I think I need to end it.

[sarahbear]

So, I think I need to end it with my SO. To be honest, I don't really see us going anywhere. I find it hard to keep conversation alive and don't really have much to say when we talk. I'm not myself around him (or talking to him). He says he loves me, but I don't know how he can. There's so much he doesn't know about me, and never really seems to care to get to know. He keeps pushing off visits and never matches his actions to his words. I do so much to show him I care. I sent him cookies, and wrote him letters and made him a 7 foot blanket. I risk getting in major trouble by my parents by skyping and calling him. And he hasn't done anything to show me he cares. He doesn't go out of his way to get in contact with me, or say cute things anymore and it honestly doesn't feel like a relationship. Today (through text) he asked if I was mad. I said No, but I feel like we haven't talked in awhile. Don't you? and He said My phone has been dead, so no. and yadadada. He ended up saying well call me later then..wait nevermind. He didn't want me to call him because he didn't want an angry phone call. So he would rather just ignore me then talk it out? I told him I wasn't mad, I just wanted to talk. Like, what the hell. So if I'm not in a happy, perfect mood with you then you don't want to talk to me? I told him all the things I was stressed about recently (my best friend in the hospital, my eating disorder, all my exams and my parents are on my ass) and all he could say was "that's sad" and never asks how my exams are or anything. He goes on to tell me about the drugs he did this weekend and the crazy adventure he had. He doesn't go to school and he doesn't work. It's hard for me to relate to him because I am always busy and productive and have a strong work ethic. I ask him if he wants to skype and he says maybe, he might go play poker (like he does EVERY single night).

I don't know. I just feel like I can't do this anymore. I don't know how to end it though. It's not that I don't care about him, I do a lot. But its a two way street. I don't know what to do :/ I don't want to tell him to SHOW me you care, because then I feel like it doesn't mean anything because I asked him. I just don't think I can do this anymore...gahhh help!

[Zapookie]

Why don't you talk him him about how you're feeling about all of this? It seems like both of you are lacking in the communication department. Its true that love is a two way street. Both need to contribute to the relationship. Guys can be oblivious sometimes though, and he may not even realise he's being a total jerk. So talk to him, maybe even show him this thread.

If you talk to him and he just dismisses anything you say, you should end it. You can't be with someone who refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem and isn't willing to change to make things better. It seems to me like he just doesn't give a shit anymore, and as hard as that may be to hear, you deserve someone who will give a shit about you and who will show you they actually care.

[sarahbear]

I would talk to him, but after how he reacted today after I told him I felt like we hadn't talked much recently...I've tried talking to him before about needing more communication and he just says sorry and continues not to talk to me. I just don't think he wants to try anymore, I'm just kind of a convenient girlfriend you know?

and to be honest, it's hard because I think I might be developing feelings for one of my good friends I go to school with who DOES care about me. He remembers the little details, and I am 100% myself around him. I can be sarcastic and bratty and he just can laugh along with me. He communicates with me and walks me to my car late at night on campus. He has goals, he's intelligent, he lets me vent about stupid things and I feel so confused. I feel like an AWFUL person saying this. But I can't help how I feel. Here is someone who easily shows they care about me. Whereas with my SO, I feel like I can't be myself anymore. I don't know how to be myself when I talk to him. I don't know that he cares. I don't know where we are going, especially if I still have two years of undergrad and grad school ahead of me and he has no real intentions of closing the distance.

[Off2Spain]

I'm sorry to hear about your problems with your SO, to me it sounds like a dead end relationship. He doesnt put in effort at all to make you happy. Just think about this, can you picture yourself ending up marrying and having kids with him one day? If not then please move on! The other guy seems like a much better fit to me. And you dont have to feel guilty about this, your SO let YOU go, you tried, he didn't.

Be strong!

[ChibiFelicia]

by the reading your post i think you've already made a decision on what you want to do. Just dont compare your relationship to how you're feeling with this friend and school. Try and speak to your boyfriend and see how he takes it. Depending on how he reacts i think you should consider cutting ya loses.

[lala]

I always say this to my friends and family when they have a problem:

Think about the major things that happened in your relationship. Think about the good days and the bad. Think about how your SO made you feel and how your SO is making you feel now. Imagine that you just have ONE life. Your life could be so short.. so do the things and share your precious time with the ones you love and the ones who love you.
What made you fall for him? Is it still there? Can you imagine having a baby with him? (just imagine you get pregnant?)
If you love him then talk to him and explain him honestly your situation, tell him that your feelings will get less if he treats you like this (give him this warning).. if he don't mind or continue with his "bad boy" life, then you should let him go. It's silly to say that you derserve someone who will make you happy,cause everyone does this lol. Like I see you do all those romantic and sweet things to make him happy. and if they made him happy he would have tried to do the same for you. As I see he is not, so does that mean that he is not happy with you? Maybe it is just a hard time both of you have.. but if love is big enough between the two of you,you will work on this problem.. but like a comment said here, I think you already made your decision...

[dgreenucf]

You need to be happy. If he is making you this upset don't put yourself through the worry. You seem like you have a lot on you mind and are going through some rough things and you bf is just adding to the stress. I feel like if you bf isn't making the effort even after you have talked then you need to find the person that will. And you need someone to support you and bring you up in times like these. I hope regardless of what you do that you are happy.

[WakeUpSusie]

. He doesn't go to school and he doesn't work.

I'm going to be blunt here. He doesn't go to school, doesn't work, does a shit ton of drugs and gambles? Run as fast as you can. You deserve so much better than that.

Imagine trying to build a life with someone who lives that kind of lifestyle.

[SquishyLove]

I'm going to be blunt here. He doesn't go to school, doesn't work, does a shit ton of drugs and gambles? Run as fast as you can. You deserve so much better than that.

Imagine trying to build a life with someone who lives that kind of lifestyle.

Yeah, I saw your thread earlier and wanted to respond in a similar vein...I have mentioned my horrible ex in other threads (simply because my ex fits so many definitions of someone who is a completely terrible partner), and he also had a penchant for not being able to hold a job for longer than a few months at a time, not having any ambition to do anything more with his life, and being an alcoholic (alcohol is a drug). In LD, these aspects of his personality might not bug you as much, but imagine how crappy living with someone like that.

They will NEVER change, and they will always expect you to be the breadwinner. If you ever bring up that you don't like being the breadwinner, they will always find some excuses to exonerate themselves from any blame on their own part. They will be completely unconcerned and OK with you struggling to make ends meet supporting them and yourself with no help, because hey, they know you'll continue to bring home the bacon and they're content not to work even if you're exhausted from pulling extra hours to make all the bills and afford groceries and other expenses! Work ethic is something you either have or you don't. He doesn't have it, and he never will. So if nothing else, this tendency of his should make you scared to pursue any serious future with him whatsoever.

It's hard to end an unhealthy relationship, but you deserve to be happy and you should try to find the courage to do so (and by all means, please don't feel guilty because you DO deserve better). I didn't end things with my ex until we were having an argument and he grabbed my hair and used it to pull me down to the floor. That was after 7 years of utter BS from him, 7 years of not being able to be my true self without being lectured about how I need to alter my personality to his liking, 7 years of working my butt off to support 2 people because he would work a few months and get fired or quit. Be off work a few more months. Work a few more months and get fired or quit. He wanted a dream job without a college education. He wanted to be lazy and still make money. When he had his own money, he gave me the bare-minimum to help with household expenses and used the rest on frivolous and unneccesary crap! And this was actually OK with him in his own moral compass - as long as his selfish butt was happy, nothing else mattered! Needless to say, when I ditched the loser, I felt almost instantly better! I got back in touch with myself and I felt a lot less stress as a result! With time I ended up meeting my fiance, who is completely perfect for me, always so sweet and understanding with me, listens to me, shows me he cares not only with words but with actions, is there for me, loves me for who I am, communicates well with me and in a healthy way, is a productive member of society, and only drinks once in awhile and not to get drunk.

So yeah, sorry to go off on a rant, but the tendency to be OK with being a lazy layabout should be a HUGE red flag you see in any man. A real man wants autonomy and wants to be productive. Also, a real man will show you that you're important to him and will show it with actions, not just tell it with words. A real man will communicate and will accept you completely for who you are. Good luck!

[sarahbear]

Thank you all so so much for your input! Like any of you said, I ran! I called him today and told him I couldn't be in a relationship right now and he said "Okay, thats fine. I've been thinking about it anyways." "Should I still come visit with my family" "I love you and I miss you" and It was probably the WEIRDEST break up I have ever had. He was so...accepting of it. He even laughed at one point. So I am relieved and sadly to say, happier.

[Engel]

I'm going to be blunt here. He doesn't go to school, doesn't work, does a shit ton of drugs and gambles? Run as fast as you can. You deserve so much better than that.

Imagine trying to build a life with someone who lives that kind of lifestyle.

that.

OP, you have someone that you care for, and cares for you, and it isn't your SO. what are you waiting to break up with this guy that does drugs, doesn't have a job and on top of it doesn't shoe he cares about you? you deserve to be happy! and maybe happiness already found you, but you are too busy trying to work things out with that guy to really give it a go at being happy and being with someone that deserves you!

---------- Post added at 07:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:11 AM ----------

Thank you all so so much for your input! Like any of you said, I ran! I called him today and told him I couldn't be in a relationship right now and he said "Okay, thats fine. I've been thinking about it anyways." "Should I still come visit with my family" "I love you and I miss you" and It was probably the WEIRDEST break up I have ever had. He was so...accepting of it. He even laughed at one point. So I am relieved and sadly to say, happier.

just read this! great news (and he asked if he could still go visit you with his family file you were breaking up? lol)

i wish you all the best!!!

[sarahbear]

Yesss, I spent some time with him today and things are so much better with him than they ever could be with my EX. We are still in that friend zone though, so I'm not sure how that will be breaking out of...but I'm in no rush! I'm taking everything slow


Yeah...he was like I still want to see you. I told him that will bring up old feelings and it would probably just complicate things. But he still wants to but I will probably tell him it's not a good idea! It was weird...I'm not sure why he wants to lol