I don't know if I should Continue???

[NYlovesFL]

Communication has been off between SO and myself. He recently started a new job after being unemployeed for awhile plus he is a single father. I understand that his time is limited but, mine isn't. I look forward to talking to him on his days off but, most of the time its just texting and he winds up falling asleep...ALL THE TIME and this is during the day. I don't know if its because he is just laying around the house and he has no friends where he lives to keep him occupied but, there is only an hour difference in time so its not like its early morning for him and late at night for me. We use to talk all the time and skype (granted he was unemployed) now its just here and there and when we do talk the conversation is dull or he isn't talking at all. Half the time I find myself saying to him "you're quiet".
I am trying to stick this out but, I feel like i am taking our relationship more seriously than he is. He says he loves me but, I am not sure if I feel the same way that much. I know it sounds horrible but, we haven't seen each other in years and for me to establish feelings I need to be around the person. Thats just how I am, I need to see how we interact together in person. Alot as changed for the both of us and I know we have become different people because of it. I even e-mailed him a list of questions to answer and send back. I figured since he had the day off from work and his son was at his mom's that he would answer and send them back...but, nothing. We were texting last night and all of a sudden he was quiet for hours...I said ok well i am just going to go to bed. He replied real quick and said he was putting his son down for bed and that i sounded mad. I was mad and hurt, he could have texted me and said hey let me just put my son to sleep and I will text you right back.
I have a big audition this week that he knows about and I really need him to be supportive but, I am not getting that from him. i am getting it more from my guy friends. He is suppose to be my bf and I hardly hear from him now and he knows I have been going through a lot. I just want him to be there for me more sine he obviously can't be here in person.
I feel bad because i sound selfish but, I am there for him everytime he feels like he is going to lose it when his son acts up. It feels more like a friendship than a relationship. I am use to aggressive guys (and not all in a bad way). He is just so quiet and reserved. I am use to the guys saying the sweet things and getting me to laugh and compliments that make me blush. He has actually said that its part of the game and he doesn't do that anymore but, thoes are the things that get me going..so to speak.
THe only time he actually opens up and talks more and is fun to talk to is when he calls me at a bar after he has had a drink or 2.
I am just a firm believer that if you say you love someone then back it up.
He said that since I can't afford to come down and see him he is going to wait till his probation period at work is over and come up. That's not until at least June...I am really excited but, now I don't know if this is even going to last by then.
Is it just me because i am use to having a boyfriend with me....that i can see, hold, kiss, go out places with, and etc.
Sorry for such a long post but, i had to get this out.

[Moon]

On one hand, if he was unemployed for a long amount of time, diving back into the workplace is a big change, and he might be exhausted until he's used to it again. I'd give him some adjustment time there. Plus being a single father ain't no picnic, ya know?

But....For adults who aren't students, NY to FL just isn't enough of a distance to not see each other for years and, at least to me, that would be unacceptable. Was there no possibility of, say, both of you driving to somewhere in the middle (NC maybe) for a weekend? It's a long drive, yeah, but there has to be some effort somewhere.

I can't answer your poll question, only you can. If you aren't happy, and have made it clear to him, then it is possible the relationship has run its course. If you feel you've put all the effort you can into it, and are getting nothing in return, then you've got to make a change somewhere. Hanging onto the thread of what once was, while being unhappy, isn't helping you or enriching your life in any way, and you've got to decide if the relationship is salvageable, or even worth the time trying to salvage.

I think, if you really can't decide, you need to get together and see how you feel then. Or at least have a really, really big discussion. Good luck.

[blankita719]

What Moon said.

I have to work in trips between Florida and New Hampshire. We both work full time and have full custody of our respective children. And my SO has a tendency to fall asleep early constantly, so I understand your frustration there. But he makes an effort to stay up on occasion to be there when I need to talk. So, without making it sound like an ultimatum, you have to communicate with him that you need more communication from him. Try and schedule time to talk. My SO and I don't talk every day. We text at least once a day but we only really talk on the phone 2, maybe 3 times a week in the evenings before he falls asleep on me We do make it a plan to have a TV date night, where we call each other and watch a tv show together. It's our time and we both know that's always planned. Maybe try to work something like that in?

But if you feel like your feelings are changing, then maybe it is time to let go. It isn't fair to either side to continue to hold on to something you don't feel any longer. You should still talk to him. Just lay it out - repeat yourself if you have to but make sure it is clear that things must change if you aren't happy.

[Bethypoo]

I think you really need to talk to him and let him know your concerns and where you stand.

He does have a lot going on, but as moon said, there isn't a huge reason for years to go by with out seeing one another. Relationships are give and take. I don't think that you are being selfish, I think you are expecting some reciprocation for your feelings and trying to make the relationship work.

As hard as it is, you may need to literally just tell him that he isnt giving you what you need emotionally. If he doesn't work with you on what you need (within reason) then maybe it is time to look in another direction. But until you have a straightforward serious conversation, then you cant really make that decision.

[NYlovesFL]

Thanks everyone for your advise.

I did send him a text yesterday laying everything out. Saying that I feel he is distant and doesn't seem to be into this relationship. I explained that i am doing everything I can from sends pics to him, e-mails, and etc. He never commented on my pics and still has not returned my e-mail. I also explained that He keeps falling asleep and that he is too quiet on the phone.
I guess the text woke him up. He called and he sounded upset. He is very sensitive and apparently the long text i sent him scared him...he was gettin the impression I was breaking up with him. We spoke about it and due to everything that is going on in our lives there is a lot of stress. I told him i understand what he is going through because i have been there and that if there are things going on then he needs to open up to me because i am here to support him. I also stated that i need the emotional support as well.

He told me that I am more important to him than i realize. So we are going to work on it. We will see what happens...