Should I???

[Angela01]

I have been thinking about asking my SO to become engaged to me......not the traditional "will you marry me" as I don't want it to come across in a way that he may think i'm trying to push him into marriage asap because i'm not. It just seems to feel right to me to ask at this time. Yes, I am a female considering asking my male SO to marry me which is also untraditional. But it is a leap year. :-) We have talked about marriage quite a bit during our relationship and we have probably spent a considerable amount more time together then most LDC (we have been living together for the last 5 1/2 months but he is now back in his home country until September). I have said to him during one of our marriage conversations that I had thought about asking him to marry me before and he asked me why I hadn't asked and it was through fear of rejection. We have been in a relationship for nearly 2 years. Some outside opinions would be much appreciated. Male input would be nice, as in how would you react if a female asked you.
Thanks everyone!!

[Ivy]

Well I think if you feel like doing it - do it. I mean, If yo consider this to be the best decision you can make for your relationship then it's OK. Nobody is in place to judge or tell you what to do - I think what we really talk about here is personal awareness. I think if a man don't want to marry a certain girl, he wouldn't just start serious talks about marriage. So maybe he is waiting for a little more time, right time. Who knows.

Don't you consider that not married life is as sweet and loving and committed as married? I know, the fact that he will be your HUSBAND and you will have HIS name, it's cute, it's bonding. But it's not necessary, yes? If you have even little doubts if you should/ shouldn't do it I recommend you have a few more serious talks with him and then do this.

Best of wishes!

[Dziubka]

Out of curiosity, if it's not the traditional "Will you marry me?", then what are you planning to do?

Are you planning to get married? Do you have a date/year when you want to get married?
If not, then I don't understand the deal about getting engaged. It's only changing the label, but it won't make your relationship more stable, committed or valid. I know that people have different views on that, but to me engagement isn't upgrading your relationship, it's the time to actively plan a wedding. I wouldn't want to get engaged without serious wedding plans. Serious as in more than "let's get married".

Again, personally, I would never propose to my boyfriend. We've discussed marriage and our wedding and we know when and where we want to get married. Getting married is a decision we've made together as a couple. He knows I'll say yes, when he'll finally propose - it's not a real question. But I want to him to show that he's serious about going through with this and that he's putting effort into being with me.
He knows I want the whole going down on one knee with a ring kind of deal and that without that there's going to be no wedding.

[Darth_Taco]

You wanna get engaged, but you don't want to ask him to marry you? Then what's the point? If you're afraid he's not ready, then don't even bother. Wait until you feel you're both willing to make that commitment.

As for the actual concept of you being the one to propose, uh...cool I guess. I just don't understand why you think you should have to do it on a leap year. A woman should be able to propose to the man she wants to spend her life with whatever year she wants as long as it's right in the relationship. I just suggest you don't do it with a ring. Do it with a battle ax instead @_@! In the future, I'm proposing to my boyfriend with either a high-powered riffle (he's a gun nut) or a puppy :'D. We're a gay relationship though, so tradition went out the window for us a long time ago :P. We're also replacing the first dance with the first lightsaber battle :'D.

[Rugger]

We're also replacing the first dance with the first lightsaber battle :'D.

I think I love you.... This is the most epic thing EVER.


If you want to propose, DO IT. Why wait for leap year?

[dglynn77]

Cool idea! I suppose I would not want to try it as I'm super traditional, but if you feel it is right for you and your relationship, good luck!

[digitalfever]

I really don't see why not. You know your relationship and if your comfortable with asking do it!!!!!! I think it would be a fun way to start your life together.

All I can say is don't put the ring in food. A friend of mine nearly choked to death on her engagement ring.

[kat4301]

I am sort of a control freak, so I think this is a great idea, and I def. thought about doing this as well. I think marriage/commitment should be want you it to be, why conform, do what makes you happy

[Zephii]

Why not? The worst that can happen is he says no, right?

I think it's fine for the chick to ask (or for the bloke to ask another bloke, or whatever. Gender is too limiting!) but I think if you're going to propose, then you're going to propse. There's no point to being engaged unless you're ready (both ready!) to get married. That's what being engaged is for

I do know for Obi and I he'd have felt cheated out of an experience if I asked him - however, you've already spoken to your guy and he's cool with it. So, haveatta!

[Angela01]

Update time.
I am now officially engaged to the man of my dreams!!!! I asked him to marry me and he said YES!!!! We are so very excited. Thanks to everyone for their input and advice. :-D

[lala]

CONGRATS! How did you do that?

[Angela01]

Thanks so much Lala. :-)
I wrote him a proposal poem explaining my feelings about him and our relationship. I emailed him my poem on my leap day and he read it on his leap day. I couldn't ask in person as right now he is back in the USA and I am in New Zealand. We talked on the phone after he read it and he said yes. He kinda had an idea of what I was going to email him because we have talked about marriage a few times. But he said he is over the moon and so am I. Not exactly traditional by any means but its our own cool story for future telling. :-D

[Engel]

Out of curiosity, if it's not the traditional "Will you marry me?", then what are you planning to do?

Are you planning to get married? Do you have a date/year when you want to get married?
If not, then I don't understand the deal about getting engaged. It's only changing the label, but it won't make your relationship more stable, committed or valid. I know that people have different views on that, but to me engagement isn't upgrading your relationship, it's the time to actively plan a wedding. I wouldn't want to get engaged without serious wedding plans. Serious as in more than "let's get married".

exactly my thoughts!


my SO and I got married almost one month ago (you ca click on my signature to read our story if you are interested), buuut, we had known we would get married begin of this year since middle of last year! he still wanted to make the official proposal, and so he did! but we knew we were going to get married! i, personally think in your case i would drop hints, but i would never be the one to ask the guy to marry me. i would never know if he really wanted or if he said yes out of sheer pressure or something

[digitalfever]

Thanks so much Lala. :-)
I wrote him a proposal poem explaining my feelings about him and our relationship. I emailed him my poem on my leap day and he read it on his leap day. I couldn't ask in person as right now he is back in the USA and I am in New Zealand. We talked on the phone after he read it and he said yes. He kinda had an idea of what I was going to email him because we have talked about marriage a few times. But he said he is over the moon and so am I. Not exactly traditional by any means but its our own cool story for future telling. :-D

Oh gosh. That's really a romantic proposal. It's awesome.