What do I do about this?

[Tel]

I met a girl online in 2006. I'm from the UK, she is from USA.

We met in person.

Its now been 4 yrs and its been the hardest 4 yrs of my life. I documented the entire story (my point of view only) in my blog about us.

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

Basically, I dont know how to either get closure or resolve this.

This has completely ruined me. Please offer advice

[emma19911]

Right after reading the entries in which you have made it seems to me that you guys have been through so much and it has been a rollercoaster however you need to know when to get off the ride. I know it's easy for us to read and judge however I don't think we can because it's something you two really need to talk about if you really want it which is difficult when she is still trying to discover herself.

You obviously love her to go through all this but only you can make a choice as to whether or not you can wait a bit longer or let it go now. It honestly seems the distance is all that causes conflict and it's a shame that this can't be changed so easily. But also it does seem one sided (obviously I don't know her side and probably never will) but it's a give and take and in my opinion there isn't enough commitment from her to make this work.

This is a heartbreaking thing to read and I hope that somehow you gain piece of mind and a desirable outcome

[sam]

Well, I just read from around part 3 all the way to the last entry you made (19?) and wow.. that was intriguing, to say the least. You've gone through a lot, stuck by her though a lot, when many others would have given up. I didnt quite get the current situation with you both (or maybe I just missed it - its 2:15am ) but it's obvious you love her. You've stayed around this long.. Follow your heart. That's all you can do
Good luck

[folclor]

if the only problem you're having is distance (and, forgive me, but I haven't read all the way through your blog nor am I going to at this point in time, though I might at a later date, too much going on right now) I say find a way to either get her to move to you or move to her. Not easy, I know. I'm in an international relationship right now, too. Texas to Canada. (Okay, so Texas isn't technically a country anymore, but you get what I mean, US to Canada.) Sometimes I wonder what'll happen. Of course a lot depends on this meeting..

Still, no one here can tell you what to do. We can tell you what we would do, and in that case I'd say follow your heart, not your mind. The heart knows what it wants and knows that, though seemingly impossible, there are ways to get it.

[Zephii]

I just got off work and don't have it in me to read your epic adventure. Maybe later Could you maybe summerise the relevant bits for the tired and overworked people? That'd be great.

Anyway, you've met in person, and to me at least, that's the point where you decide if you truly have that something special and you're going to make it work, or you could be just as happy with a partner that'd take less effort.

Then you both work out what you're willing to give up and what you can not, and you compromise, and end up with a plan that you are both comfortable with. I know I make it sound simple and it isn't. I'm in an international romance too.

[redbellepepper]

i'm choking...water please!

man, i randomly went through your blog entries and i all i have to say is that i can feel how much you love her, and how much of your life and time you've freely given her...it's humbling! i must agree that your love story's one of the greatest love stories ever told. if i were a movie producer, i would definitely screenplay your story.

yes, follow your heart BUT don't leave your mind behind. while you keep your door open for her, also keep your windows open too for other possible love who's maybe more deserving of what you can give---someone who can reciprocate the same love you offer. i understand that kelli needs to focus on building her life, and while she does that, you just cant hang in there and wait for the time that she could finally have her life all straighten out, and ready for a relationship. you have already given 4 years of your life, and i am sure you have learned much about loving in those years.

love yourself too. you also deserve the same kind of love that you so freely give away. there must be someone who could reciprocate your feelings and affection in a manner that is building your emotions---defining you---rather than tear your being apart. i know you will be happy if it was kelli---we don't know what lies ahead. or maybe someone else---the best! i'm sure the future holds the best for you. you have loved, and so you will be loved even more. you sow love, you will reap love too.

move on but leave all doors and windows open for kelli, and for others too.

[Caitlin2009]

honestly. you've made it this far why would you quit now? Some people have been in LDR's for 10 years and made it through, if they can do it so can you! You found true love, dont give it up now because it will never find you again if you do. You made it through the ups and downs for the past 4 years....why quit now? If you love her with all your heart that should be enough to pull you through the distance, it will end when things beyond your control are ready to. dont give up now

[Bluestars]

Could you maybe summerise the relevant bits for the tired and overworked people? That'd be great.

I would also appreciate a summary of your relationship. I looked at your blog, but there are a ton of entries to go through!

[Caitlin2009]

I would also appreciate a summary of your relationship. I looked at your blog, but there are a ton of entries to go through!

ditto to that O_o too much to read

[MadMolly]

I was completely captivated by your story and read the entire thing. It completely broke my heart. I know you love this girl but... what could possibly come of this? Could you settle for this being the way it will always be? This is so sad. You love her so much and she loves you back, but circumstance is just kicking your asses. If I were you, I'd move on... but I'd never get over it. So really not a great option.

[So_Far_Away]

I'm pretty much echo-ing MadMolly here: If it was me, I would have given up a while back, and I admire you for not; but there comes a time when I think people have to let go.

[Tel]

ditto to that O_o too much to read

Summary?

Okay.......i'll try. We met online in 2006. She was on the tail end of a boring relationship.

After a year and a half, we met in person.

BEST 12 DAYS EVER

Came home. We planned lots, marriage, a life etc.

She kept disappearing out of contact for weeks and months on end. She goes out to sort out her own life (mine is a mess too)

Find out some home truths about her.

She lies, apologises, lies etc etc

Says I am the one true love. But her actions...just suggest she cannot be bothered, or I am not important enough to make a regular effort.

Every time I try and move on, she comes back online again with more excuses.

But we get on sooo well. She is like a female me.

I will always compare women to her, for she has soooo many qualities in a woman, that i would want in a woman for life, and I dont mean physical attributes.

Now, its just in limbo. We are facebook and msn buddies............

It seems dead, but the words on msn and the emails suggest otherwise.

Am I gullible?

[Caitlin2009]

Summary?

Okay.......i'll try. We met online in 2006. She was on the tail end of a boring relationship.

After a year and a half, we met in person.

BEST 12 DAYS EVER

Came home. We planned lots, marriage, a life etc.

She kept disappearing out of contact for weeks and months on end. She goes out to sort out her own life (mine is a mess too)

Find out some home truths about her.

She lies, apologises, lies etc etc

Says I am the one true love. But her actions...just suggest she cannot be bothered, or I am not important enough to make a regular effort.

Every time I try and move on, she comes back online again with more excuses.

But we get on sooo well. She is like a female me.

I will always compare women to her, for she has soooo many qualities in a woman, that i would want in a woman for life, and I dont mean physical attributes.

Now, its just in limbo. We are facebook and msn buddies............

It seems dead, but the words on msn and the emails suggest otherwise.

Am I gullible?

hmmm well now that you gave all that summery...i would tell her to either get her life together and stop all the lies and stuff, if she truly loves you then she would do that for you or at least give it a shot. if shes not willing to maybe it is time to fully end it cause with what you said it kinda sounds like shes stringing you along a bit but she isnt sure about what she wants to do in life

[Moon]

Am I gullible?

In a word, yes. That's not meant to be offensive, and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. I read your blog, and feel so, so sorry for you, you've been used and manipulated beyond belief. You are her back burner guy, the man she uses when she needs an ego boost, she KNOWS that no matter what kinda bullshit she pulls, you'll be right there waiting for her and forgiving her transgressions, you're an interesting distraction to her usual life. She's not finding herself, she's not attempting to be perfect before she comes to you, she's not coming. At all. I sincerely apologize if I seem too blunt, but I absolutely despise people like her, who take advantage of other people's emotions.

There is no reason whatsoever that if she loved you, she wouldn't allow you to visit her, and purposely hide while you were in in US. If she loved you, truly loved you, and had any hope of a future with you, she would have taken every opportunity to see you, no matter what. We women are like that! Please, please forget the astrology and psychic stuff, I thing it's wrongly influencing you, and blinding you to the real, tangible truth. Listen to your gut and listen to your head, I think you know what you need to do. You've wasted 4 years, and this is going to break your heart hugely, but you need to let it go, completely. Don't let one evil, selfish, awful woman ruin your trusting, sweet nature. Save that for the actual right one, she'll appreciate you for it so much.

I don't think you owe her any explanation, or one last email venting how you feel, she'll know what to do with that and pull you right back in, just cut her off, delete her from your IM contacts and email, it'll hurt like hell for awhile, but eventually you'll feel better, even if you don't believe me. I am so sorry this happened to you, and I wish you the best of luck.

[Zephii]

Wow, the summerised version sounds an awful lot like the shit I put Obi through for years (minus the home truths, I never lied to him). But I get the impression I was a lot younger than both of you.

But what Moon said about her hiding while you were in the US and not wanting you to visit, puts up a whole lot of red flags. This girl is taking you for a ride.
I don't believe people can't be in relationships while they sort out their lives - hell, isn't half of a relationship re-sorting your life to fit the other person in?

I wish you all the best