Hero Worship

[LeilaniJoi]

Prompted by the friends of your SO thread and not exactly LDR as we live together but hoping someone has some input.

My SO has this friend that has been friend since junior high. He has always been nice to me but.... it seems he is just a little too fixated on my SO. At first glance you would say he is closet homosexual but after getting to know him i don't think that is the case. I think that at 28 years old he has this weird hero Worship thing going on and that isn't a bad thing but it gets to the point that he tries to mimic my SO on everything.

If my SO buys a new car, next thing you know he has something similar. Boots, phones, you name it. If we plan concert he find s a way to get a ticket and bum a ride. I wouldn't care so much if he had a girlfriend but it is always him as a 3rd wheel.

This guy is a little social backwards, has no girlfriends though he had pursued plenty of Dan's ex's in the past. ( Not going to happen here * shudder*) and I'm just not sure how to break some of this tie. He is very loyal and has been a good friend but is just .... weird. I would never go to saying they can't be friends but jeez.... to buy some thing special for my guy and then have him show up in something almost identical is just...weird.

Thoughts? There is a concert coming up that i really want to go to but i know if he flings out he will find some way to tag along...ugh...help?

[Malaga]

If your boyfriend doesn't feel uncomfortable with this kind of friendship, I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it. If he's tagging along so often, you can ask your boyfriend to make some of the dates just for the two of you. But as for their friendship being the way it is, as annoying as this may be, I think you're just going to have to take it as it is. Same as his friends have to accept you or leave, no matter if they genuinely like you or not.

[lademoiselle]

I agree with Malaga; it's up to your SO to decide whether he can accept the way his friend behaves or not. Regarding the situation itself, my view is (and I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh...) that some people are rather devoid of originality and copying others is all they seem to know how to do. I can understand why you would be uncomfortable with the way things are - I would be too. If I were in your SO's position and I realised I had a friend like this, I'd slowly begin to distance myself from him or her because I regard individuality very highly. However, while it's true that there isn't anything you can do here in terms of making up your SO's mind on the matter, I think you have every right to assert when you want to be alone with him. If you'd like to go to the concert, just the two of you, you don't have to explain yourselves to this friend or anyone else. As an adult the friend should have enough sensitivity to understand that sometimes it isn't appropriate to "tag along", after all, you're not in high school anymore!

[LeilaniJoi]

I tried a couple of times to answer this from my phone and the replies were eaten. By the forum gods lol I would never try to keep them from being friends, they have been friends for far too long and he is a good friend....one of the only "friends" that was there when his grandmother passed for example. But... it is tough when this is the friend that was so excited about him being "single" before he knew we were serious and even now consistently bringing up the exes whenever the opportunity presents itself. The last time this happened my SO chewed him out pretty good about it but still...it wasn't. Something I wanted to hear or know and yet he kept on and on and on about it as we both were saying dude, just shutup!

I dont know...in principle I like the guy even tho he is a major 28 year old dork lol would love to find him a girlfriend to occupy his time but alas, if you knew him you would understand why it is pretty much hopeless lol

I guess that I will just get the tickets and not say anything until the day before so he doesnt have time to horn in on it. Beyond that I may have to wrestle him down one of these days and explain the facts of life to him...sadly.

[Dauntedpoet]

I guess that I will just get the tickets and not say anything until the day before so he doesnt have time to horn in on it.

This is what I was gonna suggest as well. That and just planning a few more surprise things for just the two of you occasionally.. might give you space.

[dglynn77]

Beyond that I may have to wrestle him down one of these days and explain the facts of life to him...sadly.

Best of luck with that!!! lol