Things you can't do in your LDR that other LDRs can

[kittyo9]

A thread to help us appreciate some things and vent about others.

What are some things you can't do in your LDR that other LDRs can?

For us, because we live in very different countries (like, developed vs. developing), he can't buy the same things I can most of the time (one exception we found was Kraft Mac & Cheese). We also can't talk on the phone or text. He can't even visit me because he can't get a visa, which also, of course, means no surprise visits, and my parents don't want me to go there, so we haven't been able to see each other at all. I can't see him on Skype because he doesn't have a webcam, but thank god for the mic he indefinitely borrowed from his friend. My mom can't talk to his and his mom can't talk to mine because they don't speak any common languages. He can't buy me things and send them to me because he doesn't have much money.

[jenniferjade]

Man, I feel spoiled now! Me and my SO can do all of that, and sometimes it still isn't enough! We text, talk on the phone, and use Skype a lot. We send each other packages and letters and emails. We basically can communicate in every way that technology allows. The one thing we can't do though is visit each other as often as we would like to. I have a job, and not a very well-paying one, so when I take time off of work, I don't always have the vacation time accumulated for it. Therefore, no money.

He's unemployed right now, but has very controlling parents. Meaning, since he was just here for two weeks, I will probably have to be the one to visit him for the rest of the year because they won't allow him to leave home that often. They have sheltered him so much, and since he still lives under their roof while he's job searching, they pay for his car and his phone. So, I'm sure if I tried to get him to come here again this year, they would threaten to cut his minutes or something. It's crazy! But compared to your LDR, mine seems easy and maybe I shouldn't complain!

[Brieasaurus]

We can't visit each other as much as other couples do. We're lucky to get once or twice a year. Money and time just never seem to work out in our favor. I am grateful for the fact that we get to talk and see each other on skype everyday, and that we can get visits in although they're rare. Also that I can't have a relationship with his parents because they don't like me very much. Well, his mom does, but not his dad. That's really it though.

[baileyellaine]

He can't send me flowers or gifts because money is tight. I send him letters and packages on occasion, though.

[floridaellen]

We can't Skype because my SO doesn't have internet. It's a small thing since we can call and text but I'm often jealous of those who can!

[11MikesGirl21]

Send things. Being a broke college student and just a broke person isn't conducive to really anything.
Because of his car he hasn't been able to surprise me with a visit while I'm at school.
The interent I work with on campus doesn't work well with Skype. when he was living at home his internet didn't like it either. He did just move in with my grandparents though, so it may work now, but that may get awkward. lol

[carolynred]

Gosh I'm very thankful for all that I have now. I guess I wish I had more time to talk with him on the phone or Skype. My college has everything but some decent internet, so Skype never works. Plus, my roommate makes a big deal when him and I talk on the phone, so often its hard to get a time where we can talk and she won't get mad at me at the same time. Very thankful we can see each other almost once every month or two months.

[lucybelle]

A thread to help us appreciate some things and vent about others.

What are some things you can't do in your LDR that other LDRs can?

For us, because we live in very different countries (like, developed vs. developing), he can't buy the same things I can most of the time (one exception we found was Kraft Mac & Cheese). We also can't talk on the phone or text. He can't even visit me because he can't get a visa, which also, of course, means no surprise visits. I can't see him on Skype because he doesn't have a webcam, but thank god for the mic he indefinitely borrowed from his friend. My mom can't talk to his and his mom can't talk to mine because they don't speak any common languages. He can't buy me things and send them to me because he doesn't have much money.

I like you, kitty09, but I don't like this thread. It's like a competition on whose relationship is the hardest. We all have complications. No one "wins".

[Killtrend]

We can't blame our problems on not dating enough people in real life.

A lot of LDRs here seem to be first relationships, or first serious ones. We both know what we want/need in a partner emotionall, sexually, financially and so on. We are more critical of each other. More demanding of "excellence" if you will. It's a good thing tho. No more fluff relationships.

But we have it easy otherwise. I'm 25 with two jobs and my own place (roommates with a best friend) and she is 24 with an ok job and a great, supportive family at her back. We arent rich, but we are a decent savings plan away from multiple trips a year. Bothof us live in the same country, 800 miles apart with more history (12 years of best friendship)than I have with almost anyone even in real life.

I guess I'm pretty lucky. <3

[kittyo9]

I like you, kitty09, but I don't like this thread. It's like a competition on whose relationship is the hardest. We all have complications. No one "wins".

I hope it's clear that that isn't the intent, but rather to express our own complications, as no one has the same exact conditions, and perhaps to glean a little appreciation for some other things while we're at it.

I understand your view entirely, but I think it is still a fair topic.

[Sora1101]

I don't get gifts or letters from my SO, I was so jealous of my friend when she started a LDR and was always sending and receiving packages, she even said "oh so this is how you can handle a LDR you just get gifts from him all the time!" I had to be like uh no, I've never gotten anything from him. We also don't get as many visits as others do, I am very thankful for what I have though.

[goalie_girl34]

We cant visit each other as often as we'd like because neither of us has the money. We also cant skype because he has a phone only, no computer. Because of him being a professional athlete and me being a student we cant be that spontaneous because we have to plan things out in advance.

[Deleted]

WOW. I really appreaciate much more what I have and I even feel spoiled...like, way too spoiled.

I guess all we can't do is to have frequent visits. By "frequent" I mean every month or so, since I have friends at school who are in LDRs and they can all see their SO's once a month or every two months, I can every six or five if I'm lucky. Although compared to some people here in LFAD it's normal or even good! Visits are had because of our school shedules and money. We can't work because of time school consumes and my parents are very protective and are a big obstacle when it comes to me travelling.

[efish1042]

I don't think there's much we can't do that is bothersome. We can't buy each other nice things and we dont have time to make each other nice things either, but that's not really a problem for us. It just is. We also have SOOO many issues with Skype; ie webcam problems, internet problems, microphone problems, time... but we get by just fine without it and we still use it every now and then.

I feel pretty spoiled as far as my relationship goes, actually. There isn't too much we can't do and not much that really bothers me.

[Moon]

I wish we could have visits that lasted 6 or 8 weeks like students can, we are limited to two weeks max at a time, sometimes one. I'd like a longer visit to test out how we'd be once we're past our better behavior I think it would help in making the decision about closing the distance in the future, and make it less scary when the time comes. Otherwise, I'm pretty satisfied, and every relationship is different, with it's own dynamic, and mine makes me happy.