Fed up...

[HollzHeartsChris]

It's like this never ending cycle we go through. Things look good for awhile, we have some great times together. We have some innocent fun playing games, we'll chat sometimes on Skype, and once in awhile go on webcam together. We'll hang out with his friends on Xbox live and have some games together, or we'll just have a chat. Last night was no different. I was messing around on the Xbox with Chris and his friends, and because I was slightly intoxicated I was bubbly and giggly, cracking jokes, and whilst they were taking the mickey, it was all in good nature. I don't think I've laughed so hard as I did last night in awhile. I'd been celebrating my birthday yesterday with some friends down at the local club, and we'd had a meal. I'd had a lot to drink, but I was still pretty sober, and I was having a great time. When I got home, I greeted Chris and his friends on the Xbox and we had some games on Call of Duty Black Ops together. We were all laughing and joking and just having a great time in each other company (:

But then when I woke up and texted him, I got no reply. I wasn't unduly worried; I just figured he'd fallen asleep or something. But when I went on my Facebook earlier, Chris messaged me and told me he'd lost all his electronics again. His parents had taken them all and grounded him AGAIN for no reason, and they'd given him a ton of chores. Now, I would be able to understand if he'd done something wrong. But he HASN'T. He'd done all the things they'd asked of him. He'd done all his chores the day before. But, see, they just don't care whether he's done everything as he should have done in the first place. They treat him badly and in a way they just shouldn't. I just feel completely cut off from him. I know by tomorrow he's going to be down in the dumps again because we're just stuck in this vicious triangle. We get a high, then hit a low. And there's nothing I can do about it, and neither can he They stop him from seeing his friends during the week and even over the weekend, and then they take away the only things that can allow him to talk to his friends and me. They stop him from doing the things he wants. They're complete control freaks.

I'm sorry for venting, but I just have to. I hate this shit so much. It's so unfair.

And I just feel so helpless. Cause I can't help. I know if I was over there....things would be so very different. I could actually help more.

I just feel stuck.

[digitalfever]

I’m not going to pretend like I know the history of your boyfriend and his family but they are his parents and unfortunately they make the rules. Does it suck that parents sometimes get to control the comings and goings of their children? Heck yes! Is it unfair that he can’t see his friends on the weekends? Yeah. And does it suck that you can’t talk to him as you’d like? Yup! But they are his parents and unfortunately that means he must abide by their rules even in they are seen as unfair or unjust.

[Deleted]

Just try to think of it in another way. I know it sucks BADLY to be unable to communicate but at least he makes the effort of doing it. I've met people with relationships in which the other does not care about replying messages at all or making a presence during the day with a small "Hello" on facebook.

So at least you know the problem here is not caused by him but by someone else. It will still make you a little anxious because you care about him and you'd prefer he would be treated fairly.

I won't say that I understand completely. I've met parents who are really unfair (with a friend of mine though, not my SO). Like the kind of parents who get violent and beat her...so I don't know to which degree this controlling gets, but as i said, just be glad he'd communicate if he could. Learn to accept this, because as long as he lives with his parents, he'll have to obey, and if he does not, it will make it all worse. Show your concern but don't act all angry, he might feel some pressure and add tension to the situation.

Just stand by him and wait.

[n3rdkate]

I agree with the above posts. Just remember it could always be worse. Think of it as motivation to get yourself closer to him if thats doable. That's what I do when my SO's parents are being unfair. Since he doesn't have electronics you should write letters and stuff. I know it sucks but try and stay positive.

[chef.rae]

I agree with everything that everyone has posted. You just need to hang in there and wait it out. Really that is all that you can do. Try writing letters, so sending him a sweet message on his facebook for him to see when he does get his eletronics back. He will probably love it.

[Lilly9886]

If you don't mind me asking... How old is your SO? And where does he live?
Is he working or studying?

If my parents treat me like that, I would just move out if I'm old enough. Maybe even if I'm not done studying, look for a job and finish studying later in my life.

I think (if he is a good "kid") his parents are in the wrong.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree with digitalfever. At the end of the day, they're his parents, he lives in their house, if I'm remembering correctly, legally he's a minor, so they get to make the rules.

Also, I don't want to cause offense, and no, I don't know your SO's whole backstory, but there is a possibility that he's not telling you the whole story, y'know? He's still a teenager, he's still living at home... when you have a conflict with someone, isn't it normally because you have differing opinions on something? Of course he's going to think he's in the right, and without experiencing the situation first hand, it's difficult for you to make a totally accurate judgement on whether his punishment is justified. You're only getting his side of the story.

Yes, there is a possibility that this is all exactly as he says, but either way, neither of you get a choice until he moves out of his parents' house. And it majorly sucks that you don't get to talk to him as much as you'd like. I'm sure his parents aren't going to punish him forever, he'll be back soon, I'm sure.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Also, I don't want to cause offense, and no, I don't know your SO's whole backstory, but there is a possibility that he's not telling you the whole story, y'know? He's still a teenager, he's still living at home... when you have a conflict with someone, isn't it normally because you have differing opinions on something? Of course he's going to think he's in the right, and without experiencing the situation first hand, it's difficult for you to make a totally accurate judgement on whether his punishment is justified. You're only getting his side of the story.

Yes, I understand there would be the temptation to agree and say that he isn't telling me the full story, but when you've heard the way his parents treat him and talk to him like I have, then you realise it isn't just his side. I'll admit he's not always been good, he's made mistakes but then again it's only part of being human. We've all been sneaky or done something we shouldn't have done in the past, I know I'm guilty of it too I appreciate what you're saying though. But most of the time, his parents are in the wrong. They are too controlling. They do and say stupid stuff.

Chris is 17 and he intends to move out when he can. Personally, I can't say I blame him lol. He's considering joining the air force as an engineer, so I've no doubt in the next year or so he'll be moving out. Then perhaps he can finally have some peace xD

[Bethypoo]

I know some of the bits and pieces of what is going on. But you know there is really nothing that you can do. My SOs parents should never have been parents and treat him like crap and I complain and complain but they are his parents and there is nothing that I can do about it. He doesn't live with them anymore though therefore not having to deal with it.

That really is the only option you SO has. If he doesn't like the way things are then he needs to move out. But until then there is really no reason for you to get upset. Believe me it is frustrating. But from experience, getting upset about it and his situation and him hearing how you are upset by it by no means helps. It just makes things worse. Just take advantage of the time when he has all of his stuff.

Good luck hun!

[HollzHeartsChris]

Believe me it is frustrating.

I couldn't agree with you more. Chris got his stuff back last night though, so things are better, which I'm grateful for. I'm just bracing myself for the next time it happens