Need Advice! ( Kinda Long )

[Misz.EricaMarie]

OK. So i have asked many of my friends about this and had conversations with them about it but i think i need some views from clear minds :P

My boyfriend and i have been together for over a year (May 8th) this isn't his first LDR but it is my first real & serious one. We have been through A LOT as a couple and have overcome a lot, I am a very emotional person and as I'm sure most of you know in a long distance relationship it's mainly on emotions. I can be insecure and jealous at time and he does his best to make me feel safe and loved in this relationship. We have never met, we met on a social networking site and have been dating through IM's, texting, and lots and lots of phone time. Throughout this year we have both been students. He recently started working and i got excited hoping that this will mean a meet can be put in the works. We have talked about meeting before but it's usually general conversation as far as things we want to do when we can be together & how things will be. But for some reason he never talks about the plans of making it happen. He doesn't mention saving up any money or when he would like it to happen. He talks about buying this or buying that, spending money on things that I don't feel are as important as solidifying our relationship. I feel like i wont actually no for sure if all of our feelings are real 100% until we can touch and be face to face. I've mentioned to him before that this is a serious thing for me and i can't go on forever feeling like I'm in a relationship that may never seem real. He says that isn't it at all and mentions "trying" to save only after i ask about it. He doesn't willingly talk about getting me up there or him coming here unless i bring it up first. Is this a sign? Or maybe am i being to analytical and letting my emotions get carried away? I am in love with him, and he handles my shortcomings better than anyone I've dated in the past, he swears that he never wants to be without me and i feel like i can see a real future with him, i just don't know what to do about meeting. I have 2 children and at the moment i can't get a job until i have a babysitter and once i start making money i need to establish a home for me and my children so in a way i really shouldn't be letting it get to me so much when i can't even contribute to the meeting myself... I guess it just comes down to I'm not entirely sure that he really wants us to meet or if he is just happy having it like this? I know he is all about me because he makes sure to make every free second he has devoted to texting me or calling me, it's not as if he blows me off EVER or even goes out often with friends or anything. Anyone have any advice on this?

[Swederica]

First of all i got to say how surprised i am to find people that are in ways similar to myself.
I'm being too analythical myself and i'm very sensitive.

Now for your problem.
As i'm very young i can't really understand your situation.
I think you should just get it out in the open.
Like not wondering about those mysterious answers but put him up against the wall and let him answer Yes or No.
Seems rough and i would have a superhard time myself doing that.
I can understand your frustration. Maybe he just don't understand how much harder this may be for you, then for him?

To give example from my relationship. I'm unemployed at the moment and got like ALL time in the world to just sit and miss my SO.
She on the other side is busy all day. School, practices after school and then homework. And when all that is over she talks to me.
So as i'm like working my ass off to make her all different nice things and gestures for her, to show to her how much she means to me, she's not really giving much back.
And i just have to accept that she's superbusy, and i don't want to pressure her anymore.
Sorry if i got out of topic there. But i just thought it resembles a bit to your problem.

[Misz.EricaMarie]

Thank you for the help :P I have asked him about it several times & i don't want to keep sounding like a broken record, but i think i will just let him know all of my thoughts and fears about the topic. Usually i just beat around the bush asking if he's sure he wants to see me and things like that but maybe if he knows the extent of all my thinking then it will change things a bit.

As far as your s/o being busy often i know that feeling. I am a stay at home mother who goes to college online so i am home most of the time and aside from taking care of my kids and keeping the house clean i have lots of time on my hands to miss my boyfriend. On the other hand he keeps pretty busy, work, school, family things, friends so we have experienced a lot of times where i feel like he doesn't care as much as i do because of it. We have learned to overcome all of this and i realized in the end that if i COULD i would be out working and with family and friends as well. I want him to live his life as best as he can and he is very good with making sure he gives me enough time and attention and making me feel very loved.

[Swederica]

You're welcome.
I'm just saying what i would do. We have a very open relationship, in things we talk about, and we both know we always can talk to the other one about ANYTHING, and that is very nice.
So good luck. I wish for the best.

Yeah it really sucks.
I'm doing my best to keep myself busy, but most of the work i can do is braindead and like automatic and i can still wander of with my thoughts.
But yeah. This fall all will end for me atleast.
Again, i wish you the best of luck!

[Insanity]

I know exactly how you feel, I'm desperate to meet my guy, I have massive trust issues so I need to meet him to feel comfortable in our relationship but he says he's not ready too meet. I'm the kind of person who feels like they have to make things happen, you can't sit around waiting for it to happen or the right time because there never is one. It frustrates me a lot, I'd do anything to meet him even if it was only for a week. So I know how you feel, I wish I had some advice but I don't have a clue how to deal with the situation myself. I think you'll just have to be straight with him about your concerns, I hope that helps

[Misz.EricaMarie]

That's exactly what part of my problem is, i have a lot of trust issues & although i do trust him to a point ( or i wouldn't be with him at all ) I feel like i need to see the look in his eyes when he looks at me to feel as though everything he's ever said has merit. Well i wish you and your boyfriend the best && i hope you get to meet soon! <3

[Swederica]

You've been together for over 9 months and he's not ready?
That sounds a bit weird to me.
But i hope he'll get ready asap and that you meet and spend the eternity together

[Insanity]

Misz.EricaMarie I know exactly how you feel, it's like you're holding off getting too close (well trying not to but I find sometime I do and then I get angry at myself) because it's too hard to believe the situation is real.

I'm starting to lose all hope in the relationship even working, he's been absent and I feel like I'm trying so hard to make things work and he isn't. I'm just waiting for him to come online again, I have no idea at all when that'll be (we've spoken online once in 2 weeks) so I can have a frank talk to him about our problems... we're on the brink of breaking up in my mind.

[alise120]

Guys, I feel the same way too! Its been 9 months since me and my bf been in a "committed-relationship" and we still haven't met in person yet. He said that he was going to come this summer but I feel like he isn't going to make it anytime soon. He is going to be busy this whole summer since his new job is very demanding (He works as a landscaper and commutes back and forth to school. Very stressful for him, I know). I know how you feel Misz.EricaMarie and how the distance gets to you. That's how I feel too.

Sometimes I get very insecure since he goes out more and has errands to do while I'm mostly at home just sitting around wondering what he might be doing behind my back. I get very paranoid about it seeings that he is older and can do a lot more then me (He is turning 21 tomorrow while I'm turning 17 this Nov. Basically he is 5 years older then me). I know I'm young but I've been depressed for 5-6 years about a lot of things including passed relationships in the pass (I'm still healing from its side-affects though). When he came along, he erased all of the bad memories and opened my heart up again.

I try to do things to keep my mind busy but he just seems to slip back in my mind especially when I have nothing to do. Yesterday we talked on the phone and almost got in an argument. Apparently we both had a bad day and we needed someone to talk to. I flipped out on him first saying he didn't want to spend time with me and that he didn't want to talk anymore. He then got angry at me saying that he does want to spend time with me but he has work in the way that takes most of his time. After our rant to each other, we both cooled down saying sorry to each other and saying I love you nonstop.

I felt bad and so did he seeing that we both can't be there for each other to give at least a hug. That's why I try to lightly stress the issue to him. He said he'll try to make it as best as he can but there won't be any guarantees. At least he was honest about that, you know. I guess I don't have a clear answer for you either Misz.EricaMarie. Just hang in there and he will come around soon before you know it. Best of wishes and good luck.

[Misz.EricaMarie]

alise120, LOL you and your boyfriend sound almost exactly like me and mine! We both let our emotions get the best of at times and have terrible arguments, but once we finally cool down it's lovelovelove.. Ive explained it to people before by saying that we fight hard, and we love hard.. we don't do anything halfheartedly! && i must say i think we have had that exact same argument before. Sometimes it's hard to think "hey he might just be super busy lately & yes would like to talk to me as much as he can and every free second but it's just not working out that way for him" It's easier to feel like we're left out in left field all alone. I find that sometimes texting friends or getting on here/fb/myspace whatever will distract me when he's busy that way i don't over analyze what he might be doing or if he's even thinking of me. Thank you for the wishes, i guess i will just have to keep pushing on. I love him so much &+ as much as i like to think that i would be strong enough to end it, if i felt it may never become real.. i don't think that's the case. He has my heart & is such a big part of my life that i can't imagine not having him in it.

[agentholli]

OMG! I had this huge long reply typed out and then my computer went funny..

Ok I was saying WOW! I can't believe that there are other people that are feeling and going through the same thing that I am! It is awesome that other people know what i feel.

I also haven't met Mark. we have been offical for 6 months, but we have known each other for a year and 9 months. I am sooooooooooo ready to meet. He says he is also. But things keep getting in our way. It is finanical reasons...he has a big medical bill lurking over him, and he will probably have to sell his car, but he has another one, and things like this keep coming up. He was suppose to be here in Janurary, that didn't happen, then we talked about meeting in March, that didn't happen. Then we talked about actually him being here this weekend....that didn't happen..and we had a BIG arguement about it. It was our first one arguement. Anyway, i am so frustrated with this whole not meeting thing.

I also have 2 children. and its hard for me to get money, but if he asked...i would. I don't understand why it is so hard for them to commit to meeting. It seems there are other boys out there that are like this. It must be a guy thing. I feel like I am a broken record when I talk to him about it also. He says that I am not, and that if I didn't talk about it, he would be worried that I didn't want it. I also have trust issues and it was hard for me at first to "believe" that he acutally feels what he says..and we had many of talks about this also, and that is resolved for me, but you really just need to talk to him about it. If you sound like a broken record to him, does that really matter? he needs to know that you want it BAD and that you will do what it takes..if that means sounding like a broken record.

The one thing that I have always said throughout the whole time of knowing Mark is that when the time is right...we will meet. Do you guys know the David Archeulta song "To Be With You"??? OMG it is the BEST song to what we are going through right now. I think as women we are more emotional and more touchy feely and more need that in person reaction, and men don't. They just need to know that you will be there when they need you to be. Our relationship consists of phone calls and emails. We never talk on the computer. I sometimes will get on webcam for him, so he can see me, but he doesn't have one ( I bought him one for Valentines day, but he still hasn't gotten it, he doesn't want me sending it to him..blah!) but its mostly phone calls and texts...I have had my phone since August, and I have 850 HOURS of talk time..mostly all to him...i know him deeply. I am so inlove with this man...

You really have to focus on the good things, if you focus on not being able to meet him and stuff, you will get depressed and then you will start to despise him and think that you don't want the relationship..trust me, I say these tings because I have done them. It is not a fun place to be. I was married for almost 10 years...and honestly i can say...i NEVER felt this way with my ex-husband. Mark and I are so compatible..i truely belive he is my soul mate. It is my destiny to be with Mark. It is easy for me to see a future with him and to see how happy we will be. If i have to wait a year or so before we can be together in person, and him living here and being married...then so be it. It is just a little speed bump in my life. There is no way I would give up what I have with Mark, because he couldn't gather enough money to come, when we wanted it to happen.

I truely belive that this is my destiny, like I said before...and everything will happen when its suppose to. I always hold on to...when the time is right, it will happen. When I am at the end of my restless road...And when he is standing next to me, I will know that God has answered all my prayers...Just to be with him. Waiting is really going to make it just that much more awesome...and it will be amazing!!!!!!!

I hope you get to meet soon. It sounds like we have a lot in common! From your signature, i see your kids are younger then mine. but we do have a lot in common.

[Misz.EricaMarie]

wow. agentholli, you honestly just made me tear up a little. What you said...it touched me &+ it made me see that real love has no boundaries.. I do wanna see &+ meet him, and my feelings are still the same but, if i dwell on it, it's only going to cause problems that are unnecessary. and if it's truly meant to be like i feel it is, then it will happen and i need to have faith in that.:/ even if it's hard. Thank you very much.. at the end of the day it still hurts to not be with him, but i know that someday when we make it.. it will be worth it..

I've never heard that song, but OMG new favoriteeeeeee <3333 : ) Thanks!

[agentholli]

Oh ya... I am NOT saying in anyway shape or form that it is easy..its the HARDEST thing I have EVER done. But in the end, its worth it