I think i should end it.? =/

[Joshmiller]

Okay so a lot of you may have read my post last week about everything that was on my mind.
So as I said in that post I am working, she is not. She is looking but can’t find a job. (I do understand it takes time) So today I got news from my job that I have an Opportunity to travel to FL for some new training at the main company location. It just so happens that She lives in FL, about an hour and a half from where I would be going. So when I got this news all I could think was how great this is not only for my job, but because I would only be an hour and a half away from the person I love with all my heart. I felt almost as if this happened for a reason, That this was like my gift, of not only a great job opportunity but to finally see her. Which is what is very important to me, I love her.

So when I got home and it was time for our phone call I told her about this and she said she was so excited for me. That’s great I love the support. But when I bring up the fact that I would only be an hour and a half away from her and we could finally get that first meet out of the way she didn’t seem to even want to. She got all Emotional on me and just said she didn’t know. I’m at a loss here. I was so excited (not about the job opportunity but the fact that I would or thought I would finally get to hug the person I love and want to spend the rest of my life with). She said she would have to think about it and let me know. This makes me go “wtf” I mean really. She says she wants to meet me and that she wants to be with me. But now that we finally can meet and possible start our life’s together she acts like this. I love her. With all my heart. And I don’t want to give up on us but I just can’t understand this and I have no clue what to even do.

I love her, I really do. And I want to be with her. But no matter how bad the nerves are for us to be together this meet has to happen. If not right now soon. Because I just can’t keep waiting for this to happen. I’ve been patient for a year now and would still be, I just can justify not meeting if I’m that close to her. And I really don’t understand why she doesn’t feel the same.

Thoughts please?

[digitalfever]

Have you seen a photo of her? Webcam?

[Joshmiller]

Yes, I seen a photo of her. Just one. So i was worried about that. But we do talk on the phone all the time so i know shes not a dude. I am worried that the pic could of been fake and she could be ugly as sin, but the only problem i would of had with that is becasue she lied about who she was. I am one of the guys that think looks don't matter. I care about the person on the inside. But i would not be able to get over the fact that she lied about who she was. I really don't think that's the case here. I hope not anyway.

[Joshmiller]

I should add that she did lose her Mother about 3 months ago.She is very Emotional over it and I understand this 100%. and she tells me i'm the only way she has gotten past it. So i have not been pushy about meeting or anything. But i feel with a gift like this (Free stay and travle to her town) that we need to jump on this. I really love this girl, but i just don't know what to do. Maybe i should give it more time. Sometimes the loss of a loved one kills the person inside of us. I'm not trying to sound like a jerk but i feel like we need to see each other.

[digitalfever]

Yes, I seen a photo of her. Just one. So i was worried about that. But we do talk on the phone all the time so i know shes not a dude. I am worried that the pic could of been fake and she could be ugly as sin, but the only problem i would of had with that is becasue she lied about who she was. I am one of the guys that think looks don't matter. I care about the person on the inside. But i would not be able to get over the fact that she lied about who she was. I really don't think that's the case here. I hope not anyway.

I think you should step back from this relationship. As her actions are contradicting what she's saying. I'm not saying cut her off but take her actions as a predictor of what may be to come.

I should add that she did lose her Mother about 3 months ago.She is very Emotional over it and I understand this 100%. and she tells me i'm the only way she has gotten past it. So i have not been pushy about meeting or anything. But i feel with a gift like this (Free stay and travle to her town) that we need to jump on this. I really love this girl, but i just don't know what to do. Maybe i should give it more time. Sometimes the loss of a loved one kills the person inside of us. I'm not trying to sound like a jerk but i feel like we need to see each other.

If you were the reason she got passed it wouldn't she want to be around you? I think your creating excuses for her.

[Moon]

There's something wrong if you've been together a year and she doesn't want to meet, that's just not normal. Honestly, it feels like she's hiding something and I think I'd insist on meeting as soon as possible or the relationship would have to end Sorry about that.

If you've browsed around the forum, you'll see that in normal, honest, open relationships, we cannot wait to see each other. It's kinda what we all live for almost I really think if she refuses to meet, there's not much of a reason to keep this going. You need to ask yourself how much time you're willing to waste waiting around for what might never happen. Good luck.

[Kristin91]

I would give her a little longer to think things through. It's one thing to know you want something (to meet your SO) but it's quite another to do so, and it can be quite nerve wracking. I'm sure she'll come around, and if she doesn't then maybe you both need to do some serious thinking about this relationship :/

[Joshmiller]

Thanks to both of you.
I do feel like im making an Excuse for her. I just don't want to be pushy and say look, were meeting or im done. Altho that's how im feeling. I want to be understanding to how shes feeling. So i'm going to put my best foot forward and try to talk about this with her and let her know how i fee.
I understand that right now im over 12 hours away. Still in the US but far away. But when the chance to come be so close to her and not know if we can meet up i just don't get it. Its hard to think that the person i have spend 5-8 hours talking to everyday for a year is hiding something. I don't want to believe it but maybe i should look at the facts. I have never felt that she is not telling the truth but i guess some people may be really good at it. It all just seems like to much.

---------- Post added at 12:58 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:56 AM ----------

I would give her a little longer to think things through. It's one thing to know you want something (to meet your SO) but it's quite another to do so, and it can be quite nerve wracking. I'm sure she'll come around, and if she doesn't then maybe you both need to do some serious thinking about this relationship :/

I thought this is what we both wanted. It's all i've been able to think about for the last 6-7 months. She has been the same way, or says so anyway. The nerve's are high tho. For me too. But at some point we have to over come them and meet. We both talk about me moving there but now that the chance is real she just seems so distant about it. I hope it all turns out well.

[Moon]

Thanks to both of you.
I do feel like im making an Excuse for her. I just don't want to be pushy and say look, were meeting or im done. Altho that's how im feeling. I want to be understanding to how shes feeling. So i'm going to put my best foot forward and try to talk about this with her and let her know how i fee.
I understand that right now im over 12 hours away. Still in the US but far away. But when the chance to come be so close to her and not know if we can meet up i just don't get it. Its hard to think that the person i have spend 5-8 hours talking to everyday for a year is hiding something. I don't want to believe it but maybe i should look at the facts. I have never felt that she is not telling the truth but i guess some people may be really good at it. It all just seems like to much.

This might sound strange, but maybe she didn't mean to be deceitful (If that's the case) for so long. For example, she's a really big girl, though it didn't show in that one pic she sent. She had every intention of finally losing the weight because now she has incentive, but time slips by quickly, and it just didn't happen. She meant to, and now she's stuck. That is JUST an example, btw, I'm totally making it up. It's not right, of course, but sometimes you can get yourself in the middle of something and can't get out.

There really is no logical reason, unless she's hiding something. After a year, you aren't pushing, but with this situation, you probably should be. Yep, meetings can be nerve wracking, but they are necessary, otherwise, what's the point? Now that you have the opportunity, you need to stand up for yourself a little, OK? I think you need to insist on this one, otherwise you'll never know what's really going on and it'll degrade your trust and the foundation of your whole relationship.

[Zapookie]

I feel like the only reason she wouldn't want to meet, is if she's hiding something. In fact, that's usually the only reason why most people online either seem put off or hesitant about meeting. Heck if my SO had told me that he was moving an hour away before we had met in person, I'd be over the moon.

[Joshmiller]

Thanks for all the help everyone. I'm going to give it a few days, see what she says then go from there. I don't want to blow it because she is just nervous so going to make sure i let her think about it and have some time to get over the nerves before i say this needs to happen. I will keep you all posted and let you know what ends up going on.
Feel free to keep posting, Makes me feel better to read what everyone says. And again, thanks for all the help

[Tooki]

It seems really suss to me. It seems absurd that she is so excited for you to be able to do training in Florida but then immediately gets defensive once you hint at meeting up.

I would talk to her about this. She has to be hiding something.

[goalie_girl34]

Whole situation sounds fishy to me. She should be jumping at the chance to meet her boyfriend of a year. Then when you mentioned the one picture thing that threw up huge red flags. She is either hiding who she is or she's trying to hide her appearance. Before we met I sent my SO dozens of pictures and videos. We webcammed a few times. Something doesnt sound right about this. But you do need to push the issue and see if this is right or wrong.

[Kerry]

sounds to me- for some reason- she's hiding something from you. you've been together for a year and given the opportunity she doesn't want to meet you?? something is going on here- red flag!! she says she wants to be with you yet doesn't want to meet. could she be married already? does her picture not match what she looks like? did she lie to you about something major?

[SquishyLove]

I'm going to mirror others that something doesn't seem right and she is likely hiding something from you. :-/