NEED ADVICE!! I don't think he is really into the relationship...

[NYlovesFL]

Maybe it's just me but, I am really getting the sense that my SO is not really into this LDR. Granted I really don't like dating 1,250 miles away but, I'm really trying here. He is pushing the idea of me moving down to him but, we just started this. We've known each other years ago but, we were out of contact for the last 9-10 years when he moved out of state. I have gone through alot with relationships in the past (inlcuding divorce and then a VERY hard relationship/brake up with my ex bf)
I don't want to RUSH into altering my life because if it doesn't work out then I'm screwed. All my family, friends, job and etc are in NY.
Do I love my SO, yes...i do and apart of me always has but, I wanted to get to know each other again. I see all of these great ideas you all are posting about, movie nights, "skype sleeping", and etc. I don't know how to bring these ideas up to him. I got him to join this site but, I doubt he is going to use it that much. I even try to get him to Skype when I have friends at the house hanging out so that he is at least somewhat there. I even said to him "i am relly excited you can chill with my friends and I tonight" he just said "ok" it kinda made me feel stupid for expressing my feelings of excitment about that. I am trying to go down to FL and visit but, everytime i bring it up he says "i bet once you are down here you are not going to want to leave."
Maybe its fear about getting hurt again but, I don't think he is really into this....he is quiet on the phone most of the time, the same conversation all the time, once in awhile a question may come up, int he beginning we would watch TV together but now its like he is letting it die off...I need advice!!!!!

[Bethypoo]

My SO didn't really care for any of the idea on here, even though i really wanted to try them and thought it would help us out. The ones he did agree to do would be absent minded. I took it personally. So just know, he he really doest want to do them, it isn't a for sure sign that things are going bad.

I think the best way to deal with all of the things that you posted about, is to talk to him about it head on. Just let him know that you are concerned with the way things have been going and that you love him, but aren't ready to make a move but also aren't ready to make a move because you are 100% sure he is in this.

Communication is the biggest part of any relationship but especially LDRs because you cant automatically know when something is going on. In LDRs a lot of the time you need to tell the person that something is up and you are unsure, confused, unhappy or even reminding someone that you ARE happy.

Good luck my dear!

[temporaryuser]

yep, communication is the key. You cant be degrading, and dont start with "we need to talk" - as that always puts someone on the defensive.
I really enjoy getting to know you b etter, I like this or that about our relationship, what do you like/dislike? Start off with some easy converstaion.

[digitalfever]

I don't think he's not into it. It seems he's not into the ideas that you've suggested. What about asking things that he'd like to do together. My SO and I don't do any of the things suggested here to be honest I find a lot of them corny and time consuming and I just don't see myself taking them seriously. Different strokes for different folks you know?

[NYlovesFL]

All we do is talk on the phone here and there. Once in awhile skype but there is alot of silence and nothing is said...

[Dauntedpoet]

My SO as well, has no interest in this site at all. I think the ideas are great, and have used some of them as reminders. When you've been in an LDR a long time and are looking for ways to keep things from getting stale and boring, reminders of other things to do are wonderful. I've been online with my SO for 14 years (10 as best friends), but I never make it an 'event', so there is no pressure, if he's not into it, we move on.

[princessmeg1328]

Some people just don't handle the distance well. It's not anybody's fault. It doesn't mean that anybody is less into the relationship. It sounds like, to me, that he just wants to have you around in person. Let him know how important he is to by sending him letters or emails or care packages if you can. When it comes to conversations, take a quiz together, talk about what you did that day, upcoming events. I know that my relationship hit a snag where we felt like we had nothing else to say. We started taking a quiz that was for couples. It had like 200 questions, and we would answer a few every time we talked. The quiz has since disappeared, but it was good for us. It got us talking again and learning more about each other. Talk to him about how you're feeling. That's the only way anything can be fixed. Good luck!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

To be honest, I see his side in the hanging out with your friends thing. I'd find it really really awkward if I was trying to spend time with my SO on Skype and he brought all his friends in to talk to me. That's probably why he wasn't totally enthusiastic. You should give him credit for at least giving it a go.
Give him a bit of time. Make some suggestions of things you can do together.
It does sound like things are cooling down, but that doesn't mean that things are dead.
I agree with what a lot of people are saying - talk to him about how you feel.
I do want to give you credit for your reserve in rushing into moving. You sound very rational and reasonable and I think it's great that you're not trying to push yourself into something you're not prepared for. That takes a lot of courage and strength.