Follow up to: He doesn't make the effort to meet

[HisCutie]

Well, here is the follow up to my original thread from a couple of weeks ago. I finally planned to ask him if I should go see him over an upcoming three-day weekend I have in a couple of weeks. I figure since his schedule really doesn't allow for him to come to me for reasons I understand, it might work better if I go to him and then we can be flexible and play it by ear. This isn't the first time I suggested a meeting over the course of our relationship and it is always never feasible. Not sure why I was so nervous when I was asking, but I brought it up and while he didn't say no, it wasn't exactly what I'd call a great response. Basically I got the he'd let me know and it depended on what he had going on and all that. It was somewhat of a different, more positive response, but obviously not what I was hoping for ya know? We left it as that we'd talk about it again. I'm going to bring it up again the weekend before, because I really need to know so I can get a hotel and plan travel, etc. I can't just go to him on the spot, well not for a first meeting at least.

I'm really begining to think that this is as good as it gets for me. That all I deserve is a computer screen and phone call relationship.

[snow_girl]

That is definitely not all you deserve! Tell him straight up, you want to meet him and if he doesn't feel the same way then thats it. I would want to be with someone who can't wait to meet me, not someone who has to see what is going on that weekend.

[agirl]

Woah. Don't ever let a guy's actions determine what you deserve. Never ever ever. If the reaction wasn't what you were hoping for, that does NOT mean there's something wrong with you. It means either he's not the guy you thought he was, or there was a breakdown in communication. Tell him how you felt when he had that reaction, and you'll figure out which one.

Best of luck. Stay strong, you're beautiful

[Zapookie]

No way, you deserve a guy who is willing to put in the work to make this relationship possible! You guys have been dating since 2010 and are only 200 miles apart. This meeting should have happened a lot sooner. Does he not want to meet you? Have you asked him why he is being so stand-offish about it??

I know people get nervous for first meetings, but ask him, and ask yourself, what do you have to lose? Its possible that you might be perfect for each other and end up spending your lives together. And if that's not the case, then you've only spent a bit of money to fund the journey to meet someone who you thought it would work out with and it didn't, so you just chalk it down to life experience and move on.

Do you know if he's been completely honest about who he is? I would think that someone who is supposed to love and care about you, and who has been honest about who they are from the start, would want to meet you ASAP. It just strikes me as odd that you two live so close and nothing has happened yet, and when you try and make it happen, he doesn't even really want it.

You need to tell him again. Keep pressuring him. I know you don't want to make him feel bad or anything like that but would you seriously rather just talk through a computer screen? I know it's tough, but this kind of thing is a make or break issue (well it would be for me anyway). You have to do something about it too, whether it be to go visit him, or break it off and find someone more deserving of your time.

[SquishyLove]

This is a tough one to call not knowing the guy and all, but I'm with the others who've said that he should have wanted to initiate a first meeting a long time ago. With only 200 miles between you, being too busy isn't much of an excuse, as a weekend visit of sorts could have been planned, whether it was you going there or him coming to you. If he isn't feeling like it's pressing to have a face-to-face visit with physical contact and it's over a year into the relationship, I'd have my hackles raised for sure and would be questioning his motives! You really DO deserve physical contact and face-to-face visits, especially this far into the relationship! I'm with others that you shouldn't allow this to continue much longer without some real answer from him as to why he's put off meeting in person so long with not such a huge distance between you two! Some people have thousands and thousands of miles between them and manage to meet up a few times a year! So why, after almost a year of dating and only 200 miles is he not seeming to feel a pressing need to meet up? I think it's odd, personally...

[Bethypoo]

You defiantly should be getting more than that. It isn't fair and you need to know one way or the other how into this relationship he is. What? Does he expect you to stay long distance forever and leave it be? NO!

In my opinion, see if he comes up with some excuse for you not to come. And if he doesn't then yay! You get to finally meet. But if he does, i'm sorry but I think you really need to be thinking if this is what you really want. It isn't fair to you at all.