Listening

[Thad]

My relationship with my SO is going well. I just got to spend a long weekend with her last weekend, and we both had a wonderful visit. But lately I'm noticing a problem cropping up that I'd like to nip in the bud. I was wondering if anybody has had (or has) a similar problem and suggestions for a solution.

We talk daily anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour or more, but lately I've been forgetting things that she is telling me. That's only part of the problem. Once I forget about things I continue to ask about them. That of course frustrates her to the point of usually telling something along the lines of "I already told you, if you don't remember, then i'm not telling you again." So clearly this is a frustrating thing for her, but its also bothering me because I thought that I listen and pay attention to what she tells me. Clearly, this is not the case.

Fore example, I just got of the phone with her now and she told me that she is packing and going out of town with a friend for the weekend. I have no idea when she told me that, but I know she did. There have been other things recently, and I can tell that if I don't do anything about this that it will snowball into a large potentially relationship damaging problem.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Similar stories?

[So_Far_Away]

All I can tell you is that my boyfriend forgets a lot of stuff that I tell him. He forgets the names of my friends, where I'm going and what I'm doing etc etc. It annoys and fustrates me and if we're both stressing out a bit, or if one of us is a lot then this will normally lead to an argument. But when I'm not angry or upset with him and am thinking about the things he forgets ... He never forgets the really really important bits. Like which exam I need a phone call beforehand to calm me down. I also realise that his life is relatively easy to remember as he does mostly the same things every day - my life changes at the drop of a hat. Plus, I'm used to keeping track of what 5 or 6 people are doing and when they're doing it; he isn't.

I don't really have any sugestions, but I thought that I would let you know that this has been going on in my relationship pretty much since it began - we're still going strong. Best of Luck.

[Insanity]

There is things you can do to improve memory, I'm sure if you look around online you'll find some info. Though I do think it's natural to forget some things, I know myself there is things I've asked my guy before and I've forgotten the answer, it doesn't mean I don't care or isn't important. My mind just hasn't processed it, I still get a little giddy talking to him so I think sometimes that clouds my mind lol.
Maybe just tell her this is the case, that you do care, you are interested and you believe you're listen but for some reason you keep forgetting things.
I feel pretty lucky my guy seems fairly patient with me and I try to be with him.

[kissoflife61]

First of all, congratulations on getting to visit the SO!
So, about the memory problems... It's not too hard to fix. I guess I have a few tips...
When she tells you something important, repeat it. Like, if she says, "I have a job interview tomorrow," you could say, "Oh, so you have a job interview tomorrow... Are you nervous?" It's been proven that verbally repeating things helps you to remember them. If that fails, you could always write the important things down. Also, I don't know if you are doing this or not, but don't think of what you will say next while she's talking. If you are thinking while she's talking, it's not likely that you will hear or remember what she said.
I hope these small tips help!

[Caitlin2009]

oh yeaaah I have ADD and with that comes poor memory so sometimes things Denise say i tend to forget but i will try not to, she understands this and its quick to remind me if i dont remember. Sometimes she has a bit of trouble remembering stuff as well but doesnt bother me to remind her

[Bluestars]

Is this a relatively new problem? The first thing that jumped to my mind is that it might be ADD. If might not be, but my boyfriend has it as well, and sometimes it is easy to get irritated over small little things like him forgetting stuff--which happens all of the time. I am just wondering if you have always been this way, but your girlfriend has just begun to get irritated about it. Sometimes that can happen.

Have you tried talking to her about this? If you tell her that you are trying your best to remember things, then she should not be as harsh on you since you cannot help it.

Hope you get it figured out!

[Swederica]

I haven't really had the exact same or as big of a problem as you have.
But sometimes i forget big stuff.
Like for example.
My SO said she will be going to Hawaii and that we'll have limited contact and all, she said that in January.
Still i forgot it and when she said it like a week ago i was in shock. I did not see that coming. But finally i remembered cloudy in my head that she did tell me.

My suggestion would be that you explain exactly how you feel and all that, i do that all the time with my SO.
Hopefully she'll understand and try to look past it.

[Zephii]

I'm not so sure if it'd be ADD, or anything like that, but sudden memory loss could be a health sign you'd like to discuss with your doctor, just to be sure it isn't linked to something bigger. It can go hand in hand with lots of stress or depression, and a bunch of other things. Probably nothing to panic over though.

Like Kiss said, repeating things helps remember them. There are also vitamin supplements on the market to improve memory. Focus could also be your problem. Mental focus is like a muscle you can train, look up some mediatation and visualisation techniques to work with

Other than that, Obi forgets stuff constantly too. It often makes me feel like he just doesn't care because things that are not that important or that I wouldn't expect him to remember he does. I tell him constantly to write it down!! Because I'd go away for a few days to visit my sister, and then he'd forget that I'd gone and wait online for me... things like that. So get yourself a dayplanner and write down what she's doing, possibly in a different colour to your own entries so you know they are hers. This is also good because when she does something important you'll "remember" and be able to ask how it went and such.