Jealousy of Others

[Sierra]

This isn't something I would normally write about and I'm not sure it belongs here but that's ok. I also know I'm going to probably say some things I don't really mean but I hope you guys understand how I'm feeling.

Everyone I know is getting married. Including the people that I could ever imagine getting married in their life. And I'm insanely jealous. Generally speaking I'm proud of holding out on marriage for as long as I have and making sure I am absolutely with the right person ... but coming from an all girls catty high school, I can't help but wondering what they are saying about me behind my back.

Part of it is insecurity. My relationship aside I wonder am I not good enough for marriage? Not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Too much of a hassle? I know I'm not, my boyfriend and I talk about marriage all the time, but everyone getting married but me just makes me feel so worthless and stuck.

Most of all, my boyfriend is my best friend, but I don't feel like this is something I can talk to him about because I'm worried he'll misinterpret it as me wanting to get married right now. It's like do I want to? Not really - but at the same time I do ... but for the wrong reasons.

I know my boyfriend and I are on the right path, and of course I don't know if we'll actually be getting married, and I won't know that until it's my wedding day, but damn it, I want a ring on my finger.

I feel left in the dust.

[snow_girl]

If you are worried about what catty girls are saying behind your back, you are hanging around the wrong people. Everyone goes through life at different speeds. You just aren't at the marrying stage yet, nothing wrong with that but don't look down at other people who are there (regardless of if you think they are ready or not or if you think they should) What does that accomplish? Focus on your own life not on everyone else's

[Moon]

Sierra, come on, I know you know better than that Marriage has to be right, and you guys haven't closed the distance yet. I know it feels like everyone is moving ahead when you're stuck, but that's really not the case at all. You're doing this the right way, you don't wanna end up divorced and alone later. Don't bother your guy with this, even if he is your best friend, there are just some subjects better left alone There's no way he could look at this without bias, y'know? Give yourself some time limit in your heard (6 months? a year?) of living together before you bring it up, and instead of being jealous, think about what you do have and how happy and secure it makes you feel. If it's right, it'll happen, and you'll know it's for the right reasons then. When it does finally happen, then everybody can be jealous of you!

[Sierra]

No the worst part of this ALL, these aren't even people I talk to (except maybe two of them). I AM happy for them, I just wish it was me.

I don't (usually) look down on the people for their choice to get married unless I think they are way too young or it happened too fast, this comes from working in Family Law and handling divorces day in and day out. We all do go through life at different paces, I just don't want to be the cat hoarder at the end of the block.

Mostly, I shouldn't even feel any competition with these people, I would never choose who they have as my partner. I'm happy with my boyfriend and I love him dearly and I DO know that is all that matters at the end of the day. But these jealous feelings are crazy.

ETA: I DO know better. I DO! That's the crazy thing. For three days I've been like, get over it, get over it, get over it, but I can't. And this isn't something I would bring up to the boyfriend. Ever.

[Moon]

No the worst part of this ALL, these aren't even people I talk to (except maybe two of them). I AM happy for them, I just wish it was me.

I don't (usually) look down on the people for their choice to get married unless I think they are way too young or it happened too fast, this comes from working in Family Law and handling divorces day in and day out. We all do go through life at different paces, I just don't want to be the cat hoarder at the end of the block.

Mostly, I shouldn't even feel any competition with these people, I would never choose who they have as my partner. I'm happy with my boyfriend and I love him dearly and I DO know that is all that matters at the end of the day. But these jealous feelings are crazy.

ETA: I DO know better. I DO! That's the crazy thing. For three days I've been like, get over it, get over it, get over it, but I can't. And this isn't something I would bring up to the boyfriend. Ever.

Do you even like cats?
I think you sound pretty normal to be honest. Look at all the wedding/engagement threads around here, plenty from people who haven't even met yet. I think you've got what every girl in her twenties with a boyfriend gets, yours might be intense atm, it'll pass, really. Just wait it out and try not to make yourself nuts over it. And post here, it's better when you can vent about it somewhere!

[Malaga]

I understand how you feel. I often feel torn apart like that. I'm at an age when I'd really like to settle down and start building a family. Not kids right away, but building a home and an everyday life with the man I love. And yes, I definitely want to get married within a certain time frame. And yes, most of the people around me who are my age have already done it. The irrational part of me wants it done like yesterday. But the rational part knows that if we did it too soon, we stand a greater risk of failing. Never mind him, I'm not ready yet, I know that, but that doesn't mean I don't long for it. I get jealous of people who have already done it in due time and without much trouble, who had it all on tracks.

There's no point in listing all the reasons why you have no reason to be jealous, you believe in them, yet you still want it and don't want it at the same time. Best I can tell you is that it'll pass after awhile, and you'll feel calmer.

[lala]

I know exactly how you feel I'm turning 24 this year and I see how many of my friends and the people I went and still goung to school/university are getting married and having children.. I'm not saying that I'm jealous,cause I'm happy for them! And I also don't want to have children now and I'm not ready to marry.. but I would just like to have a plan or I mean to know where my life goes. I would just like to know what's gonna happen in one year. if I'll be still together with my So and if he want to plan a future together..
I'm also afraid that one day I'll have my boring job in an town I don't like, living alone.. but I guess we can't do anything than wait and let time decide.. -.-

[lucybelle]

Oh I think it's a 20s/30s thing. It's a biology thing. Some people get hit harder than others. But if you're in your 20s/30s you SHOULD want to get married and reproduce. Millions of years of evolution is telling you to do so. I know deep down in my heart that I'm not ready for marriage. But that doesn't change the fact that when I look on facebook and see SHE'S engaged that it makes me jealous. I mean.. HER? The crazy one?

I totally get it. And I think the reason I want to get married most is because I'd be able to have a huge freaking party with all my friends. Silly, right?

But I get it. Try not to focus hard on other people.

[Rugger]

I've been getting this SO MUCH recently. One of my best friends got married in September and my roommate from college just got engaged. We went bridesmaid dress shopping on Friday. I want to get married so badly and have babies, but my SO and I aren't near ready for that step yet. It isn't that we aren't getting there, because we are. We just need to close the distance and get jobs. My body needs to stop with the baby fever. I seriously get depressed every time my period comes even though there is no way ( less than 1%) chance I'm pregnant. I hate it!!!!!

I know how hard it gets to have to look at the pictures of wedding rings and babies on face book. Do what I do, take them off your news feed so you don't have to look at them.

[blankita719]

Right there with you. My family actually makes it worse sometimes because they keep asking me when we are going to get married. We have the intention of doing so, but we won't until we close the distance and since that's open ended right now, then so is the whole marriage deal. But I get it. I'm slightly wedding obsessed right now. I sometimes feel like people may think the same things about me - like what is wrong with me that I'm 33 and haven't been married yet? I made the right decisions not to marry before and I know this relationship is different but it doesn't stop the jealousy over other friends who are engaged and having a baby.
You're not crazy. I know better too. But I'm allowing myself to indulge in my fantasies with the hope that it will happen when the time is right for us

[Sierra]

Do you even like cats?
I think you sound pretty normal to be honest. Look at all the wedding/engagement threads around here, plenty from people who haven't even met yet. I think you've got what every girl in her twenties with a boyfriend gets, yours might be intense atm, it'll pass, really. Just wait it out and try not to make yourself nuts over it. And post here, it's better when you can vent about it somewhere!

Not enough to own one! LMFAO but I watch too much animal hoarders that this has become a fear of mine.
I do think I just needed to vent and know I'm not the only one. Thank you

Oh I think it's a 20s/30s thing. It's a biology thing. Some people get hit harder than others. But if you're in your 20s/30s you SHOULD want to get married and reproduce. Millions of years of evolution is telling you to do so. I know deep down in my heart that I'm not ready for marriage. But that doesn't change the fact that when I look on facebook and see SHE'S engaged that it makes me jealous. I mean.. HER? The crazy one?

I totally get it. And I think the reason I want to get married most is because I'd be able to have a huge freaking party with all my friends. Silly, right?

But I get it. Try not to focus hard on other people.

THAT is exactly how I feel. HER?! SHE'S getting married?! All three people I know to be totally insane are engaged or married now? WHAT?!
And I do recognize biology has something to do with it. I want a family and I've found a partner I want it with. But at the end of the day, I also know I'm not ready for marriage. Maybe it means more to me than other people but it's just like my Facebook is saturated with everyone getting married.

I actually try to look at it as 'Well they'll be divorced in a few years' and sometimes I feel like I"m luckier than them, but sometimes it's a reminder of being alone. Even though I have a fantastic boyfriend, the distance and everything it just makes me feel more alone.

I try not to focus on it.

I've been getting this SO MUCH recently. One of my best friends got married in September and my roommate from college just got engaged. We went bridesmaid dress shopping on Friday. I want to get married so badly and have babies, but my SO and I aren't near ready for that step yet. It isn't that we aren't getting there, because we are. We just need to close the distance and get jobs. My body needs to stop with the baby fever. I seriously get depressed every time my period comes even though there is no way ( less than 1%) chance I'm pregnant. I hate it!!!!!

I know how hard it gets to have to look at the pictures of wedding rings and babies on face book. Do what I do, take them off your news feed so you don't have to look at them.

That is a great idea. And it is really hard.

Thank you guys, I kind of expected to be slammed in this thread but I needed a place to complain. Knowing that you guys share some of the same feelings and even being told I'm being silly which I know I am, really helps. All we can do is hold on, right?

We'll all have those futures worth envying in the future, hell some of us already do.
I love you all, really.

Blank: I missed your post I'm sorry. I do feel the same way as you that sometimes people wonder what's wrong with me. I feel like sometimes my mom's ashamed that I'm not married yet. But I don't think there's anything wrong with any of us.