'left behind'

[monroeville_nght]

I moved to Boston about a year and a half ago to pursue a culinary career. Fast forward and here we are. He's still in CT, I'm still in Boston, and our relationship is falling apart.

I'm pretty sure it's because he blames me for leaving. He keeps telling me how I left him behind and how he's obviously not important in my life anymore. I have a life here, now. I have friends, I have a job. I may go to England for a few months after I graduate to go work in a -real- pub and I want to tell him so badly but I can't because he's going to yell at me and tell me I'm leaving him behind again.

But it's not like that at all. I've asked him to make the move a hundred times or more and he keeps saying no. He's not ready, and I respect that. And I tell him I'm willing to wait. I feel like he's so angry at me all the time for leaving he just blows up over every tiny thing. Every time I'm busy at work and can't answer my phone it's a snide remark. When I say 'I'm sorry, but I have to work on Saturday' he said "you're not even trying".

I need these hours to graduate. It's a part of my degree.

I'm so torn because I love him so damn much but I feel like he doesn't feel the same. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore and all he has in his heart towards me is anger and bitterness. And you know, maybe I shouldn't have left. But I did the right thing for me.

I felt trapped and I hated my situation so I made the damn effort to change it; which is more than he's doing. He complains all the time about how he hates where he is but he makes no effort to change it because he's afraid.

I'm trying to be his courage. I'm trying to tell him it's okay to take the leap; to move somewhere new.

I see it getting to him. It's eating away at him day after day because he is so -unhappy- with his life and I'm...not. I'm happy because I made the decision. I had a chance and I ran with it and he's too afraid to do the same thing.

And he's letting his anger come between us and I'm afraid there's nothing I can do anymore.

[Rugger]

I'm so sorry sweetie.

Sometimes you need to do what's best for you. You can't make him change if he doesn't want to. Trying to change him is only going to drag you down and make you just as miserable as he is.

The only thing you can go is support him. Try to encourage him and keep moving with your career. You've worked very hard to where you are today and you don't deserve the guilt trip he's laying on you. You need to have a good long talk with him about how you feel about this whole situation. I think a bit of his anger on this may be jealousy. He's jealous that you have the courage to make the leap and he thinks he doesn't have the same courage.

Welcome of LFAD, hun. It's nice to see someone familiar

[Sharon Q]

As said above, sometimes you need to do whats best for you. All you really can do at this point is tell him bluntly that you didn't do this just to leave him behind and that you want him there with you, and that you need to finish school.

[rach92g]

As being the one that was "left behind", I can see where his anger and bitterness is coming from. When I am at my lowest and loneliest point all I feel towards him is anger because I feel as if he doesn't miss me and yearn for me like I do for him. My SO is in the same position that you are in, he can't move back here because of school (luckily we only have 1 1/2 semesters to go), and that's always his excuse. I understand that he needs to finish school, and that he is doing this not only for himself and his dreams but also for us as a team. He is trying to make sure we always have what we need by pursuing his career dream (aviation). Maybe if you explain it to your SO like that he will understand more. I like feeling like he is doing something that is good for both of us and not just him; he has our future as a top priority. Let him know this is for the good of the couple, not just the individual.

[Bethypoo]

That is a realy tough place to be and i am sorry you have to be stuck there.

Honestly, you need to do what is best for you. As your boyfriend he needs to be supportive even if it is not in his best intrest. But you need to do what is best for you. My SO is joining the military... i am not happy about it and it is not what is best for me personally; but it is what is best for him and that is the point. He needs to do what is best for him and when we make it through that then we move on.

In my opinion, distance shouldn't be a reason to break up. If he is having such a hard time then he needs to make the move to you. But if he isnt willing to do it then why is he expecting you to drop you life?

You say he is unhappy- but by the sound of it you arent loving life either right now. Maybe you need to look at that and decide what is best for the both of you. But if I were you i would tell him that he can support you and be with you or not. It is his choice, but he cant make you feel guilty for having a direction, a life and dreams. He CAN choose to be a part of them.