Fixing problems for the future

[kteire]

I'm just wanting some opinions on this, I have no idea what to do.
Have any of you come across things you know will be an issue further down the road? And do you try to work on them before the issues come up, or wait?

The reason I ask is that for the past few weeks I've had something bugging me. The last time I saw my SO, he made a comment about how he thinks we should always keep our finances separate. Like one joint bank account for common expenses (mortgage, bills, etc.) and have the bulk of our pay go into separate accounts. I have very much the opposite opinion, partly because while right now my SO and I make a similar amount of money, within a few years he'll be making a great deal more than me. I hate the idea of "his and hers" money when we'd be building a future together and have the same expenses... don't exactly want to be in debt to my SO if I can't afford something when he's making 5x what I am. And I don't want to end up resenting him or being frustrated over him having more financial freedom when I make a great deal less money if we get married. I don't really want to do that any time soon, not at least until I've paid off my student loans and we're getting married. But we are moving in together in a few months, and I feel like the issues will start then. I already have slight pride issues at not being able to make as much as him, so I'm sure that's playing a part haha.

It's really been bugging me, but my SO is more the sort of "cross that bridge when we come to it" mindset. I'm not, and I don't know if I should let it go for now or try and come to a resolution. It's an issue that I feel very strongly about, and I'm not sure how much I'm willing to compromise. My parents always had separate finances, and it was a major source of friction with them, so I guess that's where it comes from!

Any opinions on any of this?? Should I bring it up with him soon or just let it lie until it's more of an immediate issue?

[rixue]

My SO actually brought this up last time he was here. He said he wouldn't mind having a joint bank account if/when we get married, but the only thing he wouldn't attach my name to would be a credit card. He liked the idea of not having separate bank accounts since we would just be putting money in together for stuff anyways.

don't exactly want to be in debt to my SO if I can't afford something when he's making 5x what I am. And I don't want to end up resenting him or being frustrated over him having more financial freedom when I make a great deal less money if we get married.

Did he say he wanted separate accounts until you got married or would this be a permanent arrangement? Sharing a bank account before you are married is a step up in the relationship in my opinion. One reason I think people are hesitant on sharing an account beforehand is if something goes wrong in the relationship (breakup or whatever), what happens to the money? But when you are married I don't see any reason not to share an account.

You could bring it up now and see if it is something you two can compromise on. Did you explain to him how you felt about the situation when he brought it up? There are pros and cons to sharing a bank account and having split accounts, so you two could go over those together and decide what would be best. I think it would be best to work this out now instead of waiting, since what happens if you can't come to a compromise when it is time to make the decision? This will give you both more time to think about it. I'm not an expert in this department but I hope this helps you out!

[lucybelle]

I think it's a good idea to have separate accounts until you get married. And even then I like the idea. I don't think it's something that is a real big deal right now. People change. What I thought was a good idea a year ago, doesn't make any sense anymore. I wouldn't freak out too much.

[Sierra]

Coming from someone who works in family law, it's a really good idea to keep your finances separate and have one common account to which each party contributes equally towards common bills such as rent, electricity, food (assuming you're living together).

I think you should cross this bridge when you get there.

[DemonxOisin]

He wants kids, and I hate the little buggers -.-Thankfully, thatīs not for a LONG time yet (at least he doesnīt want to be a young daddy!)
In regards to your problem, I agree with Lucybelle. Things can change so much over time. And itīs not a good idea to merge your bank accounts ANYWAYS until you are well settled in marriage, I donīt think. So give it time, be patient, because itīs quite probable that you will both reach a happy medium together with time.

[Soyokaze]

I think at first it's best to have separate accounts, that way in the event of a split or something you would be fine. If it really bothers you then talk to him about it, talking is the only way to work anything out. I would just cross the bridge when you get there since there's no real emergency and there's no reason either of you can't change your mind later on.

[Jassy_love]

Lol that's the same thing my bf said ... about this bank account for bills & the others separate for private expenses ... and I think he makes more than me because I don't have a job LOL but it's okay because it'll b years till we live together. GED and then college and then living together. Nothing ever comes out as planned though -______-
Anywho I wish you and that problem luck!

[digitalfever]

Then wouldn't paying a percentage of the bills based on your income amounts work best for your situation?

[Bethypoo]

I agree with Lucybelle.

I mean, I think that you finances should be separate... until you are married. After that things should be shared. I mean, the only time he should be hiding $$ from you is if he is buying you something that is a surprise. But that is about it.

But until marriage is a topic of conversation, I wouldn't worry to much

[kteire]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I know sometimes I get worked up too far in advance, and it probably won't be as big an issue when it comes time to figure that out. I definitely don't want to combine finances until we're married, so not for a few years. Having thought on it more, I don't think my SO would be unwilling to compromise. We do have to have a joint bank account once we move in together for visa purposes (proof of common law and all!) so I guess we can start thinking longterm about that when we're talking longterm!!