He is talking to his ex...

[OLT]

deleted

[Malaga]

I agree it's definitely not a nice feeling but this also doesn't have to mean he's playing you. Maybe he just wanted to avoid the drama he feared would arise if he told you about the ex. You said you had problems last year, what were they about? What was the odd behavior that made you snoop?

If he thought you were going to overreact, it could be the reason why he withheld this from you. It's not the right thing to do but people often react that way to avoid drama.

Don't come all out on him in full force. It could all be a big misunderstanding, so you don't want to go crazy on him, unless he outright lies to you. Start a casual conversation about past relationships, and ask him as relaxed as possible, if he still talks to his ex. If he comes clean, maybe he was just afraid to tell you earlier in case you might freak out. If he lies to you, then that's something to worry about.

As for him keeping his options open, look at other aspects of your relationship. Are there more red flags? Do you feel like his priority? Is he available to you, emotionally as well as in terms of sharing his time? Does he make you feel important? Did he introduce you to friends and family? Does he make future plans with you? Is this the first 'lie' you caught him in? Whenever something dodgy is going on, chances are there are more red flags than one.

[Engel]

This scenario has happened to me more often than not.

if this keep happening to you, maybe you are going after the wrong guys. i know it isn't something none does on purpose, but if this became a partern, maybe you should consider counseling. specially if you felt the need to snoop around, that is a sign something is missing on the relationship

[chef.rae]

I would try and bring it up as casually as possible. I agree also with everything that everyone has said. This could be a pattern forming for either of you. Or you may alsobe misunderstanding everything. Really you won't know until you talk to him about it.

[Deleted]

I suggest you bring it up cassually, but not as if you have been looking through his e-mail but perhaps as if you suddenly becaue curious about it. This happened to me too, my SO's ex still talks to him and they had a terrible relationship. It was also and LDR and she cheated on him...three times, and they broke up when she finally said she liked the other guy better. For many months not a word was exchanged between my SO and her but she suddenly began to communicate again...first once every several months, then once a month, and this year even every couple of weeks. This girl is a bitch and she says she still loves him, although she has a boyfriend herself (the guy she used to cheat on my SO when they were in a relationship). My SO has several times talked to her seriously on how he would never go back with her. As I said I have no proof that he has really told her so, but since I have friends in common with him, they've told me that it is true and that he would never cheat on me.

Once I got pretty upset because ha had stopped telling me about these conversations with his ex, and when I asked him why he did say it was because he thought there was no need to make me worry or make a drama if there was nothing going on between them. I guess what made me upset was the fact that we were chatting on skype and at the same time he was replying to his ex via facebook, it really hurt me. I tortured him for two days or three because I felt horrible about it, I was being very cold to him. It was not really on purpose but I am very obvious unfortunately, my "upset mode" is bitterly sarcastic. We were about to go to sleep when he stopped me and said he did feel something was going on with me and he believed it was his fault...so I explained him then and he even apologized.

It really hurt a lot having to be this cold to him and the doubts I had were just horrible. I asked everywhere around my friends who are in contact with him and they all told me that he talked to them about how annoyed he was about his ex hitting on him. I knew he was not playing on me but having to hear it from others was still not enough. This is why I do encourage you to bring it up as soon as you can, and if he's honest, he will tell you the truth. Perhaps he'll hide a few details in order to avoid the drama. Try clearing out any doubts, because those are really painful. Do not let too much time pass because if you continue to be upset, your relationship could weaken. I really hope he's not really playing on you (the part when you say he hasn't said a word about you does worry me)... but you do have to bring it up and I suggest you do it soon, casually and appearing calm. Good luck

[Captivated]

This, too, happened to me. I found out my SO was casually still chatting with his ex whom he was also in a LDR (but she had moved in with him a for a while and destroyed him financially). I asked him if he'd told her about me. He said he hadn't. At this point we were already thinking of getting married. So needless to say, I was a upset and asked why he hadn't. He went on to say that though he had no feelings for her, he didn't want to hurt her. Which really just infuriated me.

So what I did was turned the tables on him. I asked him, "what would you do if I still spoke to my ex and never even mentioned you." He stayed quiet and finally understood my viewpoint. So he wrote her an offline message (as I was on the phone lol) telling her that he was in a serious relationship to someone who he was going to marry.

I don't know if they still chat - my intuition tells me no. But even if they did - at least she knows I exist.

[Bethypoo]

if this keep happening to you, maybe you are going after the wrong guys. i know it isn't something none does on purpose, but if this became a partern, maybe you should consider counseling. specially if you felt the need to snoop around, that is a sign something is missing on the relationship

Yea, I mean, you should mention it. Maybe just by saying, " hey, do you ever talk to any of your exs?" But then you have to be prepared if he lies and says no. I mean, if it is harmless then I wouldn't worry to much, but understandably I wouldn't be to excited about it at all.

But if you are feeling so paranoid, which unfortunately you seem like you are if you are checking his email, then maybe you should let him know that you are feeling insecure. The biggest thing about being in a relationship is COMMUNICATION. Obviously you guys are having some issues there.

Either way, just talk to him and let him know how you are feeling.