On a break

[Reuschel]

My gf has requested for me to give her space and time she needs to find herself. She says she is just really confused and that she loves me but that she doesn't think she is getting her full college experience because she has to worry about me, worry about school, worry about friends, and it is really taking a toll. We had a long conversation about how our break is going to work and that since I will be back home (we were CD before LD) in about 39 days that no matter what we want to see each other even if it is just to see how the other is doing, getting back together, or saying our final goodbyes. I have lots of time to think about my life and situation and was just looking to type out some small details and see if anyone else has done this "break" thing. I'm hoping for the best and I have no reason to think it won't. We wouldn't have been together for almost 2 1/2 years, get through all our fights and difference, and just throw it all away due to stress. Of course, being in an LDR we don't know if everything going on is true but I trust her more than anyone in the world and I believe every word she said to me about just needing the time to miss me (since we talk A LOT every day), she needs time to focus on school (she failed 2 classes last semester), and she just needs to have her social life. I love her to no end and won't be doing anything stupid in the next 39 days for sure. Just wanted to see what you all thought since you all give amazing advice and usually have some stories.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm not an expert on breaks. I am usually of the opinion that breaks lead to a break up. HOWEVER. I have read stories, here, on LFAD that have changed my opinion a little bit. I think sometimes, in a long distance relationship, it actually can work. We can get so wrapped up in the stress and negativity of being apart from our SOs, that we forget to appreciate the fact that they ARE our SOs. Sometimes the time apart makes you realise what you want. Sometimes that's not the other person, sometimes it is.
One important thing, I think, is to be clear on what the 'rules' of the break are. Are you taking time off from each other, but still exclusive until you've made a decision either way? Or are you free to flirt and pursue other people? Are you on a no contact rule? A once a week contact rule? I think you should discuss these so you know where you both stand, so neither of you make a mistake that you regret.

[Off2Spain]

I'm sorry to hear that! I can't tell you what will happen next but just give her some time and the opportunity to really miss you. Sometimes, especially if you're very young, you just need a little 'me' time. I had the same thing happen to me once. I was also in a relationship of 2,5 years and I got really caught up on school and needed to focus big time. Because of all the work at uni my life consisted of studying and my boyfriend, I hardly had time for a social life which made me a little scared. So we decided to go on a break aswell, only to find myself running back to him in a few weeks I was really happy that he gave me some space to figure out what I wanted.
We finally broke up after 3 years, but for completely different reasons

[Reuschel]

Thank you for the support and advice. I am letting her contact me whenever she would like but I will not go out of my way to contact her. I'm giving her the space she said she wants. She said to go out, flirt, and have fun but that's not really my personality. Sure I'll go meet new people but I doubt I'll flirt. I have never really. We'll see how this goes. I'll let you all know.

Any more advice is welcome.

[sweetshay]

I can probably relate to her position a lot because I had a lot of trouble pleasing my SO during freshman year of college. He hated that I had a roommate, he hated that I would hang out with friends when I could be talking to him, and he hated that most of our convo's needed to either be censored, cut short, or I had to leave the room to talk to him, and he hated that some of the time we could talk I had to spend doing homework. I can say at the time he ended up posing more of a mental burden on me because he was just always upset and bitter about how different my life was being in college. However, we didn't take a break because of it, I think that if we did take a break that it would have been not so good as far as us getting back together because I had enough to keep me busy and my mind off of him. I know that sounds harsh. But it's really how I felt at the time.

I've also heard the "college experience" used as an excuse to meet new people romantically, or get to know certain people better. Obviously, she may not be doing that at all with her trying to get better grades, but it is something to consider, especially when you are far apart. And if she's literally telling you go flirt and mingle, it just seems like she's giving you permission to go do what she may already be doing. 2 1/2 year relationship, if you are in college, it probably means that you both got tied down when you were young, which I can also relate.

Hope this wasn't too negative.

[floridaellen]

Breaks can sometimes work, especially in a relationship at this age. My SO and I broke up for 7 weeks and then got back together. Most people do not suggest getting back with an ex, but it actually has made my relationship stronger. We were so young when we got together (17 and 16). We had to mature and face life without each other. Maybe that's how she feels. Just see how these next 40 days turn out. It's not a very long time to wait and see if this relationship will work. Do your own thing, live your own life, and then see what happens.

Idk why everything I type today sounds weird.

[Sharon Q]

My SO and I have done breaks before, infact we are on one now. It really depends on the type of people you two are and the rules you have for the break. I've never viewed them as a bad thing, tho I don't really like them I find it does help us a lot in the long run.

It give both of us time to relax and think about things.

[Reuschel]

@All - This is exactly what I've heard. So many different opinions on these kinds of situations. It's interesting to say the least. 38 days can't be as bad as it sounds. I've done this waiting game before (like the rest of y'all), now it's just a little different.

@sweetshay - Thank you for being honest even if it is kind of saddening. It's true that this could either be the soft way of letting me go and holding on to me as a back up plan if she does (or has) seen other guys and that doesn't work out. I don't think she is that kind of person but I understand how an almost 2 and half year relationship can get stale if you don't keep it interesting especially in an LDR. I'm ready to work on myself and if the change she sees in me is something she likes and we get back together than I'll be happy. If not then I'm still young and growing up so there is plenty of time left for me.

@floridaellen - I'm hoping this is what happens for me! Your post made me happy and continue to believe. It's only been on day and I've let her contact me and kept convos short. I'm hoping I'm doing the right thing on that end and I hope that giving her space will let her either find someone who makes her happy or find that I am that person.

@Sharon Q - Your last line is basically how I'm thinking and feeling 100%. It's time for me to relax, think about everything, focus on school, focus on Track & Field, and find myself as well.

[Reuschel]

Well some things happened that I thought I should bring up.

My SO texted me last night wondering why I hadn't texted her all day and I told her I was just giving her the space and not to make her think about me. She said "You're all I think about." We had a short convo but she got upset because she felt I was making it all about her and her stress, problems, and what not. I tried to calm her down and I think I may have but I'm not 100% sure.

Then this morning my SO told me she got a text from my mother, who I told about the situation yesterday, saying that she stills wants us to be friends and that she is always welcomed at my house and stuff. This really pissed both of us off because we are 18 and already facing this problem together. We don't need her to interfere with anything. Since it made my SO angry, it seems like we back tracked again.

This break thing is tough but I'm going to continue to stay strong. Give her space and do my own things.

Everything happens for a reason.

[Bethypoo]

I understand wanting to have the "full college experience" but you can still have that and be in an LDR. I think the only thing that is apart of that experience, for most people, is the constant dating and hooking up. But that is my personal experience and what I have seen. I am in college and have had no issue with my life and not going out to parties and such. If I wanted to my SO wouldn't have an issue with it. But still.

I personally, like some here, think breaks lead to breakups. But, if it is time that you guys need then you do what you have to do and be sure that you make the right decision for the both of you. I think that maybe there should be a bit more communication of what her definition of "the full college experience" is and then go from there.

Good luck.

[sweetshay]

I do that lol. When i'm the one who kinda pushes my SO away, it really ends up being that I just want him to check on me so I feel like he actually misses me. Women are so confusing >.<.
I tend to not tell my parents, or anyone that we both know about our issues, no matter what the response is. I hate when people get involved... but your mom probably saw that you were hurting and just wanted to emphasize how she doesn't want anything to turn out ugly, I don't think she meant harm.

[Reuschel]

I tend to agree Bethypoo. This is just my first LDR (spawning from a CDR) and it's really rough. We got through 5 months but I think what she wants is to go out, talk to guys, flirt, and all that jazz to see if she really wants to be with me for the rest of her life like she has said in the past. It's normal for college freshmen to want to get out, party, and meet new people. So I'm giving her that option because I love her enough to let her go if I have to.. She seems to just be confused with what she wants and I'll give her that time to figure it out. It's a 50/50 shot that I have to take I guess..