Is the spark gone?

[DaisyWhisper]

Lately we have been watching a TV series called Prison Break together, but today we finished the series and now we are back to how it was before we were watching these episodes whenever we talked. The conversation has gotten old I guess and we end up just sitting here in silence. I don't know what to do except find something else to watch!
Before I suggested we find a TV series to watch together I tried a lot of other things to get the conversation going again, fun hypothetical questions and some of the other things that are listed for LDR couples to do but nothing really worked except for this. We both really like watching movies and things but we can't always do that stuff.
I really miss when we used to talk for hours, finding out about each other. Now all it seems he will do is sit there and eat or watch something alone or play games because he never bites my bait for conversation!
Has anyone else had any problems like this? I'd really appreciate any help.
x

[digitalfever]

How often do you guys talk?

[snow_girl]

You are past the honeymoon stage. When you first meet neither you you know anything about each other and anything and everything you talk about is new and exciting, learning about each other. Now you both know each other and yea that spark has worn off but people are too concerned about 'the spark' what the hell is the spark? Do you still love him? You don't have to go weak in the knees every time you see him to mean that the relationship is still great and meaningful. You've only entered a new stage in your relationship, you are comfortable with each other and the conversation moves more to things that happen day to day rather then deep questions to learn about the other person. There are lots of ideas on the site for things to do, maybe read the same book together or something to make it a little less dull, but what you are going through is very normal.

[DaisyWhisper]

How often do you guys talk?

Pretty much everyday since we started watching Prison Break, but before that it was only every other day or something.

---------- Post added at 11:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:44 PM ----------

You are past the honeymoon stage. When you first meet neither you you know anything about each other and anything and everything you talk about is new and exciting, learning about each other. Now you both know each other and yea that spark has worn off but people are too concerned about 'the spark' what the hell is the spark? Do you still love him? You don't have to go weak in the knees every time you see him to mean that the relationship is still great and meaningful. You've only entered a new stage in your relationship, you are comfortable with each other and the conversation moves more to things that happen day to day rather then deep questions to learn about the other person. There are lots of ideas on the site for things to do, maybe read the same book together or something to make it a little less dull, but what you are going through is very normal.

The spark thing was just something to put in the title, I understand that this is normal it's just upsetting sometimes that he seems like he doesn't want to even try and talk to me by watching something alone or playing a game.
I still love him and he loves me, I have no questions about that. I would go to the ends of the earth for him.

[digitalfever]

Pretty much everyday since we started watching Prison Break, but before that it was only every other day or something.

---------- Post added at 11:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:44 PM ----------



The spark thing was just something to put in the title, I understand that this is normal it's just upsetting sometimes that he seems like he doesn't want to even try and talk to me by watching something alone or playing a game.
I still love him and he loves me, I have no questions about that. I would go to the ends of the earth for him.

This might sound counterproductive but have you ever thought of talking less? Obviously you’ll miss him and want to talk to him but you guys seem to be falling into a pattern where you guys have nothing to say and you say he prefers to play video games than talk. Maybe it’s time to let loose a bit and talk maybe two or three times a week and supplement the not talking on Skype with BBM or texts.

[DaisyWhisper]

This might sound counterproductive but have you ever thought of talking less? Obviously you’ll miss him and want to talk to him but you guys seem to be falling into a pattern where you guys have nothing to say and you say he prefers to play video games than talk. Maybe it’s time to let loose a bit and talk maybe two or three times a week and supplement the not talking on Skype with BBM or texts.

We will fall into talking less again now, but I remember when we talked less before it didn't really make much difference.
I guess it's just a case of trying to find more things to do together, but I'm kind of stuck with as to what we can do.

[digitalfever]

We will fall into talking less again now, but I remember when we talked less before it didn't really make much difference.
I guess it's just a case of trying to find more things to do together, but I'm kind of stuck with as to what we can do.

Bake together! It's pretty fun and then have a contest as to whose creation looks the best. The shit talking is probably the best part.

[sweetshay]

The spark isn't necessarily gone.. it just fizzled a lil. It's kinda like pulling teeth getting my SO to just sit and talk about randomness with me cause he usually is in the mood to just do his own thing, once he's done then he'll give me attention.

I also noticed it's easier to make convo when you actually have a story to tell, like something random that happened in your day, but in order for that to happen, we usually have to not speak for a large portion of the day.

What kind of games do you play?

[Zapookie]

You could try playing games together? Or you could just talk about random stuff. Usually if you ask questions, it will get conversation started. Most people love telling others about themselves, I find

[11MikesGirl21]

The way me and boyfriend put this when someone asked us about our spark is that a relationship has to have a spark to start. Kind of like a fire. You throw logs on the fire to build it up so it can keep itself going. By the time the fire is "comfortable" and self sestaining the initial spark isn't there anymore, but what it started keeps going. You might have to throw a couple logs on the fire here and there, but you're warm enough so it's not that often.

I hope that answers your question. And I know my SO and I are out of our honeymoon phase; but the spark is still there from time to time. And if you feel like conversation is lacking, stop trying to force it. It will come when it comes. Sometimes I find the silence between me and my SO even when it's a phone call to be very comfortable. Kinda of like that Everybody Loves Raymond episode, where Debra is so desperate for her and Raymond to have a conversation and then they watch Marie and Frank have a completely silent meal and figure out that they just get along really well, are entirely comfortable, and communicate just fine.

[Bethypoo]

Well, it is sad when you notice that the honeymoon stage is gone. It is like a shock and it throws things off. Chris did this. He didnt seem interested in any of the ideas from LFAD to do from a distance. I was so discouraged. So i eventually told him that I was trying to keep things from getting old. And when I told him that, he jumped on board and we have been fine since. When things start to get stagnant, we come up with something else.

It is hard. But you just need to let him know that it is causing concern for you and that you do miss him and talking to him.

[elizabethjp2010]

sometimes when michael and i are like that we play truth or truth, its a way to get to know more about your SO and still fun

[DaisyWhisper]

Thanks for the advice guys, there are some really good suggestions in there that I will try if he feels like doing something different :3

I'm just going to try and get into playing games together again. We used to play WoW together all the time but he got tired of it and decided to give up. We both have Terraria, I might get into playing that with him again. He just doesn't seem concerned, I guess that means that I shouldn't be either. From now on I'm just going to go with the flow and not try to force anything. I love him and I'm sure it's not going to go away, I feel lucky every day when I think about him!