Getting a gift you don't like

[ashleecarol]

So, we all know that Valentine's day has passed and many couples exchange gifts. I went with an LFAD option and I sent him a custom care package to his dorm with all of his favorite snacks and candies that I know he enjoys. I didn't receive my gift the day of Valentine's day because I was in class when it came by and I had to sign for it. I went to pick it up today and I opened up a jewelry box to reveal earrings. They have real baby diamonds at the top surrounded by white gold. Attached to the white gold stud is a yellow gold chain that dangles down to surround a red ruby stone. Now, they are not ruby gems that are pressed, cut, etc. These are actual ruby rocks before they are cut.
He told me about how he got them from a man who was a client of his father's and he happens to be a custom jeweler.

I don't want to seem ungrateful. It means a lot to me that he even did anything at all when he didn't have to, but jewelry for me is a picky thing. There are only certain things that I like and none of the things that these earrings happen to be are it. More frustrating is he does KNOW what I like because I've told him and he has seen all of my jewelry. I don't ever wear yellow gold and I have nothing they would go with...at least, not that I've found yet. I just hate that he spent that kind of money on something that I will find hard to wear or put it with my clothes. I know his heart was in the right place. It meant so much to me that he went out of his way and did this.

So, my questions:
Has anyone ever received a gift from your SO that you didn't like? Have YOU ever sent something to your SO that they didn't like?
Did you tell them you didn't like it? How did you go about expressing your feelings for the gift?

I feel so terrible He is coming to see me soon and I will feel so guilty if I don't wear them.

UPDATE
He brought it up and we talked about it. He was completely understanding. He was the first to say, "Be honest with me. You don't like them, do you?" I am not going to lie to him, so I gently told him that they just weren't my taste though the thought was wonderful. If you wanna know more, it is in a post on page 3.

[Engel]

I tell my SO what I want, if he ever gives me a gift as a surprise. he learned to listen!

he gave me an expensive pandora bead of silver and gold yesterday. I had no idea he would give it to me, but I had already showed it to him, with some more, for him to know the ones I like, in case he ever bought me one without me being there to choose.

give him a list, of things with many prices, that you would like. so on holidays he can just choose from there. would still be a surprise as you wouldn't know with one he would pick, but at least it would be something you KNOW you would like!

[Manoek]

Owh I'm sorry.. that sucks! I would feel the same way.. so hard.. what to do?!

Thank god I was never in this position,.. but i'm still waiting for my gift.. so maybe I can answer your question in a couple of days

[kiara_silver]

Never had this happen, he knows my taste pretty well, even if he doesn't like some of it lol And everything he's ever given me i've absolutely loved. He knows my taste in jewelery, and i love sentimental gifts.
The only thing I can think of isn't exactly what you mean. We were on the bus home, We woke up early, walked all that way waited and got on. We hadn't eaten anything and the ride was another 4-5 hours, so at one of the stops he went in to get us a snack. Lol was sweet of him, cause I can see why he would choose this for me, I do like burritoes, but never would I have gotten one at a gas station. It was so gross It was like a raw tortilla with a whole can of beans in it lol i had to like squeeze out some of the beans... haha but i ate it, i mean he went and payed for it and got it just for me, i was grateful, but yeah, this topic brought this to mind.
I would be grateful the gift is sweet, appreciating the gesture, the old saying, it's the thought that counts. Maybe hinting a bit more on what you would like next time or for the next upcoming holiday. hmm im sorry i don't really have much advice....

[MeganK]

thats being a little selfish and ungrateful.
u should be happy he sent u something that great
that he means he must really care to buy u something so expensive.

[fitfilipina]

It's really the thought that counts.

Personally, I wouldn't really get hung up on it and just take the gift for as it is. Next time a holiday comes around, take him to the mall or the store and just sound super excited about things you like so he remembers and gets it for you! I think it's a better surprise than giving him a list with prices on it, but that's just me.

[Trethsparr]

thats being a little selfish and ungrateful.
u should be happy he sent u something that great
that he means he must really care to buy u something so expensive.

The earrings may be expensive, and he may mean well by sending them, but it doesn't mean they would be her style or something that she would necessarily like to wear. It's okay that she doesn't like them. I do think her feelings on the issue are valid. If they're not to her taste, they're not to her taste.

I second fitfilipina's advice, and I would suggest trying to wear them a few times. They may grow on you, and if they don't, you can always try to steer him in the direction of your own style again for next time if you don't feel comfortable talking to him about them upfront. (Can't say that I would in your place. I would probably try wearing them a few times, then go from there.)

[megfashion]

ok, wasnt valentine's day, but christmas.

THE. WORST. EVER. COLOURED. GLOVES.

im sorry, i love him dearly, but doesnt he know im pretty much allergic to the colour pink and all those fancy girly colours? this was light pink, dark pink, purple and yellow gloves all merged together.

then he decided to bring his mother into this.

she bought me a scarf to go with it.


if i dont wear the scarf, she will be offended.

if i dont wear the gloves WITH the scarf, he will.


thank goodness winter is almost gone.......

[Rugger]

It's really the thought that counts. My boyfriend knows my taste pretty well, but I do remember a time that he got me a watch that I didn't particularly fancy (it wasn't ugly or anything, it just wasn't really something I would pick out on my own). Honestly, I just sucked it up. I knew he took a lot of time and effort (not to mention money on it) and I know that if I told him I didn't like it he would understand and not think I was being bitchy or ungrateful. It actually was a very beautiful watch, and I wore it and received a ton of compliments on it and I grew to like it as well.

This. Four our anniversary, my boyfriend got me a beautiful ruby bracelet to match the earrings he bought me the year before. The bracelet is gorgeous, but I have really thin wrist and I hate the feel of things jingling around them. I was a little bit disappointed at first, but I took it to my jeweler and got it shortened. Now I LOVE it. I have gotten so many compliments on it. Those earrings could grow on you

[MeganK]

well i wouldnt of said that but it just seems a lil wrong to say that
and not even give it a chance. to me that just seems a lil selfish.

[Engel]

thats being a little selfish and ungrateful.
u should be happy he sent u something that great
that he means he must really care to buy u something so expensive.

there is really no need for that. she stated she likes the thought behind it, but its something she doesn't see herself wearing. and its awful to see some expensive jewel just sitting in our jewelry box, never being used. specially one that came from someone so important to the person being gifted.
if he was going to spend so much money on a gift, he could at least check and double check pictures of her wearing jewelry on, to see what would fit with her other pieces and what she clearly likes. (i went to check her pictures for earrings when she posted this, so i don't see how he couldn't)

he meant well, and it is a gesture of love, but yeah... i really don't see why you are being rude to the OP.

---------- Post added at 06:53 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:48 AM ----------

ok, wasnt valentine's day, but christmas.

THE. WORST. EVER. COLOURED. GLOVES.

im sorry, i love him dearly, but doesnt he know im pretty much allergic to the colour pink and all those fancy girly colours? this was light pink, dark pink, purple and yellow gloves all merged together.

then he decided to bring his mother into this.

she bought me a scarf to go with it.


if i dont wear the scarf, she will be offended.

if i dont wear the gloves WITH the scarf, he will.


thank goodness winter is almost gone.......

pictures of scarf and gloves, please! lol

my mother in law and my husband know I'm pretty particular on what I like, but she has really good taste, so i trust her to buy me something as a surprise.
as for him... well, now he can choose beads (pandora or troll) to give me for every gift giving opportunity and I will be happy!

[ashleecarol]

thats being a little selfish and ungrateful.
u should be happy he sent u something that great
that he means he must really care to buy u something so expensive.

That I would rather him not spend the money on me for something I wouldn't wear because it isn't my taste? I would rather be able to wear it and adore it. Like someone else mentioned, I don't want them to just sit in my jewelry box. Your jewelry, your clothes, your shoes are suppose to fit you and express you. Please don't try and treat me like I am not absolutely flattered and flabbergasted that he was/is so wonderful to me. He is the best thing ever and I told him that a million times. I'm sorry that I can't say I adore them? If someone gave you something totally out of the blue that wasn't something that goes with your style, you'd feel the same. You have your own personal style and you wear your own personal stylish things. That doesn't mean I didn't care at all for the gesture of the gift. I am happy that he sent me something wonderful. I do know he really cares. There doesn't need to be a price tag or description of how expensive something is for me to know that he cares for me.

[ashleecarol]

ok, wasnt valentine's day, but christmas.

THE. WORST. EVER. COLOURED. GLOVES.

im sorry, i love him dearly, but doesnt he know im pretty much allergic to the colour pink and all those fancy girly colours? this was light pink, dark pink, purple and yellow gloves all merged together.

then he decided to bring his mother into this.

she bought me a scarf to go with it.


if i dont wear the scarf, she will be offended.

if i dont wear the gloves WITH the scarf, he will.


thank goodness winter is almost gone.......

Oh my goodness, I have gone through this as well before. However, the jewelry is just him this time. But YES, YES, YES! This is spot on with how I feel. "Oh my god, I freakin' love you, but whhhhhyyyy?"


To everyone else, thank you also for you responses Yes, I don't know if it did/didn't come off that way but I am incredibly grateful. Yes, the thought that he did that for me is just beyond believable and I can't express how fortunate I am to have him. I will definitely try to wear them a few times and see if they grow on me. I'll have to dig through my clothes dungeon of a closet and try to find something to wear with them (which is quite a big problem because they don't match much). Most of my clothes are dark green, dark brown, dark blue, or black. The only red I own is my college clothes and it is red with silver.

---------- Post added at 12:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:07 AM ----------

there is really no need for that. she stated she likes the thought behind it, but its something she doesn't see herself wearing. and its awful to see some expensive jewel just sitting in our jewelry box, never being used. specially one that came from someone so important to the person being gifted.
if he was going to spend so much money on a gift, he could at least check and double check pictures of her wearing jewelry on, to see what would fit with her other pieces and what she clearly likes. (i went to check her pictures for earrings when she posted this, so i don't see how he couldn't)

he meant well, and it is a gesture of love, but yeah... i really don't see why you are being rude to the OP.

I appreciate this. You got what I was saying exactly (as did many of the others)

[ushiwakafox]

I don't know, I'd be thrilled to death if I got real gold and ruby and diamond earrings no matter what they look like. I've never had this happen with jewelry, but it has happened with other things.
What I do is think about how I would feel in his situation. If I found out that he didn't like something that I put time and effort (and money) to get, it would break my heart.
So I vote just wear them every now and again, even if it's just to make him happy and proud. Buying jewelry is a big deal for a lot of guys. Maybe when you two are together, wear them every so often when he's around to show him that you appreciate him. They don't have to match, they're pretty just on their own.
I also agree with another poster said, in the future, maybe casually show him a picture of something that you like. That'll definitely help him out when shopping around for you.
Another thing I wanted to add, is I recently I saw a gorgeous opal ring that I fell in love with. I told my SO about it, and he told me that he's sure that it's very nice, but if he's going to buy me a ring or any jewelry, he wants to buy it for me because he wants me to have it. He wants to be able to pick it out because he likes it and thinks/wants me to like it as well. I hope that makes sense.

[ashleecarol]

We actually talked about it. HE brought it up actually because he knows me well enough that goes, "I know you don't like them. Be honest with me. Do you like them?" Obviously I am not going to lie to just make him feel better. I told him gently about them not being my style and he admitted before I finished that he panicked to get something for me for Valentine's day and just got them. He felt ashamed that he brought into pressure instead of just waiting to find what he knew I loved. But, he immediately goes, "Please, send them back. I buckled. I want to get you something you love."

I am so lucky. I continuously told him how much I cared and loved the thought, but he goes, "Hon, I love cars! If you got me a car that was a car I loved in HOT PINK....I'd grind my teeth and mutter 'oh...thank you...', but really, I'd want the car in black." Everything goes back to cars with him Love that man