How to handle moving?

[MissVampyxo]

I live in Ohio and he lives in Florida.
Pretty much, he plans on moving here about April/May and restart college here. I'm just really worried about our families... Him moving here we decided would be a better choice for now seeing as I mainly can't move yet. We can start getting ourselves set up better here and get ourselves financially stable before we move to Florida to be with his family. That's what we're thinking of doing... after a few years of living here we can move back to Florida. Well, obviously both of our mother's don't want us to leave. I just recently experienced the death of my Grandmother not even 3 days ago. I just keep thinking how bad I'll feel if I were to move and something happens to her or my father. Or anyone in my family. And of course the same for him.
I know people always say family comes first...but when it comes to this you do have to choose over them don't you? :/
I just don't know what to do, and I told my mom today that after we become more stable here we're moving back to Florida. She got really upset and said .. "well.. I don't want you to though." She also tells me how bad she feels about his mother. I just don't know how we'll handle this.

[Zapookie]

Moving around in life happens to a LOT people.

I think when parents don't want their kids to move away, its mainly a selfish thing (forgive me for saying this, but when you think about it, its true). You know that you're going to be happy with your SO, and some-what okay with moving and you hopefully understand that you may not get to see your family that often. Parents have to also understand that baby chicks need to leave the nest at some point. They need to understand that in order for you to become a functioning member of society, you need to move out and have your own experiences. They cannot expect you to stay at home or even in the same town for the rest of your life.

Yes, its normal to worry about not being with family in case something happens to them. But you can't let that stop you from actually experiencing life and making the most of it. If you stayed in your home town simply because your mother wanted you to stay, there's a possibility you may resent her for that because it's not what you wanted, and you only did it to keep her happy. Sometimes you need to focus on keeping yourself happy, rather than pleasing the people around you. They are not you and sometimes they don't always know what's best (but it doesn't hurt to listen to their advice and take it into account).

I'm sorry if what I said was a little blunt. I am going through the same thing with my mother now, too. She does not want me to ever move overseas or be away from her, but she did exactly the same thing to her own mother (but hers wanted her to). She is thinking more about herself and what she is going to do without me, and who will care for her when I'm not there. But I have my own life to live, and my mother needs to find her own friends who can be there for her when she's feeling down. I most likely will not spend the rest of my life in Australia. I'd love to travel the world with my SO and I guess maybe in our travels we'll both fall in love with some little city/town somewhere and settle down.

[LilyChiba]

I'm going to be the one that's moving to the states and already my SO is talking about moving out of Philly with me. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life there and honestly, I don't want to be too far from the beach. I've lived on the coast line all my life. But I also want somewhere that isn't too hot, because I get migraines from the heat.

Moral is, it doesn't matter where you have to be for the time being, as long as you're together. You can go anywhere you want after you are both ready. And I understand about losing a family member. I lost my dad six years ago, who was my best friend. Chances are, I will never get to visit his grave again after I move unless my mum pays for a ticket home. Chances of that are slim. It's what we do for those we love. You have to be happy with your life, not anyone else.

[kat4301]

I went to undergrad the same place I grew up as well. I didn't want to leave home for any reason, but I moved about 2 hours away for a job eventually. After about a week, I stopped feeling so homesick, everyone in my family adjusted. We made trips home regular and my parents made regular trips to visit me. My point is that, maybe if you can ease yourself away from home and give everyone time to adjust, you might be suprised at how flexible people can be. I know Ohio and Florida are not an easy drive to one another, but maybe you can go somewhere closer to your home first and see how it feels.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

You have to leave your parents at some point. (Consider me touching wood for the rest of this post)
If you carry on in the "I can't leave my parents" mode of thinking, you'll have to start going to the same workplace, in case they have an accident while they're there and your workplace is too far away to get there before they die.
And then you'll have to sleep in the same bed, because what happens if something happens to them in their sleep?
And then you'll have to go to the bathroom together, in case something happens when you're in the shower.
And then maybe you should get surgically attached, just so you'll know for definite there is no way of you missing out on anything.

Ok, that's a little silly. But you see my basic point. I know your family will miss you and you will miss them. But you are an independent person, and you need to live your life accordingly. My parents have always encouraged my brother and I to go off and do our own thing. It meant that I thought nothing of going off and spending last year living in Australia, somewhere none of my immediate family have ever been, aged 18. My brother lived in Canada for 18 months, aged 19-20. He missed our Grandmother's death, and yes, he was upset that he missed it, but my Grandmother wouldn't have wanted him to wait here, at home, and miss out on life experiences just to make sure he didn't miss her death. You need to make your own decisions on this.

[sjaneec5]

I with what the others have already said. A lot of people get jobs in different cities or go to school somewhere else and decide to stay there. My sister went to school in Virginia (we live in KY) she met her husband there as they stayed there- it's really hard on all of us especially now that she has a baby (the first in our family) we only get to see them a few times a year but it's normal an just something we have to get used to. Like zapookie said it is selfish to want you to not move. I will be moving to NC when the time comes and I'm not worried about it, I live in Virginia on my own for 2 1/2 years and had to survive on my own and make new friends and I actually enjoyed it so I don't think I'll had any problem with moving to a new place and I'm an adult so if my parents for like it they can get over it, it's not like I'll never see them again!

[Ivy]

I leave in few months to another country so I can be with him. And I am not scared at all. I want to do it and I just told my parents that it has to be done, because let's get real - If I want future with my foreign love, one of us has to move. And since he is with a better job -> me! I don't mind. After all, it's life, and I really imagine my future life with him holding hands. So darling girl just brave the unknown - and go for it! It's just different from what you had until now, that's all. New things appear all the time. Focus on the perspective - on what you two will have - who knows - maybe your own little family will start soon. These are nice things to look up to.

[lucybelle]

It's scary to leave your family, but you can't live your life in fear. I now live in Costa Rica and 2 days ago got an email saying my mom (in USA) is in the hospital having an emergency surgery. No one wants to hear that news, and it's especially scary when you're so damn far away. But this is the decision I made. I want to be here, I want to be with my SO. I can't sit around thinking "what if something happens" every single day. What kind of life would that be? So you do what your heart tells you and you live your life. Whatever challenges or sadness arrives, you deal with it, and you move on.

(PS- my mom is fine)

[Dziubka]

Biddlybiddlybombop made a good point.

Imho never leaving your parents is not healthy in most cases. If you want to live your life, get new experiences and see different things, you need to leave your parents at some point. You're not chosing anyone or anything over something else, you're growing up and becoming independent.
Your parents aren't adults, they don't need you to take care of them and you shouldn't need them either once you grow up. It's good to have a good relationship with them and be close, but it's not good to put them above your own life. They're not going to be there forever, you have to live without them one day anyway.
There's this saying that good parents give their children roots to know where their home is and wings so they can practice what they've been taught. It's upbriging in a nutshell. Your mum can't expect you to stay with her forever.


I moved out of home at 19 and since then I only see my family about two or three times a year. I'm still very close to my mum, we talk on the phone a lot and I know that if something's up I can 101% rely on her. I worry about her and my brother and our dog sometimes, but then... me being there wouldn't prevent anything happening to them either.