cant stop crying

[chrissyr1217]

We are 5 weeks in I moved to Guam from Denver for my job. My boyfriend of 2 years has been wonderful loving and supportive but I am so homesick and missing him it is just awful. The plan is for me to be here for one year and when I come home we will move in together and get engaged. Every time I talk to him I cry.....I know he is just lost as to what to say to me. I do t want to ruin my relationship help!!!! When does this get easier how do we not grow apart?
Thanks ,
Chrissy

[haribo0603]

I am sorry for your painful days. It proves how much you love your friend. But it is good you have positive plans to live together and to get engaged. How do you think to ask him to tell you some ideas for your future plans? e.g. what color of curtain he likes, which area would be fine to live, or how many friends you would like to invite for your engagement party. Also it would be nice that you take small fotos of Guam which you have seen today and send them to him. The landscape in Guam must be quite different from Denver. We support you

[chrissyr1217]

Thank you we talked today about sending each other video messages with the time difference we are never in the same day. My heart just aches .

[iakai]

It's always super sad in the beginning :[ I cried for ages when we first parted as well. and your right the heart just aches.
My boyfriend never knew how to make me feel better (still doesn't), which sometimes made me angry. But after a while I realized that he was hurting too and just didn't know to say.

To help you think on the bright side, the pain you feel means you care about him deeply! It's hard to become accustomed, but having a set routine helps a lot, like setting aside one time on the weekend where you are both free to skype. It's definitely good to keep each other in the loop during the week too. Not exhaustive details but little things that make you happy or sad or updates like moving into a new flat!

It's easy to drown in the misery, but it helps a lot to start going out and do stuff, walk around some shops, as Haribo said you can take some photos of the scenery with you in them for him! He would definitely appreciate those

I always found it helps if I make something for my boyfriend, like a little handicraft or even just something simple like a post card.

Hope this helps keep you going chrissy

[ioanna]

first of all, welcome to the forums!
big hugs to you it is very hard transitioning from close distance to long distance, and it takes quite a while for things to get into place. for us it almost took a year to find our balance.
this part is very stressful for both partners, the one that left and the one left behind..
the one that leaves has to rediscover living on hislher own, explore a new setting and a new way of life, make friends etc.. and the one left behind has to keep on going with the void left from the missing partner while keeping up with everything that they used to do before...
here are a few things that helped us out with the transition, and a couple of smacks in the face i recived:

what haribo suggested is a nice idea. i loved it when my SO sent me pics of things he did, places he went to, even meals he cooked or socks he bought. it made me feel close to him.
we have a 10 hour time difference, and at first we'd skype/chat at a time slot that was availalbe (ie 5 AM my time and 7 PM his) but it was exhausting for me, and frustrating because we both weren't in good conditionslmoodlnot very energetic. so now we don't. we invested in smartphones and a good connection and use that at a better time during the day. it allows us to communicate at any time for emergencies, and just chit chat at any time of day we're up for it. we both get to sleep well and no one is making a compromise on health.
sending letters and emails are a good way to go when you can't reach your SO. you will havbe the comfort of letting things off your chst, and will feel better knowing he'll get it soon, even if he doesn't reply.

I thought i had prepared myself for going LD, and thought we could maintain our relationship as it was. i think this was probably the biggest mistake i made, because this expectation made it so much harder on me when it didn't come through... being LD makes a lot of things change, how you react to little things, how you communicate, what you expect from your partner in terms of support.. take the last point for instance, when i'm giong through something hard i need a lot of support, and usually my SO would provide it for me with a lot of little comforting things and most of all physical contact. he is not good with words. now thats very hard to apply when LD, and it took us a lot of time to get to a balance where our needs were being met with what little means we have.
another example of balance is for instance in terms of how much/often you talk. at the beginig of our facing the distance, i needed a lot of contact, whereas it was very painful for my SO, and he's rather it were limited. being able to talk about it openly and try and find a middle ground helped with us both coping with things, and not feeling neglected by the other..

i guess in the end, the most important thing for me was to be more flexible. you never truly know how you'll react to a certain situation unless your're already in it.. don't be affraid if things change, listen to yourselves, tp your needs, and try and find ways that satisfy them. keep your lines of communication open, even if sometimes it hurts to hear that your partner isn't dealing with things the same way you are... it doesn't mean any one of you is dealing with things better or worse...
when you'll look back at your experience LD you'll be proud of yoruselves, you'll have gotten to know sides of eachother (and yourselves ) that you didn't know existed, your complicity and comunication skills will have skyrocketed and you'll be both surprised at how much this has brought to you, as individuals and as a couple

i'm sorry this has turned into a novel i just wish someone was there to tell me similar things when my SO first left...
good luck to you both... i hope you'll feel better soon...

[Kiara]

ioanna couldn't have said better. Going from CD to LDR is hard, but you have the advantage that you know it's jsut an year, and you already have pland for later. A simple idea can be do have a countwodn on your desktop. It will takes long to get used to be far from your boyfriend, and you already know that the more you cry, the more you have headache. Try to see the positive aspects of this experience, like the fact that your relationship will get stronger, you can understand better your feelings for youy boyfriend, you can save money from the job you are doing now and spend them next year together, you live in a foreign country and that enriches you a lot. I hope you can go through these taugh days and this forum is the perfect place to look for help. You are not alone!

[Bethypoo]

Ugh. That sounds terrible.

But you have to focus on the positive parts, that you are 5 weeks down and 5 weeks closer to being back with your SO. I know, easier said than done. But 5 weeks is still new and it isn't just that you left him but that you moved to an entirely different place. Give yourself time to adjust. It will be alright. In the mean time, we are here for anything we can help you with.