Difficult situation regarding trust/grudges ect. (LONG)

[Dennisb09]

Met my current gf (Andrea) in May of 2010
We decided to be FWB… During the summer we hung out a lot, watched movies, went out, and hooked up, we basically acted like a couple.
Once August came around she asked me to be her BF. I said yes.
Around the end of October 2010 we had an incident where she was texting a guy (Justin) a lot and flirting with him a lot. I brought it up, and nearly broke up with her over it. She cut off contact with him and as far as I know hasn’t spoken to him since
Things were great since then… but we had a small issue of her talking to her EX-Bf who she dated for about a year. She claimed they were only friends and still talked a lot… I was uncomfortable with them talking and she said she’d stop talking to him.

Come September 2011, we were now 6 hours apart due to school. I had told her that if we had another incident like with her Ex-Bf or Justin then I was done with her.
I go to visit her at school on a weekend. She had a soccer game that weekend, and my phone died… so while she was at the game, I would use her phone, and if we needed to contact each other then I could call one of the girls on her soccer team…

I ended up going through her phone/facebook…

On her facebook she was having an extremely flirty conversation with her Ex, saying that she missed him and in some ways talking crap about me… extremely disrespectful imo.

I broke up with her when she got back to her school from the game. I spent a good couple hours yelling at her in the lobby of a dorm and security eventually came. I left the next morning…

WE eventually got back together about a month later and have been together ever since…
And ever since that situation shes literally been the PERFECT girlfriend.

My dilemma: Its been 6-7months since this all this and at times (like today) I feel myself resenting her and feeling like I was played and made to look like a fool…
But in these last 6-7 months shes been an amazing GF, and her apology seemed sincere, yet I have trouble trusting her at times now…
and I always have to keep snide remarks to myself bc I realize it was my decision to get back together.

We get along great, shes my best friend and i love her, but at times I get mad thinking about everything that happened..
I’m trying my best to get over everything but im having a hard a time because I tend to hold onto grudges…




Can anyone give me any advice on my situation?

[jenniferjade]

Me and my SO had a similar situation like this. He got very angry at me for not telling about something that happened between me and another guy, but it was long before i dated him and we hadn't been going out long, so I didn't tell him about it right away. Anyway, once he found out, he was real upset and said he couldn't trust me, which is silly, because I wasn't even dating him and I didn't even know him. He was just mad because I didn't share it with him. He had trust issues for a long time after that and has finally, FINALLY, let it go.

However, your SO went behind your back while you were dating and talked to other men. That, I think, is very suspect. I think you need to talk to her about all of this. I know things have been good since it happened, but I think you need to ask her if she is really happy with you and your situation. Sometimes these things will happen and the other person will turn to someone else because they aren't really happy. I'm sure you have talked through it all before, but did you ask her how she felt? Did you ask her if she's having issues with you and being LD? Obviously, the problem belonged to her at first. And maybe it still does, and she is just trying to make you happy when she isn't happy herself. Regardless, the problem now lies with you. You and your trust issues.

Talk to her, ask her about her feelings, tell her to be completely honest with you, even if it hurts. If you don't like her answers, or for some reason, you don't think you will ever be able to get over it and move on, then I think you need to seriously contemplate letting go. Trust is everything and if you don't have it, your relationship is not going to work. You already have resentment and that resentment is just going to grow and fester until you can't take it anymore. Ultimately, after you talk to her and dissect everything, it's up to you. You can either let go of the grudge and be happy with her, or you can keep a two-handed grip on your trust issues and your relationship will suffer.

Good luck! Trust me, I know what it's like to be in the girl's shoes, and eventually your distrust of her is going to eat her alive.

[Rosalynn]

Time heals a lot. Trust will hopefully be restored as time goes on and she continues to prove to you that she is trustworthy. Don't stress about it too much right now. If you still want to be with her, re-evaluate in a few months and see if you're still not trusting her. Then make a decision.