecurities he bails, but if I had just waited it out longer, he would have gotten past it and we'd meet. How did I find myself in this situation I have no idea. All I know is that I'm my happiest when we spend time together and he makes me feel the best any guy has ever made me feel, even those I dated physically. LOL...why do these things have to be so complicated?