Dealing With Visit Disappointment

[Sierra]

First, I don't want to be told I'm missing the bigger picture here. I am VERY happy to get to spend the weeken with my boyfriend, but things are not going at all the way he intended them to.

I'll be there late Thursday night through Monday night. I encouraged him to work Friday night and Saturday night and he told me that he would take Sunday and Monday off -- this has EVERYTHING to do with why I booked the trip in the first place. Now he's working Friday - Sunday and I'm pissed.

I don't understand why he told me he wouldn't be working Sunday if he didn't even ask for the day off. He could have made MORE MONEY by picking up another shift on another day but according to him, he didn't even try.

All I really wanted was one whole day of us getting to be together so we could celebrate Valentine's Day, and he said that this is what he wanted too.

I would be less upset if he actually MADE money on Sundays, but he doesn't and he's told me that time and time again.

I don't mind spending time at my boyfriends place when he's not there, but it's NOT what I spent the money on an ticket to do. Since he usually doesn't wake up until noon and goes to work from 3pm - 1am or so in the morning I'm really wondering why I'm even going.

I'm not going to lie, half of me just wants to say you know what, forget it. The last thing I really want to do is spend 4 days sitting on someone's couch when I could have my car, go for a hike or to the beach and have people to keep me company. I don't want to go there and be lonely for four days, at least one of the days was supposed to be special to us and I'm sorry, to be quite frank, Monday where he sleeps in until 1pm and I have to be at the airport at 4pm .... that doesn't count.

Knowing how much that one day meant to me I really don't understand why he didn't ask for it off and my feelings are hurt. I'm the one who shells out the money for the trips, I'm the one who has to spend money when I'm there (when he's here I buy all the groceries) and it just feels like a waste of time and money.

I'll be thankful to get to sleep in my boyfriend's arms, but with his schedule that's all I'm going to get. I just wanted this Valentine's Day visit to be semi-special and now it seems like it's not going to be at all, and it sucks.

[Amatory]

The only thing I can suggest is that you let him know how you feel, and you wait until he does have time off to visit. Everyone makes mistakes, and surely he feels bad about it. Don't worry about it being valentine's day and just tell him how much it bothers you.

I'm sorry it turned out that way, though. :C

[lucybelle]

Yeah that blows. Lying isn't cool either.

Maybe you could take this time to explore the town that you plan on moving to? Find out where the library is and the bus stops and the grocery store and such. You have every right to be pissed, but try to turn lemons into lemonade?

[Sierra]

I am going to ask him tonight if he could please try to find someone to cover the shift. I wouldn't have been upset if he had told me he was going to work Sunday (I would have picked another weekend), but he told me he would get if off. The fact that he didn't even ask for it off, does hurt me. I feel really dismissed and what is my weekend going to be? Sitting there doing nothing? Great. Can't wait.

Maybe you could take this time to explore the town that you plan on moving to? Find out where the library is and the bus stops and the grocery store and such. You have every right to be pissed, but try to turn lemons into lemonade?

I thought that would be a great idea and what I was going to do, but it turns out it's going to snow when I'm there and I have NO snow clothes, and I know he won't let me borrow his car. I want to turn my lemons into lemonade but it's like ... yay for another weekend by myself, which is what I get here, except in Texas lol

[lucybelle]

I thought that would be a great idea and what I was going to do, but it turns out it's going to snow when I'm there and I have NO snow clothes, and I know he won't let me borrow his car. I want to turn my lemons into lemonade but it's like ... yay for another weekend by myself, which is what I get here, except in Texas lol

Use his clothes maybe? Don't mean to pester, just trying to help

[elina]

If there's a chance you might feel as upset over there as you do now, maybe you just shouldn't go? Will you be able to enjoy the rest of the time you get him, or do you think you'll start feeling annoyed, having to sit around alone for so long? Do you have the possibilty to change the flight dates? So you could use the tickets later.
I find it a bit strange that your SO didn't even try and ask for Sunday off, even when you asked him to do so or he said he would. That would upset me too. Did he say why he didn't ask for Sunday off?

[Sierra]

Use his clothes maybe? Don't mean to pester, just trying to help

Yeah I can ask him if I can. You're not pestering at all, I want the help. I just feel really disappointed.

If there's a chance you might feel as upset over there as you do now, maybe you just shouldn't go? Will you be able to enjoy the rest of the time you get him, or do you think you'll start feeling annoyed, having to sit around alone for so long? Do you have the possibilty to change the flight dates? So you could use the tickets later.
I find it a bit strange that your SO didn't even try and ask for Sunday off, even when you asked him to do so or he said he would. That would upset me too. Did he say why he didn't ask for Sunday off?

Honestly, I think I'm going to be EXTREMELY annoyed just sitting around waiting for him. I mean he works 8 - 10 hour days, doesn't come home until late, late at night. And while I'll get to spend part of the morning with him, it'll just be for a few hours.

Before he was suggesting I hang out with his friends, but the one friend who was saying she wanted to be my friend has my phone number and has never reached out so I feel EXTREMELY shy about reaching out and that I would be a burden and I don't want to do it. If they don't want me around that's ok and their choice and I have to respect it.

He didn't mention anything about why he didn't get the Sunday off. I don't know why he didn't ask for it. And now he's twisted it into me saying I wanted a 'normal weekend with him', which wasn't what I said at all. He volunteered to take the Sunday off before I booked the tickets. He could have forgotten and he said there's a 1% chance someone will cover his shift, which to me just means he won't ask.

My tickets are nonrefundable and nonchangeable but I may be able to call them with a sob story and get the tickets pushed back to another time. I can't help but feel like it would devastate him if I did this but I don't want to just ... be there alone when we are supposed to be celebrating Valentine's Day.

[elina]

My tickets are nonrefundable and nonchangeable but I may be able to call them with a sob story and get the tickets pushed back to another time. I can't help but feel like it would devastate him if I did this but I don't want to just ... be there alone when we are supposed to be celebrating Valentine's Day.

Yeah, but you're not going there just for him/to please him and make him happy, are you? I think you have to really think about how you'll feel while over there. If you say you think you'll be really annoyed having to stay alone for so long, it's bound to affect the little time you get to spend with your SO, isn't it? Well, that's how I'd think at least, or that's probably how I'd be. I don't think I could let it go just like that. It would bother me the whole time, most likely.

You're the one going, you're the one spending your money to go see him and if you're hardly even going to see him, is there much point in going..? The least he could've done was ask for the Sunday off.. and now, on top of it all, he's trying to make all this your fault? Hmm..

[books]

I can relate to visit disappointment. I almost didn't go visit my SO last month. Why? Basically, he was in charge of the arrangments for where we would be staying and the place fell through and he decided to tell me the day before I was due to fly out (seriously). I was so mad! My whole pre-visit excitement disappeared in an instant. I debated just not going as well, but I had already taken all the time off from work (not an easy task), booked a non-refundable international ticket and waited 8 months for the visit! So, in the end, I just decided to go. I got to the airport and was still so mad, I barely spoke to him on the ride from the airport. Eventually (that night), I just got over it. We talked it through and wound up having a great visit despite everything. My advice is this:
If you really think you will be mad/resentful at him the whole time, don't go.
If you do decided to go, you have to just put this out of your head and try to make the most of the (little) time you have together. I really don't see the point in going if you're just going to stay mad (not saying you don't have a right to be mad). It just seems in that case it will only lead to a fight and a general bad visit.

[Sierra]

I certainly don't want me being a crabby pants to taint our visit and I AM considering not going, but I really need to talk to him about it first. I know the lying part is not cool, and not something I would tolerate, but I am truly wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt about getting scheduled for Sunday. He could have very well misunderstood and I do intend to ask him if he can TRY to get it covered (hell I'll pay however covers the shit $40 extra to do it).

The purpose of the trip was so we could celebrate Valentine's Day together. We were supposed to cook a romantic meal and exchange presents and just really get to ... spend time together. Plus, because Monday is a holiday I get from work, it would give us one extra day together. I want to go. But I want to go and spend time with my boyfriend. I don't, and would never, expect him to give up the days where he makes money, but he's only frustrated with Sundays and doesn't make enough money so ....

I, in no way, WANT to be mad about this. I just want to go and spend the little bit of time we get together, together. I don't have a way to know if I'll be upset about it while I"m there, to be honest I just imagine I'll sleep the whole time because I'll be bored.

I could always buy a new video game to get into while I"m there which might not be a bad idea and will occupy my time more.

[digitalfever]

Wow.
I get where you’re coming from. You put in the effort to buy the ticket, make your arrangements and got all your ducks in order and it comes down to him basically lying and not really making the time to be around you when you, his girlfriend, will be at his house live and in the flesh for four whole days. I mean… what kind of guy passes up that amazing offer? I can’t think of one.
Anyhow, if you feel like this is going to be held over your head while you’re there I wouldn’t go. If your ticket is non-refundable, non-changeable would the financial hit be too hard? If it is you could always come up with a story and maybe they’ll refund half of it or allow you to use credit (not sure which airline you used...) but some are more lenient than others. If you do end up going I’d say it’s best to start looking for activities outside his apartment that you can do. Become a tourist while you’re there and explore. Don’t schedule your time around him but also forgive him.

[Off2Spain]

Ohh that sucks. Have you asked him to get his shift covered, or at least try to get it covered?
Like the others say, dont go if you'll just be mad. But I honestly think you'd regret not going. Anyway, talk to him about your dissapointment just to make sure it won't happen again =) I hope you'll end up having an amazing visit!!

[Kristin91]

Would it be possible for him to wake up before noon when he has to work and you're visiting? People don't generally NEED 11 or 12 hours of sleep, most people function on 7 or 8...

[Sierra]

Wow.
I get where you’re coming from. You put in the effort to buy the ticket, make your arrangements and got all your ducks in order and it comes down to him basically lying and not really making the time to be around you when you, his girlfriend, will be at his house live and in the flesh for four whole days. I mean… what kind of guy passes up that amazing offer? I can’t think of one.
Anyhow, if you feel like this is going to be held over your head while you’re there I wouldn’t go. If your ticket is non-refundable, non-changeable would the financial hit be too hard? If it is you could always come up with a story and maybe they’ll refund half of it or allow you to use credit (not sure which airline you used...) but some are more lenient than others. If you do end up going I’d say it’s best to start looking for activities outside his apartment that you can do. Become a tourist while you’re there and explore. Don’t schedule your time around him but also forgive him.

I don't blame him for having to work Friday or Saturday, he has rent to pay and I totally understand. It's just that one day where he makes no money that bothers me. If I just don't go ... no I won't be out that much financially and I'm pretty sure I could get the airline (Virgin America) to at least give me some kind of credit if I end up not going.

I got an offer from another LFADer to meet up (yay) if I can borrow my boyfriends car, so we'll have to see if he'll let me do that. Other than that, I think I'm going to send my video games to the Cloud and play them.

You know, I realize that real life will be full of him working and me working and going to school and our time will be really limited together so maybe I have to get used to it, I don't know. I can't shake the disappointment because right now because we ARE long distance. Our time should be spent together.

When he gets off work I'm just going to ask him to get the shift covered and I guess see if he can. I'm not really mad he's working, I'm just REALLY disappointed that he can't make well basically any time at all. I'm sure I could walk to a WalMart or something but his town has no public transportation, I don't know if I can borrow his car and I can't walk much more than a mile because of a bad back.

Would it be possible for him to wake up before noon when he has to work and you're visiting? People don't generally NEED 11 or 12 hours of sleep, most people function on 7 or 8...

He usually works until 1am or 2am in the morning so I don't fault him for sleeping in, nor would I want to deprive him of much needed sleep.

Even if he wakes up before noon and has to go to work at 3pm, I just ... well don't really see much of a point.

[Sierra]

Talked to him about it and he said he'd do everything he could to get the shift covered. If he can't, I'm not going. I have to say if I don't go I'm going to be devastated. It'll just be another Valentine's Day ruined.