(For those who know) How did you come to realize your SO is the one?

[Bethypoo]

Id like to start by saying that I dont believe in love at first sight and do believe in soul mates but not that it has to be a romantic relationship.

Even when I realized that I had feelings for my SO, it was different. It was an entirely different feeling that I had ever had when I liked someone. We were together for about 6ish months before I realized that this was a different feeling than I have ever had before. I don't know what about it was different, the relationship itself didn't seem overly different, but it again, just felt different.

I think I realized it because of how different it felt. But also because I was noticing that i was factoring him into my life and into my future. Doing things with out him just didn't feel right. Anytime i would pick a fight and tried to get him to leave me, when i came to my senses and thought about not being together and realized that being apart is not what I wanted.

I dont know if i believe in the saying "if it is the right one, you'll know." but I do believe it now when people say when you are in love with someone you cant explain why.

[Rugger]

Why do you think your SO is the one?
I think he is The One because of how well we get along. I could easily spend the rest of my life with the man who makes me epic breakfast, can hold whole conversations in dinosaur and loves me despite all my flaws.


How/when did you come to realize, and how are you sure?

There have been several different occasions that I realized he may be the one for me. The first was when I came clean to him about the abuse and assault at the hands of my ex and he just listened and held me. The next time was when we had our first serious talk about closing the distance and the last was only two weeks ago. I was drunk and over emotional. I started crying in the shower and instead of staying with his friends, he broke into the bathroom and got in with me to ask me what was wrong. I fell in love all over again.

[FadedSunrise]

@ Dziubka
Yup. As I just said in another thread I haven't seen him in 14 months, and it will be a minimum of 18 before even a 1 day visit, and up to 3-4 yrs if I get busy and my parents' finances get tight. I don't have time in my academic schedule to make enough money to fund my own visits(a cheap round trip ticket to China is $850-950, and the only job I do still hold is tutoring a neighbor's kid for 30-40 bucks a week), and thus my parents can't be paying for me to visit China that frequently either.

For those reasons it was logical to break up, but I still can't help feeling confused and like there was no closure, like it just had to happen, but that I am left with many what ifs.

[Josephine Falnor]

I feel like I've known my girl was the one for me since early in our relationship, right after our first visit (we'd met online, so we didn't meet in person until after we got together). It hurt so bad after she left, and I didn't even feel like I was at home anymore, since she wasn't here. However, I think the REAL moment I knew she was absolutely, without a doubt the one for me was when I realized I would move to be with her. I've always been super attached to my family, and I spent a lot of time with them. Despite that, I still want to move nine hours away to be with my SO. I've never wanted to move away from my town, so that's a huge indicator, I think.

Then there's a part of me that just knows she's the one. I don't really know when it started, I just know that I want to be with her forever. We've gone through a lot together, and I want to always be by her side to support her. She's definitely my soul mate.

[littleblue]

I never really believed in 'the one' as such, and i'm still not sure if l do, but I do know that, for the first time ever, I can't actually imagine my life without my SO.

I also agree with ktiere. I do believe that I would have met someone else if I hadn't have met him, but I feel like I have found my match in so many ways. We generally share the same morals and are emotionally very similar. He seems to understand me more than anyone, probably even more than my family.

[Dziubka]

@ Dziubka
For those reasons it was logical to break up, but I still can't help feeling confused and like there was no closure, like it just had to happen, but that I am left with many what ifs.

In the hope of not sounding like a grandma:
Well I guess it passes, with time.
There'll always be what if's, but it's really more important to focus on what IS than what IF. Once you are at a point in life where you're really happy and at ease with what/where/who you are, you stop wondering "what if".

When I was 19 I had just moved away from my parents' and I lived in a city that had a huge ship yard. On a friend's birthday party I met this guy, who was a sailor and from the second I saw him I had a HUGE crush on him. He was so so so handsome and his accent sounded sexy and like home. He was in the city for about two weeks because their ship went through a general overhaul. We send a lot of texts and met up twice more.
After that we exchanged all of two e-mails. We had promised to visit each other and stay in touch and blah. But it didn't really work out. I guess we both realized it wasn't a realistic possibility. It all seemed very romantic, but realistically I wouldn't have given up my single-hood for a guy a barely knew, without much communication, with him being gone for months at a time and us living in different countries then.

For a while after that I did wonder about him and what might have been, but it didn't keep my up at night. I could just as well have wondered what would have happened if I had won 10 million in the lottery. I don't believe in "the one". I'm not that complicated a person that there's only one other person I can spend my life (or a big part if it) with. Having an enormous crush isn't a good way to tell if someone's is "one of the ones" for you anyway. I've heavily crushed on people I know I wouldn't be able to have a week long relationship with.
There's probably a parallel universe in which we're happily married, but it's not this one. There's probably also a parallel universe where I'm a millionaire living in a palace. If we were to worry about all the what if's, that would be all we'd be doing all day long.

[FadedSunrise]

@Dziubka
It does keep me up at night though. We used to talk in all methods a lot, but I guess it matters that we never did anything beyond talking because we couldn't. We'd talk something like 6-10 hrs a week. Logically I already made my decision with what makes "sense", and have had plenty of people in all areas tell me "it will pass with time" "more will come along" "What do you really know about him anyways, you guys never spent time together", and logically I understand all of that. Logically. And I've always been a person to follow the logical decisions in my life, which again, people tell me "there's nothing wrong with that".

But on the other hand in defiance of all logic I cry at the thought of losing him. I'm crying right now thinking about how its supposed to be over for good. I'm trying to rationalize it all I can to the fact that I'm just immature and this is only a reaction to losing something familiar, but a part of my brain wants to say "fuck that, you know its not". But this goes around in a circle to "do I really know that, or am I just trying to rationalize my rationalization?" I dream at night frequently about chasing him and never catching up. After a month of no contact I can't help but wonder, and be chilled by whether he died in a traffic accident.

I've only had what I can call a crush on 3 guys this far. One was for all of a week. Otherwise I'm completely disinterested, so disinterested I've thought I was asexual at one point. So I don't know that I CAN say it was just a huge crush-I don't even crush on actors! These guys, including the ex, were not even good looking! The ex was short, slender, and had such bony cheeks that everyone thought he was super old. But his personality glowed. We didn't spend much time together, but the time we did spend and what I gathered from talking to him I can say I'm not wrong about his personality.

Absolutely everybody but the friend who's met him tell me that they know better, that more will come along, that I'm too young, immature, and inexperienced to really know the situation, and that they know-I just have to shut up listen and they will be proven right. When I say that I got one person who agrees with me, her judgment is questioned and shot down for being just as immature/inexperienced.


Maybe it is true that when the majority says it, it has to be true. What else am I to think.

[ttfit2]

How/when did you come to realize, and how are you sure?
There was no set date, it just kind of happened. I've never been more sure of anything else; I do understand I may be wrong in the end, but as of now, this is what I feel and I'm certain that we will make it. I even told him from the very beginning, "once you know, you know." And I think I do! But we'll see.

I totally agree with you. It just happened. I wasn't looking for love but it hit me. I, too, could be wrong, but for right now that is the way I feel!

[Zephii]

I call my SO my "special person" because I don't believe in "the one". The idea that there's only one person on this planet who I could ever be truly happy with is not only highly unlikely but depressing. What if he dies? Or what if we had never managed to meet? Or what if that person uses this concept to keep you in a toxic relationship - because if they are the one you could never find something better?

That aside, I wanted to answer this thread. Sometimes I get all girly and I feel like the Goddess wants us to be together... and how I "know" that is simply by how happy we make each other day to day. He has what I need to feel loved, supported and to grow as a person, without giving me everything I might want because that would likely lead to me taking shit for granted, becoming stagnant or even just getting bored. We have the same basis values, even though some of the values I hold are mean spirited( I admit it )
I know because I like who I am when I'm with him. There are a lot of reasons but I get sick of typing with one hand

When? Seeming I don't believe in "the one" it wasn't like this romantic moment. When I went for that first visit it was to determine if we were going to commit and make this shit work come hell or high water or simply get some damn closure. It took as a week to have the "let's make a plan" conversation, and when we did that, I knew that this would be something long lasting. It's almost like a fairy tale, honestly. That's what it feels like - living a fairy tale.

Yeah, I think you just know. I think all people have the knowledge of most of their own questions inside them, but they generally don't listen. For this? Yeah, you know. You might question if you can make the situation work - I know I sure did - but you can tell if you're linked with that person on some level.

[marbear31]

You know the funniest thing--when I think about this practically, it's kind of depressing to think there could only be "one" person for me. What if one of us dies early? What if something we can't even fathom tears us apart? But then I remember, not only do I tend to overanalyze things, if I'm only thinking about this concept "practically," I could come up with a million and one reasons why we shouldn't "practically" be together (age difference, different countries, distance, etc.). So, when I consider this question, I think of it as a fused spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, practical, and physiological concept; it's an entirety, a totality of consideration.

I'm sure there could be several people out there I'm compatible with, but who wouldn't fit me as perfectly as Stephen does. He fits that whole concept; he gets top marks for every facet of what I need in a relationship. What amazes me most is that we mesh perfectly, even within our extremities (we're both completely opposite on the spiritual side, for example; I'm a cradle Catholic and he's an avid athiest). I think what makes me know he's the "one" for me is that we work, even within our opposite tendencies. And we not only work, we grow within those differences.

Whenever I question if we can actually be compatible because of our different spiritualities, it always helps me when I consider that no one is going to have my exact spiritual beliefs, even if we're in the same faith. I think the most beautiful relationships stem from a merged understanding of belief systems, one that make you open your eyes to a new way of thinking, and make you grow as a person. I've learned more about myself and my faith in this past year and a half than I have in twenty years of religious training. I question things because I want to question them, not because someone else is telling me they're correct. I've become both more independent and dependent; I've grown in directions I never thought possible.

So, how did I know Stephen was the one? As Zephii said, it wasn't just one particular moment; it was a series of moments. A huge part of it involved a changed mindset on my part as well. For the longest time, I crushed on guys and pursued them and flirted with them in the hopes that they would just plop into my lap, gift-wrapped and all, as a ready-made "perfect man." I would make up qualities where none existed, and I'd romanticize every small interaction between the guy and I liked and myself. When I went to Ireland to study abroad, I promised myself I would just concentrate on being aware and being open towards any new possibilities, both personally and professionally. I concentrated on the day by day, and simply opened myself to new experiences. Once I changed my mindset, honest to God, everything just seemed to fall into place. It was like once I opened myself to God and Nature's forces, what was meant to happen happened. I met Stephen five days into my study abroad trip, and I haven't looked back since. I approached our relationship with presence; I didn't (or, at least I tried not to :P) approach our relationship as an end, but as as means. I focused on our journey, especially at the beginning. As the weeks went on, everything I'd hoped for and dreamed of in a relationship just clicked.

I know he's the one because we clung to each other even when circumstances should have driven us apart. He embarked on a 3 month traveling excursion around Asia a month into our relationship, and ended up coming back twelve days into it because he missed me so much. He took an impulse trip to Thailand with his best friend two weeks before I was supposed to leave, and we almost broke up because of the distance. He struggled with trusting in love again after an on-again-off-again liason with his son's mother. Looking back on it, our first several months were incredibly turbulent; as my best friend put it, "You guys had a six month relationship in two weeks." We did everything against the book, but we came out together.

So, after that INCREDIBLY long explanation, it comes down to this: I know he's the one because we proved we can get through difficult circumstances together, even in the tentativity of the beginning parts of a relationship. We finish each other's sentences, and are matched so perfectly it's crazy. Where we're not matched conventionally, we grow together towards new understandings. We motivate each other to become better people. I can't even fathom living without him. I still get butterflies when I think of him. I'm dually content and exhilarated with him. The day we met, the set of circumstances that brought us together are too incredible to ignore as anything other than destiny. He makes me the happiest I've ever been, and I can't imagine a future without him.

At the end of the day, he's not "the one," but the right one, and I will love him forever.

[prinzeza87]

i know it, i feel it, i sense it, i want it, i live it second after second,i have never given up on him and us even when certain things hurted me so bad and i decide to stay and fight for us when in all of my past relationships i did and simply didnt care moving on. i cant see my self without him for the first time, im totally in love with him.

[MattDavies86]

To be honest I've a had a lot of girlfriends in my time, most of which were in my local area, but never this far away, when I met her i wasn't even looking for a gf back home let alone another country, I even thought it would be stupid of me to even get involved with someone out of the country on a holiday and was adamant it wasn't going to happen, but then, without warning I met her, clap eyes on her and she was the most beautiful thing I ever saw, couldn't take my eyes off her, and she me, could tell she was nervous and shy around me, but we started talking and it lead from there, before I knew it I was madly in love with her and still am.

I don't know bout the whole concept of "the one" I think it depends on the person, I bet a great many people settle with someone rather than look for that special one that could make you real happy, but I feel sure I've met the one that will make me happy all my life and keep me happy, she's unlike any other girl I've met before and it's great

[Jimmy25]

If a person date you its not mean you are love with that.Love depends on your emotions and what you do for other person.Some time you feel that you are doing nothing by helping her But she may realize that you solve a big problem of that.Here is the same story in my life.

[AlicexZero]

I realized my SO was the one when he helped me feel better after a really difficult time where I felt alone. I also realized he was the one when even after he made me mad, I couldn't stay mad at him and my love doesn't die for him. I love him more than he knows