How soon is too soon?

[Meme]

Hello,

I am new to this site and new to an LDR. I have only been talking to my SO for 4 days now and it seems unreal. He says all the right things and he is happy to learn about me and ask me questions. We have only talked on the phone briefly (30 mins) the rest of the time we IM. He lives in Miami but is Alabama right now. He will be leaving to go to Africa on a job for two weeks and says that he wants to come see me when he gets back. I have mixed emotions about this. I am nervous but excited at the same time. He seem almost too good to be true and I do not want anything to go wrong. What is the over all opinion about when to meet someone?

Thanks in advance for your answers,
Megan in Georgia

[rixue]

You should meet someone when you are both comfortable with it, otherwise that could lead to some awkward situations. Maybe you can talk to him over Skype so you can actually see him? I know that made me a lot more comfortable before I met me SO (not to mention it is a lot of fun)!

For the first meeting I do suggest having him maybe rent a hotel , which will give you some space from one another after your first day is done. This would give you alone time to think about how your first visit went, if you both clicked like you do talking online (I have heard of people being able to click online and not able to have any chemistry in person). Plus that would make it a lot less awkward if your first meeting didn't go so well and he wouldn't be stuck staying with you for a certain amount of days until he left. But if things do go well he could always stay at your place a few nights in.

The first time I met my SO I had a flood of emotions where I was excited, nervous...pretty much every kind of emotion you could think of. I had been talking with my SO for about a year before we started our relationship and met 4 weeks after that. I was comfortable with who he was and knew I would be comfortable being around him in person. He ended up renting a hotel for the first visit (mostly because my parents didn't want a "stranger" staying in their house). My parents let him stay at my after three days of getting to know him, so he cancelled the rest of his hotel reservations for that trip. Now every time he visits he stays with me.

One of my friends met her SO from an online dating site (although he was local to where she lives). They only talked for a few days and then ended up meeting in person about a week later and really hit it off! After only a few dates they made their relationship official. In a sense time really depends on the couple. Everyone will have their different opinion on what is considered too fast or soon in a relationship. You have to do what seems right for you!

Sounds like he is very interested in you if he wants to meet so soon! I hope everything works out for the best!

[CKJS]

I think everything is kind of a personal choice. What works best for you! Have you seen him on on video? That could help make things more comfortable for you.
I think you should meet when both of you are ready but I do suggest meeting in public and maybe bringing a friend. It's just always better to be safe If you aren't ready to meet tell him you would like to get to know him better. I haven't met my SO yet (I hope to soon) lol. But I did meet a guy online once. He was very close distance, I had known him for many months online. we were not dating but when we met he said it was a date(like I had no choice in that?). We had only IMed and talked on the phone for maybe 3 mintues. Never video chatted or anything like that. When we met it was so horribly awkward. He made a joke about killing me and putting me in his drunk and I was just freaked out haha. But for the most part we didn't talk. and when I tried, how are you? hows work? what are your weekend plans? it was kind of just like fine, fine, I don't know. But still he blamed me for it being awkward and we never spoke again. So it's pretty important to be comfortable with the guy and possibly get to know him as much as you can. I think that one was just more creepy, rude, and awkward than most. But I couldn't tell that from IM's very well. So maybe try to talk on the phone more? But like I said whatever works best for you!!! It's great you've found this guy you really like and i'm very happy for you!
I wish you both the best of luck!

[jenniferjade]

I think you should talk to him as much as possible before the time comes. Try to use Skype, texting, IMing, anything to help you communicate. I talked on the phone and texted my SO for a couple months before we actually met in person and became a couple. It helped us tremendously, because we already knew so much about each other by the time we met. I really think you need to talk to him more on the phone, because it's much more real and you get to hear his voice and hear his reactions to the things you say, versus just having him IM his answer to you.

Just do the little things. Ask him to send you pictures of him in Africa, or call him when he's busy and leave him a voicemail. He could do the same for you. Me and my SO played games over the phone in order to get to know each other. We would each take turns asking each other questions, and so on. Try and get to know more about him before you agree to a meet. And even if you do all this, and you still aren't comfortable, then simply tell him you aren't ready and suggest more Skype time, etc.

Good luck!