Does anyone else have issues with their SO's parents?

[jenniferjade]

Me and my SO have been through a lot, especially at the beginning of our relationship. His parents aren't very trusting and think that I'm going to somehow try and trap him. They have told him multiple times that he's too young to settle down with one person because he hasn't been involved with that many people. They even encouraged him to try and date other girls throughout our relationship! They are just extremely paranoid about everything, and even though they like me, they still don't trust me at all. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this.

It's important to my SO that I get along with his parents, but I find it so difficult. Every time we visit each other, they always have to have a say about how and when and how long the trip will be. I'm constantly having to do things their way, and I go with it because I want to see him. But they think that they are doing things my way and that they are making huge stretches in order to make me happy! It's just so ridiculous. Any ideas?!

[Deleted]

It must be really hard! I can't say I have troubles with his parents...they do not know me in person but I've been in family moments through webcam (it must be so strange for them :P), they kind of like me, specially his mother, who is really glad to have his son so in love.

But he used to have plenty of troubles with my mother. She was all against him because he studies arts and there's this stereotype of the artist who must beg in the streets for money. She also says artists are promt to cheating on their partners. He is also an economic class slightly lower than mine, and not precisely the stereotype of beauty (he's handsome for me though). Then being away was just the last thing for her to be against him, she told me to date other guys too and I just hated it.

Eventually during his visit mom got to know him better and she no longer thinks all of this, she appreciates him a lot now and trusts him....but in the beginning it was really hard!

[kiara_silver]

Family is very hard and tricky. So far I haven't met my SO's family. I will be in a few months. ( And im so nervous!) I've only had quick webcam hello's and 2 phone calls, things like that. I don't know if they like me, but I don't think they dislike me.
But my SO has met mine. And there judgemental, and paranoid, and at times rude. It's not that they dislike him, they just have there issues with him and us. That he'll steal me away and they'll never see me, or that ii dont have my own thoughts and will do whatever he says. My dad may just not like him though, but that might have to do with the whole hes taking my daughter away yadda yadda. And as much as my family drives me insane, or puts me and my relationship down or makes me cry..... there still family and i do love them, even if i dont at some moments. And it means a lot that my SO still is always respectful and tries with them. So as hard as it might be, i think still being on your best behaviour and reaching out to them is the way to go. Because you may not get a long with them, but familys always there. Doesn't mean you should take crap from them, i just mean if there going to be in your SO's life there going to be in yours and its probably best to not have a war.

[Katelyn]

I love my SO's father and girlfriend. They are so lovely and thoughtful. Except once when the girlfriend told me I couldn't go on vacation with them after my SO's father just invited me. It was kinda awkward since I was sitting right there lol. The only thing that bothers me is that they don't take our relationship as seriously as they do with his older brother & gf who are like 25 (we are 19/20)...but I guess in time they will realize we very much love each other and it is not just puppy love.

My SO's mother is nice usually. It took her a while to get use to me. She seemed to be very "he is my baby boy and I don't want anyone to go near him" at first. Now sometimes she just makes comments on how she wishes her son dated brunettes and blah blah blah...but I just let it go.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

My SO has issues with his parents. I have a few too.
On the whole, his dad is pretty laid back and chilled, friendly, kind, honest... a lot of the things I see and love in my SO. He's a bit of a back-burner parent though. SO's dad tends to take a step back and let SO's mum do all the conflict, which is probably not too bad a thing. SO's mum likes to have the control, and I think an extra parent in their arguments might actually complicate things rather than help.
SO's mum is reallllly tough going. She's one of those people who you can never fully figure out, because they seem to have more than one personality. SO thinks his mum is a touch bi-polar, and I wouldn't disagree.
SO's mum can be very very sweet, calling me her "other daughter" and the "fourth *SO'slastname* child". She can also be really awesome, she chats to me about stuff, sometimes tells me things that are bothering her, it feels like sometimes we're very close - we watched the royal wedding together, I'd had work all day, and it was on during the evening (Australia time) and we split a bottle of wine and actually had a pretty fun evening.
Other times, SO's mum can be a bit manipulative. She'd treat me a bit like a child sometimes, I know I'm young, but considering how she treated me at other times, e.g., wine, chatting, etc, it's a bit of a mindf**k. SO would get angry at some of the things she would say to me, because we all knew I couldn't say no or disagree without causing unecessary conflict, which we really didn't need (SO's relationship with his mum is already strained).
So yeah, it's rocky, it's tough. What makes it more difficult is that my parents and SO's parents are best friends from way back when they all lived together. My parents are pretty cool parents, but because of the situation, I can't really talk to them about it, because it would mean disclosing information about the inner workings and family issues of my SO's family... and as much as I know my parents wouldn't say anything and would listen... it feels disloyal. As much as I have issues with my SO's mum, I wouldn't betray the things she's told me (and my SO has elaborated on) to her friends.

[Zapookie]

My SO has met my mother - he stayed with me for his trip and I live with my mother. She liked him at first. He's a very respectful person. She is just very apprehensive about him because he's half-black and my mother is stuck in the 50's/60's mindset. She also thinks that because he's my first love that we will break up eventually and always tells me this. There also was a lot of tension between my SO and I vs. my mother when she found out that we had sex - I am her only daughter and she always treats me like a child and it's annoying as hell. She learned to accept it, even though she didn't like what had happened. Hopefully she'll learn to accept that he makes me very happy and that we're not going our separate ways any time soon (or ever, if I could control things).

I've met my SO's mother and sister over skype but I haven't visited his town so I've yet to meet them in person.

[princessmeg1328]

I've met my fiance's entire family, including aunts and uncles. When we were just boyfriend/girlfriend, I loved his parents. They were always so nice to me. They immediately made me feel as if I were part of the family. However once we got engaged, things seemed to change. His dad actually caused us to have our first big fight which almost caused us to break up. We were planning on getting married this past January. His parents gave him no support whatsoever, and his dad actually told him that he had to get a prenup before he married me! As you probably guessed, we're not married now. It's still a sore subject for us.

[ushiwakafox]

There have been irritants from both of our families. My distant family and even my parents from time to time would mention that we're too young to be so serious and I should enjoy dating and just say little comments that aren't exactly rude or anything but it showed that they didn't think it would last. That stopped on its own. After about the third year everyone just shut up.
His parents are definitely extremely welcoming to me and consider me part of the family. However, they can be quite obnoxious, rude, and have a very childish mindset. There's always going to be things that are irritating especially when with parents. Just ignore it, especially if it doesn't cause too much tension with you and your SO. Don't create a problem that will go away on its own.

[CKJS]

Oh my goodness. I don't think he dad cares that I exsist. But his mom does not like me. We haven't met in person yet and if she doesn't talk to me he won't be able to come here. We both live at home so do need some approval -__- lol. Anyways he has been talking to my mom to make her more comfortable with him coming here for a week or so. I tried to talk to his mom and she got mad. She ended up telling her friends and they all told i'm probably crazy or a killer. But the thing is I've offered to make her videos, skype with her, message her, send her letters in the mail! My mom even said she would talk to her. Plus, his mom knows who I am. She has kind of talked to me on xbox live and his 10 year old little brother talks to me on xbox and likes me. So I do not know what to do. I would do anything I could to make her like me but she won't even give me a chance. It's upsetting. I'm 19 and I'll be 20 when he's supposed to come, and he's 20 but will be 21 then. So we aren't little kids. Rarg! I wish parents were more understanding. It sounds like what's going on you is VERY hard to deal with. What does he usually say when they try to get him to date other girls? They need to be understanding and let him makes his own choices. But who am I to talk? lol. I wish you the very best of luck with everything!

[jenniferjade]

Thanks guys! Sounds like I'm not the only one with these issues. His parents can be really nice and sweet at times and when they do say mean things, they say them to my boyfriend and not me. I think it might be because they got together later in life and so they think 23 is too young to be serious about someone since they weren't.

[Bethypoo]

No you aren't the only one. Where to begin with how I have issues with his parents! And I haven't even met them!

My SOs parents. or as i like to call egg and sperm donors, really by choice aren't in my SOs life. They both find it more important to be with their respective others that they forget that they have a child. And yes, my SO is 24, however, you will always need your parents or whatever parent figure you may have. It drives me nuts. He will call them and they wont call back for weeks and in his mothers case, months! It irritates me so much. I actually have recently reached out to his mom to tell her to pull it together because her son needs her.

Anyway, I think that all of our SOs want us to get along with out parents as we want them to get along with ours. But it is hard sometimes. It really is. I am a firm believer in saying your peace though. Right now, his mom emails me, and I am nice but I do let her know that she is failing at helping Chris. But I say it in the nicest ways possible. But when I meet her in person, and the first time it gets brought up, let me tell you, I WILL be saying what I think. The same goes for his dad.

Just try and ignore the things they say about you trapping him. If you both are fine then thats what matters and maybe once they know you better they wont be so concerned. But just be open with them to and let them know that you have no intentions of trapping or hurting their son.

[rixue]

I haven't met his parents yet >.< I will be meeting them in two weeks and I am nervous. He says there is nothing to worry about but I still worry xD He gets along with my parents pretty well so far! I am hoping it will be the same with me and his parents.

[lademoiselle]

My SO has a few issues with his parents (don't we all), but they were very kind to me - all of his relatives I met were really welcoming. He hasn't met my parents yet; he's eager to so I don't tell him this, but in a way I wish he never had to. I can foresee some problems