The most frustrating part of my relationship

[magician13134]

Believe it or not, it's not the distance. That definitely feeds into the issue, but there's something else that drives me crazy and I've never really had anyone besides my SO to tell about it, but I figured I'd share.

For as long as I can remember, I haven't been able to recognize faces. When I was younger, I just thought it was normal and that I just had to work hard at it and everything would get better. A few years ago, though, I read about something called prosopagnosia, or "face blindness" and I realized that there are other people out there with the exact same issue. I've spent the majority of my life fighting with it, learning to recognize people mostly by their hair, mannerisms and context and I've gotten pretty good at that. Normally, I'm able to recognize my girlfriend by what I previously mentioned, but there have been a few instances where it's caused some problems. I remember getting off the airplane once, wondering through baggage claim and I walked past her three times, looking right at her, but not able to recognize her in that situation until she literally grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me. Another time she uploaded a picture to Facebook with her arms wrapped around another guy, which I thought was a little strange so I asked her about it and she said "That's not me" (it was a picture of two of her friends). There have been a handful of other times when I haven't recognized her, but for the most part, that's not really a big deal.

The real issue is this; when I close my eyes and try to picture her, I have no idea what she looks like. I have everything that I can describe objectively, six feet tall, long thick brown hair, green eyes, but I can't see any of it. Once I stared at a picture of her for almost two hours hoping I could somehow force the image to stay in my brain, but the instant I looked away... It was gone.

I'm ok with my life having many, many awkward moments when someone talks to me and I don't have a clue who they are. I'm ok walking up to strangers thinking that they're someone I know. But I'm not ok without being able to see my girlfriend's face, it's really hard. As far as I know, there's nothing I can do about it, but I just thought I'd share and let other people know a little about me.

[ushiwakafox]

I can understand how frustrating that has to be. I don't think I have face blindness, but I do have issues with recognizing people also. I mean I can pick my SO out of a crowd, but when I close my eyes and try to picture him, I draw a blank also. I just know he has black hair, brown skin, brown eyes, and a distinct nose. Which, where I'm at, covers about 87% of the population lol.
It does suck to not be able to see your SOs face when you try to think about her, but that's what pictures are for. My SO keeps a picture of me in his wallet, maybe you could do the same thing and that way you'll always be able to see her face even when you can't remember. Does your SO know about this? Hopefully she does because it would probably explain a lot if she didn't know. Also the incident you mentioned at the airport won't happen again. It's scary knowing you can't remember what the person you're looking for looks like and you find yourself aimlessly walking around. Make sure she understands that she's in charge of finding you.

[Zephii]

Thank you for sharing
That must be a bit maddening! I can see how that would make life pretty damn hard sometimes. But you know what? I think it's a bit cute too. It takes the focus off physicalness, imo. You know what she looks like on the inside - and that's the part that counts!
I'd be buying her some distinctive sunglasses or a necklace or something to help pick her out of a crowd But that's just me.

Again, thank you I never knew there was a name for this "face blindness" and any day I learn something knew is a good day.

[yayagrl]

Wow that's pretty interesting. I've never heard of this before. Thanks for sharing

[Katelyn]

This is so interesting. Thanks for sharing! I'm sure she will be very accepting of what is going on if you haven't talked to her already about it. It sounds like it could be a pain in the butt, but I do like the idea of buying her some distinct jewelry or shirt...it would be a cute idea to prevent any more airport incidents. Even though I am not sure if that would help?

[magician13134]

Thanks for the support and suggestions, everyone. Yes, she and I have talked about it and she knows how frustrating it is for me. (We are usually able to laugh about it in less important situations though. Like during movies, I'll need to ask her who the character on the screen is every so often) After the first incident at the airport, she always made sure to find me, but thankfully we're within driving distance now so we don't have to fly anymore. She's not really much of a jewelry wearer, but I like the idea. Maybe I'll look into getting her something special for that purpose. Also, I'm not sure why I haven't put a picture of her in my wallet yet, I'll be sure to do that later today.

[jenniferjade]

Oh my God. That would be so terrible for anyone, and I'm sorry that you have to live with that. As long as she is understanding about it though, I wouldn't let it bother you too much. It isn't your fault, and the fact that you so badly want to recognize her should help with some of those problems. If something like that happens again, and you don't notice her until she comes up to you, just let her know how hard it is for you and how hard you try to remember her face. She will understand.

I can't imagine not being able to remember what my boyfriend looks like. It would be extremely difficult for both of us. How long have you guys been in an LDR? If you have been in one for awhile, then kudos to you. Not only do you have to deal with all the normal, frustrating things that come with a long distance relationship, you also have an even more frustrating problem when you're together. All I can say is just keep trying to remember her face the best you can. Maybe try to find someone else who has the same issue and ask if they do anything that helps them. I'm sure you have tried to find a way to fix it, but don't stop trying!

[magician13134]

Thanks Jennifer, we've been dating a little over three years and have spent two and a half apart.

[rixue]

Oh wow! I remember watching a show that mentioned prosopagnosia! It showed how a mom worked on recognizing her kids by giving them a distinct piece of clothing, shoes, or jewelry. So those suggestions might help you out a bit! That does sound like it would be frustrating not being able to picture your SO when you tried D: I like the idea of having her picture in your wallet that ushiwakafox suggested! Thanks for sharing your story!