Do You Have a Deadline On When You Have to Close the Distance?

[Bethypoo]

Nope, we don't. For us, it works as we're both already established and mid-career, it's just not that easy for one of us to make an international move. Also, we aren't interested in marriage or kids, so we certainly aren't "wasting time" on anything. While our relationship is top-priority for both of us, closing the distance isn't at this point. Sure, we hate saying goodbye, but personally, I love the traveling even if it's very expensive. If he and I never got together, I'd be spending my time traveling anyway, so...

Yeah, we'll close it someday, at a time when we're able to tie everything together and it will work out for us. In the meantime, we're both extremely independent people and our relationship is damn near perfect; not everybody is in a rush to close the distance for various reasons, it does not mean we don't have our stuff together, or have no future, or our relationship is any less serious, we're simply in a different place in our lives than most of the people on this forum.

This is what my dad needs and what he is looking for! A lot of people mid career are going this route and honestly it is great!

[magician13134]

My SO and I started dating in high school, so we had planned on 4 years of distance before getting to be together again, but unfortunately, she switched schools (and majors) and I switched majors so it's going to take me five and her six. This is our third year of distance, so (fingers crossed) just two more!

[Moon]

I like your relationship and I really love when you respond to my threads because it's much different than mine. I think distance works for some people and I certainly commend you on making it work as you guys do. I know the mobility that this time in our lives makes it easier to make a move for both of us. (If he had come here or I had gone there) Plus, not having to move internationally does make all the difference.

I can't make my relationship work the way you guys do though, I just can't do it. As independent as I am, this relationship has shown me how much better I do with someone physically by my side and with that affection and sleeping next to somebody. Cuddling, sleeping in the same bed with someone is not something I do with anyone - including my mother and for whatever reason I'm only comfortable with my boyfriend.

I want that in my every day life. (plus I need to get out of this place!!!)

I want to say, I don't think that your relationship is any less valid than anyone elses just because you don't have a time to close the distance or the drive to do it immediately, I don't think that about anyone's relationship. I realize that different dynamics work out different for everyone, we're all individuals and at different points in our lives.

I just wonder sometimes though if everyone is so worried about closing the distance that they aren't taking a minute to appreciate and enjoy the relationship that they have at that moment, y'know? I think that's part of the reason why I'm content with the way my relationship is. I mean, I REALLY miss sleeping with him (and I can't even tell ya how much I miss sex), but as hard as it can be, I like to think that our communication is as good as it'll ever be, since that hour or two we have everyday has no distractions. I try to weigh every disadvantage with an advantage, and that makes the miles feel a lot shorter. Also, we aren't the most conventional people in the world either, which helps

I do think that for most people, especially from mid 20's to early 30's, a closing date is much more important. You're mostly started in a career and are now moving on to seriously thinking through the rest of your lives, which usually includes marriage and kids, so I can understand why people are so anxious to close things, and being LD makes things go more slowly.

I also think a lot of people think I'm nuts for being OK with being LD (including my Mom!), and I'm not saying that's necessarily an incorrect assessment For me, I've been married, and my guy was in a very long term, live in relationship before, so neither of us are in a huge hurry to go through that hassle again

As much as I enjoy having control of the remote full-time, I'm really looking forward to our next visit! Hah!

[Moon]

This is what my dad needs and what he is looking for! A lot of people mid career are going this route and honestly it is great!

Good luck to him! It's not easy to find two people who are good with this, but I'm sure he'll find someone
(*sigh* Now that I've been compared to another adult's father, I'm gonna go see if there's some traffic I can play in )

[Sierra]

I just wonder sometimes though if everyone is so worried about closing the distance that they aren't taking a minute to appreciate and enjoy the relationship that they have at that moment, y'know? I think that's part of the reason why I'm content with the way my relationship is. I mean, I REALLY miss sleeping with him (and I can't even tell ya how much I miss sex), but as hard as it can be, I like to think that our communication is as good as it'll ever be, since that hour or two we have everyday has no distractions. I try to weigh every disadvantage with an advantage, and that makes the miles feel a lot shorter. Also, we aren't the most conventional people in the world either, which helps

I do think that for most people, especially from mid 20's to early 30's, a closing date is much more important. You're mostly started in a career and are now moving on to seriously thinking through the rest of your lives, which usually includes marriage and kids, so I can understand why people are so anxious to close things, and being LD makes things go more slowly.

I also think a lot of people think I'm nuts for being OK with being LD (including my Mom!), and I'm not saying that's necessarily an incorrect assessment For me, I've been married, and my guy was in a very long term, live in relationship before, so neither of us are in a huge hurry to go through that hassle again

As much as I enjoy having control of the remote full-time, I'm really looking forward to our next visit! Hah!

I don't think you're nuts at all, as a matter of fact, I totally get it.
Before I got involved in my current relationship, a family member of mine was encouraging me to get involved with a relationship just like yours, but it wasn't what I wanted at this time in my life.

I'm getting ready to start a career - the question is where, and I think when that question is up in the air it makes sense - if you're in an LDR or want to make a chance, to embrace the opportunity. For me, at this point in my life, a relationship like yours would tear me apart, but the way you two make it work is so commendable.

I see relationships like this: It has to work for both people. Some people need to be around each other more often than others and that doesn't take away from the validity, the importance, or the love between the people. Like Bethy said, I know people who NEED or WANT relationships just like yours.

I enjoy seeing, getting and giving feedback to everyone on this forum who is at a different point in their relationship as others. No relationship follows a set path, and even if you try to walk that path, I think most of us know life has other things in store for us.

If I was settled down here, and had a stable career (I do have a career, but I'm ready to take it one step further and I hate my boss), I would be much less likely to make a move. But when my boyfriend and I started seeing each other, I already didn't like the job I was working at now (but I have to say here for a year because of the field I'm in) and he wasn't happy with his job either.

We both needed a change.

I'm rambling, but I don't think you should really think that people think you're crazy, because you know what, you're happy, you have someone who I'm sure loves you dearly and you love the same, isn't that what matters?

My point of this thread wasn't to invalidate relationships because people weren't planning on closing the distance, just to see if anyone else had/was/had thoughts on the path that my boyfriend and I were taking, and trust me, I love seeing everyone's different plans. It helps me take some things into consideration I wouldn't otherwise. And I think that's what a forum is all about.

[~whendarknessfalls]

There's not a set time we have planned to end the distance, but once I finish college in 2 more years I think that is the unofficial time he wants to end the distance and I really don't want it to go longer than that.. since that would be 3 years long distance. So hopefully by then we will be together. I just don't want to be in an LDR forever. I just want to be with him <3

[Moon]

I don't think you're nuts at all, as a matter of fact, I totally get it.
Before I got involved in my current relationship, a family member of mine was encouraging me to get involved with a relationship just like yours, but it wasn't what I wanted at this time in my life.

I'm getting ready to start a career - the question is where, and I think when that question is up in the air it makes sense - if you're in an LDR or want to make a chance, to embrace the opportunity. For me, at this point in my life, a relationship like yours would tear me apart, but the way you two make it work is so commendable.

I see relationships like this: It has to work for both people. Some people need to be around each other more often than others and that doesn't take away from the validity, the importance, or the love between the people. Like Bethy said, I know people who NEED or WANT relationships just like yours.

I enjoy seeing, getting and giving feedback to everyone on this forum who is at a different point in their relationship as others. No relationship follows a set path, and even if you try to walk that path, I think most of us know life has other things in store for us.

If I was settled down here, and had a stable career (I do have a career, but I'm ready to take it one step further and I hate my boss), I would be much less likely to make a move. But when my boyfriend and I started seeing each other, I already didn't like the job I was working at now (but I have to say here for a year because of the field I'm in) and he wasn't happy with his job either.

We both needed a change.

I'm rambling, but I don't think you should really think that people think you're crazy, because you know what, you're happy, you have someone who I'm sure loves you dearly and you love the same, isn't that what matters?

My point of this thread wasn't to invalidate relationships because people weren't planning on closing the distance, just to see if anyone else had/was/had thoughts on the path that my boyfriend and I were taking, and trust me, I love seeing everyone's different plans. It helps me take some things into consideration I wouldn't otherwise. And I think that's what a forum is all about.

It's OK, Sierra, I didn't think you were invalidating it at all See, I've explained this before, and you've been on this site for a long time, so I know you get it, but there are a ton of newbies here in the last month or so, and I was just explaining a little more of why someone would choose to stay LD, since that's not an option everyone understands. It's not something I'd recommend for most people though, especially during that time when you're getting your life established

[dukes2011]

We're hoping we'll close the distance in 2 years, but we don't have a deadline on it. I'm in grad school til May 2013, so definitely sometime after that. I also have to do a 9 month fellowship once I graduate and I have no idea if I'll get one right away or where I'll be geographically. That makes it sort of tough to set an end date, but we're of course hoping to close it as soon as we can.

He is establishing himself as a teacher and saving money as much as he can so we'll have a better future when we're eventually together. For now, we're enjoying what the relationship has to offer and how much we've grown in the past few years. It can be tough to be optimistic since I love deadlines, but he's teaching me to go with the flow and always reminding me to relax!

[FadedSunrise]

This whole timeline thing is a large part of the reason we broke up.

Originally I was going to stay with him, no matter what, because I was fairly certain that I visit the country regularly due to seeing family. On top of that, I was applying for 3 separate programs for long term study there, and I thought at least one of them would work out. Complications came up in my grandparents' health on both sides, but instead of needing me to visit more often and help out in China, my parents pushed me to the side and recruited other relatives, time and time again, and visits (even short ones) just passed by like that. I got rejected three weeks early from my first study program, which is definitely not going to be a good sign for my other ones (they are not determined yet). Even if I get my study program, it would not be much longer than 6 months, and after that plans got even foggier.

I guess we were too blinded by our emotions to see, before we even started the relationship, how futile it would be to schedule any visits.

Good thing its over now.

[Hololz]

Well we will close the distance (again) in 6 months time. We'll be CD for upto a year, then who knows where each of us will be. He graduates first so I imagine I'll move to be close to where he has settled after he graduates. I like to think that once both of us have graduated we'll move into together. I would like to move into together within 2 -3 years time, by which point we'll have been in a realtionship 5-6 years.

If it comes to a point after we graduate where neither of us is willing to compromise on moving becuase of jobs I think it would be best to admit it isnt going to work.

[blankita719]

No deadline - but we do have sort of a timeline for the earliest we can close the distance unless circumstances change. He has a son that is a junior in high school and he does not want to move until his son graduates. I bought my house here two years ago and in this god awful economy, I likely won't be selling it for quite some time. Plus mortgage terms keep me from selling the house within a specific time frame. We kind of agreed that 3 years would be the max and we're half way through it now. I'm in my 30's and he is in his 40's and I do want to get married at some point We're probably past kids now since we each have one and I have a self imposed deadline of no more kids once I reach 35...which will be right around the time we are able to close the distance.

[MathnSkating]

We went into this knowing that I'd probably be moving closer to him. I was already applying to schools near him and planning on moving out there even before we had a relationship going. Really all the relationship has done is shift which schools I view as more important. There was one school I had my eye on that is kind of far from him, but the others are within an hour or so bus ride. It just sort of worked out for us. I don't think we would have started dating had we not known that I was already planning on moving somewhere.

I enjoy this stage of our relationship. But mostly I'm just looking forward to the next phase in my life. I want to move away from where I am and start my own life someplace new. I'm also looking forward to being closer to my SO. But I have a lot more ahead of me than I do currently around me, so... While I enjoy /us/ now, I'm not particularly amused about much else.

[Biscous]

Been LDR since last August. Our deadline is beginning of May. We've survived the bulk of it Thank God, so we are getting close to the home stretch.

[Ivy]

This is not fair!

We agreed on me moving there in May ( end of it) because of my studies, as it's my last year and my exams were supposed to end until 25th of may. Apparently, today I understood that they will end end of June. This of course makes things bad, because :
1) The last time we will see each other before my leaving there will be April 2nd.
2) it's 3 months of not seeing each other (other than skype)
3) it's too much for me to handle it
4) it will be most definitely messing with my head during study time
I tried to think of ways to make it to May..... I called my college, I spoke with them about it but as always they are rude and just don;t explain you anything. I asked them help me move my exams earlier, even if I have to pay for that, seems like people are not understanding anymore. Always happens to me - and I know this has happened to fellow students at college. What the hell should I do????

We already spoke about it hundred times, I was supposed to buy my ticket this week (for end of may) and now it feels like everything is going down My SO is strangely calm - he thinks 2 months is "easy peasy". And for me is just plain awful because this means devote myself to skype life (and this is 90% ) for a lot more than I wished.

[milaya]

Our deadline is pretty much my University education.
I hope to move to Japan as soon as I graduate university in 2014 - at that time we'll have been long distance for +4 years.
Unfortunately for us closing the distance doesn't just mean me moving to Japan - he also has to quit his job, which would keep us long distance even though I lived in Japan - because he works on a ship for 5 weeks (and then has 5 weeks off). Which is also why that even though I'll be studying in Japan for 6 months, we won't see each other more often anyway.