The secret lives of wives

[snow_girl]

I don't know where to put this, there isn't really a section for it Anyway I was looking though an old Macleans magazine while visiting my Grandma, I didn't get a chance to read the whole article but it was along the lines that the secret to a happy marriage is to have affairs. Even if you are happy with your partner sometimes there are certain things that he lacks (interest in art, sexual appetite, etc) and so if you find it somewhere else it will make you less likely to end your otherwise happy marriage. One lady in the article met up with a high school bf once a month for lunch and ended it with a make out session to keep the spark alive with their spouse

Anyway I googled it to see what it was all about Here is the article

What are your opinions? Any of the married folk on here, would this be something you would ever consider? I thought it was interesting and had never heard of it so I thought I'd see what others think of it.

[Rach321]

More and more, I'm becoming open to the idea that relationships don't always work the way society tells us they should. It doesn't mean that the one man-one woman (or two men or two women) monogamous partnership doesn't work, because it definitely does. But I don't think it works for everyone. What I don't agree with is cheating in secret, but if partners find it helpful to foster other relationships, maybe it's not so bad. I'm not married, but I consider myself to be in a lifetime partnership. I can't imagine ever being sexually intimate with another person besides my partner, and I don't think I'd be able to accept it if he wanted to. But, developing friendships and spending time apart might not be such a bad idea. Either way, I think the key to a successful relationship is that the people involved are open with one another about their needs. It's an interesting article!

[kteire]

I think having interests and lives outside of each other is very important, but I could never lie to my SO or cheat on him. I'm not a massively jealous person, but I know I could never be fine with my SO sleeping with anyone else, and I don't have the desire to. I value honesty too much for cheating to work anyway!

That being said, I think if people are open and both feel the same way about their type of relationship boundaries, it's more healthy than trying to conform to something they don't want.

[Engel]

I think having interests and lives outside of each other is very important, but I could never lie to my SO or cheat on him. I know I could never be fine with my SO sleeping with anyone else, and I don't have the desire to. I value honesty too much for cheating to work anyway!

That being said, I think if people are open and both feel the same way about their type of relationship boundaries, it's more healthy than trying to conform to something they don't want.

I edited a part, because I am indeed jealous, but all else you said applies to me.

Im married, and would never sleep with other men, or let my husband sleep with other women! hobbies and an independent life from each other is important! but why be married if you want to fool around? not for me. if it would work for other people, with their spouse KOWING about it, more power to them.

[Kairi19]

I think there is a difference between secretly cheating on your partner and having a relationship with someone on the side with your partner's consent. If a couple is comfortable with doing that, then that's fine and good luck to them. For me personally, I would never want to be intimate with a person other than my SO and I definitely wouldn't like the idea of him being with another girl.

[Dziubka]

Well, d'uh.
Having friends and separate interests is important.
If your spouse is the only interested you have and you do everything together, then what can you talk about? That must get boring really quick. It's important to have interests and success (is there a plural of success?) in other areas than your relationship. I read a book on successful relationships a while ago and the main tip was that instead of complaining about your partner or trying to change them, you should do everything in your power that makes you happy and as a result your relationship will improve.
So instead of complaining that you never go to watch independent artsy foreign films in the cinema, because your partner doesn't like them, you should go and see them alone or with friends. It might not make your partner like them, but you'll have one reason less to be unhappy in your relationship.

But I don't know if an affair is the way to go. I think physical unfaithfulness, especially if it's in the form of a continouus affair is a dangerous thing to play with. If you're intimate with someone you fall in love with them faster than you might realise... and then the harmless, fun affair destroyed your marriage.

[Lady Death]

Well, just because this article has some facts doesn't necessarily mean that it applies to every woman in a relationship.

Sure, I still haven't met my SO, but I can't imagine ever cheating on him with another person. Not especially when such a thing has happened to him before I became his SO.
(and if by "thing", I meant that he has been cheated on before and it wasn't a lovely thing at all)

Having guy friends isn't a bad thing, but an affair is something else. :\

[littleblue]

I found this thread, and the article really interesting.

For me, though, I am all or nothing in a relationship. Loyalty is very important to me, and my SO, and I think that while saying that having affairs might keep a marriage together, what would happen to the marriage if your partner found out they were being cheated on?

I have been cheated on in 2 past relationships. It made me feel as though I wasn't good enough for anyone. I actually hated myself more than the people who cheated on me, and it knocked my confidence so much. It took a long time and a very loving, TRUSTWORTHY boyfriend to make me realise it wasn't my fault. From that point of view, I know that cheating on your partner will NEVER make them happy.

I think it's important to have your own life, your own things and your own friends in a relationship, but that is completely different to the idea of having an affair!!!

[lademoiselle]

I for one could never cheat on my SO, nor could I bear an open relationship. I'm with the previous poster on the value of loyalty, and infidelity is something which I couldn't condone - for myself or my partner. From my point of view you're either committed to someone or you aren't; if I felt the need to have an affair I'd know that there was something profoundly lacking within my relationship, and would either try to rectify it or end it altogether.