His Prom?

[enemey96]

Okay, a bit of background information first!

We used to go to the same school, before I had to move, and at the end of June it's the leaver's prom. It's a really big thing and almost everyone goes. So I emailed my old head of house, and asked him if there was any chance that I could go to the prom, I know I'm not a student at the school but it's what I've always looked forward to, etc, etc. And he emailed me back saying that as it stands at the moment I wouldn't be possible because they have limited space and it will be hard for them to have space for all of the year 11's that are there now. When I got the email I got upset. But I emailed him back and asked that if the circumstances change and there was a chance that I could go, could he please let me know. And being a kind of nice guy, he said that of course he would let me know if anything changed. (Like a lot of people not wanting to go or them being able to fit more people, etc.)

I haven't told my boyfriend that I emailed my old school (his current school) because I wanted it to be a surprise for him, if I could not say anything, right up until the actual evening. And I would tell his mum, so they weren't all completely clueless! And then surprise him on the night by arriving at his house all dressed up and everything. But as it currently stands that won't be happening. But just in case it does, I don't really want him to ask anyone else to the prom, because then it could be really awkward when I turn up and he already has plans to go with another girl.

So should I ask him if he could not go with a girl, just in case it works out that I can go?
I wouldn't even think about asking him, except a few months back we were talking about it and he said that he would probably go with a girl. I like to think that he might have changed his mind, but I'm not 100% sure. Plus I know the girl who he would ask, and I really don't like her.
What should I do? Should I ask him just to go with his friends or let him go with another girl (which would result in me being extremely jealous that she gets to spend the best night in secondary school with my boyfriend)?

Thank you for your help in advance

[CynicalQuixotic]

Just to clarify: your SO's prom is only open to students of the school? People can't bring dates from other places? That's so strange. I'm from the US, and you can bring whoever you want as a date to prom, but maybe that's the way it goes in Britain.

I would have a conversation with him and ask him straight if he had planned on taking another girl and let him know your feelings on the matter. If it was an "oh, this girl is a good friend and she has nobody to go with" kind of situation, I would probably grudgingly be all right with it. However, I think you have every right to be upset and disappointed about this situation--I would be gutted too. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

[floridaellen]

Just to clarify: your SO's prom is only open to students of the school? People can't bring dates from other places? That's so strange. I'm from the US, and you can bring whoever you want as a date to prom, but maybe that's the way it goes in Britain.

I would have a conversation with him and ask him straight if he had planned on taking another girl and let him know your feelings on the matter. If it was an "oh, this girl is a good friend and she has nobody to go with" kind of situation, I would probably grudgingly be all right with it. However, I think you have every right to be upset and disappointed about this situation--I would be gutted too. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

I'm from the US and we weren't allowed to bring dates from other schools to our prom. We weren't even allowed to bring people from our school who graduated more than a year before the prom, which created issues for some people with older SOs. My So didn't go to my school so I just went to his school's prom instead and I haven't regretted it yet! His prom was also cheaper and more fun!

I completely agree with the above advice.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Does he have to go with another girl? Can't he go with some of his mates, in a group or something? I'm guessing if you're talking in terms of years, you're possibly British? I'm from the UK, and although my y11 ball was a while ago, it wasn't really a big thing for us to take dates, to be honest. Most kids just went with a group of mates. In fact, the minority of people WENT with dates, let alone stayed with them all evening.
I don't know, it just seems weird to be in a relationship with someone and the to take someone else to a prom...

[Katelyn]

Even though you want to make it a surprise (which don't get me wrong I think is an awesome idea) maybe it would be better off to tell him about your plan. I guess you could suggest just going with friends and keep tabs on what he has decided.Or maybe get his mum to persuade him to just go with buddies. I think mums are good at that kinda thing =) But, I think if you really want to go with him and this is something you really want to share with him then maybe you should tell him about your plans or at least hint at it. Then, in the end you won't be upset if you are allowed to go and he already has a date or things don't go the way you wanted them to! But, good luck! I hope it works out for you!

[enemey96]

So I talked to him about it, and it turns out he was/is planning on taking another girl. Which hurt hearing him say, to be honest. I really didn't think he would even think about it :/

Yeah, at my old school/my SO's current school it is very few people who don't take dates.

The worst thing of all is that he was/is planning on going with this one girl who he knows that I really don't like (we had problems in the past).

I also told him that I'd emailed my old head of house to ask if I could go to the prom and he didn't even say anything, as if he didn't really care whether I got to go or not :/

So overall not the best of responses!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

So I talked to him about it, and it turns out he was/is planning on taking another girl. Which hurt hearing him say, to be honest. I really didn't think he would even think about it :/

Yeah, at my old school/my SO's current school it is very few people who don't take dates.

The worst thing of all is that he was/is planning on going with this one girl who he knows that I really don't like (we had problems in the past).

I also told him that I'd emailed my old head of house to ask if I could go to the prom and he didn't even say anything, as if he didn't really care whether I got to go or not :/

So overall not the best of responses!

This is not cool.

Would he be comfortable you bringing a different guy to a party, as your "date"?

I don't think it should matter what other people are doing - you should be doing what's best for the person you love, not what everyone else is. It just makes it a million times worse that he's taking someone you don't get on with. Yeah, I get that guys and girls can be friends without there being anything else, but I always think things like prom and dances etc are pretty intimite, and encourage you to behave as a couple - even if you're not. I wouldn't be comfortable with my SO doing this, and I wouldn't be comfortable doing this.

Also, he should be jumping at the chance to spend a nice evening with his beautiful girlfriend.

Wow, he's so in the metaphorical dog house.