All my plans are slipping away from me...

[Rosebud]

So I genuinly thought this was something I could handle on my own, but less than 30 minutes after saying good night to my bf after having not really spoken in almost 2 weeks I all but burst into tears. So I guess I was wrong. So I'm going to try to make this as short as possible so as not to be confusing.

At the end of the summer will be our one year anniversary together. We've never met and for this occassion I wanted to fly over to see him. Starting tomorrow he's leaving for an internship at Disneyworld where he will be even further away from me, literally at the opposite end of the country. But I've been saving for awhile and I'm determined to make this trip, and my older cousin and her husband have agreed to go along with me as they're one of the few people in my family that know about this relationship.

However, lately, it just doesn't seem so certain anymore that it's going to happen. For one, it's looking more and more likely I will be attending a private university this fall which I had not previously planned, and thus moving away from home. It is going to be very expensive. Yes there is student aid, yes there will be loans, but I don't know 100% if that will be able to cover all of the costs and I may have to pay out of my own pocket (and as a part-time cashier, it's not exactly as though I'm rolling in the dough). And I worry that all my earnings I've saved for this trip will now all go towards school instead.

On top of that is the matter of timing. I had hoped to go as near the end of August as possible. This is for two reasons. One, so it would be closer to our actual anniversary, and two, so I wouldn't have to request any time off from work and instead I would just quit a week in advance to my moving away. The issue with this though is he knows his family wants to take some time to visit him in summer as well, he just doesn't know *when* this will be, and as they do not know about me, it's not as though I can plan my week for the same time. This just crops up so many problems as he doesn't know when he can figure out their schedule, if this will give me enough time to choose a date, which I would then have to request off from work, and not only that but my cousin and her husband would need to know of all this far enough in advance as well.

I know it's not like if we don't get to meet this time around I'm going to stop loving him or anything ridiculous like that, but I had really been trying to make this work. With his new internship I'll be talking to him so much less than I used to and because his laptop broke I don't know how long it will be before it can be fixed and I can see him on webcam again. I don't really know if there's any sort of advice that can be given for this, but any comfort would be great right now. I know his life is crazy right now what with all his goings on so I don't want to ruin our few conversations together by being mopey and crying about this. He said he would try his best to figure out when his family wanted to visit so I could attempt to work around it, but it's all so up in the air right now and it's very unsettling and upsetting

[Swederica]

I understand your situation.
I was in a pretty deep depression a few months ago when i realized that all my plans had failed,
and that there were no ideas on how we were supposed to meet next time and no plan for the future.
Now, when looking back, i'm happy i entered the depression. So now we actually have a plan so we can end this LDR.
Anyway my point with that is that fate is weird.

I can't really come up with any good advice for you.
Maybe you can try to apply for a college or university that is closer to him, depending that he honors you and don't move around.

[Misz.EricaMarie]

Awh

I can't say that i know EXACTLY what you're going through, but i have an idea :/ My boyfriend and i haven't met yet either & every time we have even begun to make plans they seem to fall through before they even begin right. I know what it's like to anticipate something so much and it just doesn't seem to work But everything does happen for a reason. Hopefully he figures out the dates for you ASAP so that you can figure out what you're doing. <3 Good Luck!

[Bluestars]

I am sorry that things are not turning out the way you anticipated All I can suggest is that you guys plan this trip together. It sounds like you are the one doing all of the work, but could your boyfriend contribute as well? I am actually hoping to do the Disney Internship myself in two years if everything will work out, and from what I have heard about it, I would think he would be able to make a contribution to meeting up as well. For one, it is a paid internship, and you get back whatever money doesn't go towards living expenses. They also get discounts on things, so maybe he could use some of those for the trip? I am not sure, but I *think* you can get friends into the park for free, but I am not sure if that includes sleeping expenses.

It sounds like you were wanting to do everything on your own, but it would probably be a lot more realistic in your situation if you guys planned together. Maybe you could split the costs and plan for a later trip? I know for a fact that having a set day for a visit can work wonders for a relationship, so I hope you guys can work this out! *Hugs!

[agentholli]

i know how you feel also. We have made plans and they have fallen through...SEVERAL times. It gets VERY frustrating...VERY!! But like someone said above..fate works in strange ways and when the time is right...it will happen. I always hold on to that hope. When the time is right, everything will fall into place.

[Rosebud]

Thanks you guys so much for the encouragement, it really helps. I know it's not the end of the world if I don't get to see him this go around, it's just been something I'd been hoping for for a long time and just this once it actually seemed like something that could work, except all of a sudden all these things are popping up.

Bluestars, my boyfriend has offered a couple of time to help me pay for the trip and I'm sure he still would if I asked him now, I just feel pretty awful asking about it, like I'm wanting to borrow money and be in debt or something. I know he wouldn't guilt me about it or anything and that's just my own personal weirdness, but perhaps you're right and it is something I might need to discuss with him again. Since today is his first day there I'm sure I'll be able to ask him about alot more information about maybe getting me some kind of discount on tickets and such as well.

For awhile I thought that even if I somehow visit on the same week ashis family does, then maybe I could just snag a few of his free minutes when he's not with them or working. But then...I don't REALLY want to do that. I hate that I can't be all romantic and say that it'd be worth it to make the trip even if I could only see him for a short period of time, but it's just not realistic. The ONLY reason I'm making the trip is to see him, to be honest I don't really care about visiting Disneyworld right now, and if I'm going to be spending so much on it shouldn't I at least get what I'm going for?

Anyway, I know it's not his fault he doesn't know when his family will visit. He can't force them to be a date after all. But he says he still really wants me to come so I really hope this still works out somehow. But I do feel better from all guys' words. If it doesn't work out then maybe this just isn't our time together and something better will pop up in the future that will allow us to meet.

[Bluestars]

Bluestars, my boyfriend has offered a couple of time to help me pay for the trip and I'm sure he still would if I asked him now, I just feel pretty awful asking about it, like I'm wanting to borrow money and be in debt or something. I know he wouldn't guilt me about it or anything and that's just my own personal weirdness, but perhaps you're right and it is something I might need to discuss with him again. Since today is his first day there I'm sure I'll be able to ask him about alot more information about maybe getting me some kind of discount on tickets and such as well.

I can understand the feeling of not wanting to accept help from others. That is how I was at the beginning our relationship as well. However, I now see things completely different. My SO and I are in different situations--him being five years older than me and having a job. I am also a student, but I do not work during the semester because I work on keeping up my GPA. Most of the time, the only way we could see each other is if he bought the tickets. If he didn't, we would not be able to see each other at all because I could not afford it. However, he did it for OUR relationship, and those trips have been vital in keeping us together and we have made many beautiful memories because of it.

While I might not pay for the plane tickets and what not, I contribute to the relationship in different ways. I send the SO packages and make him things and put my heart into this relationships. I also try to pay for some of our dates every once in a while and make a point to get him small things that I can afford. Last summer, I bought a plane ticket with a pay check from my summer job, and I also plan on doing the same this summer. I just think it evens out

I guess I am telling you this so you can see if from a different perspective. I wouldn't advise looking at it as being indebted to him because he would benefit from seeing you as well! Best of wishes in talking to him about it! And the others are right, if it is meant to be, it will happen

[Zephii]

I might be blunt because I have a killer headache, so I'm sorry if this comes out the wrong way, but... you're both adults. You could just tell his family that this relationship exists and go. In laws often suck and cause trouble but you are going to have to meet them and get along eventually for the relationship to succeed. Or, if they are really unsupportive he could ask them to tell him when they are showing up so that they don't have to meet you just yet. But I'd be worried if my guy wouldn't tell his family about me.
I had another thought, but I lost it.
I hope everything turns out for you.

[Rosebud]

Zephii, if I may be so blunt back, for some of us it just is not that simple to tell one's parents. Yes, we are both adults, but I know I am not the only 20 year old the in the world that still lives with my parents and even with my job, would not be able to support myself should they so happen to not want me to live with them over this. Granted, it is not MY parents I am particularly worried about and I know they wouldn't take to such drastic extremes should I tell them. I could tell them right now if I wanted to and it probably wouldn't be a big deal. But this isn't about my parents. It's about his parents and I think it's awfully rude of you to assume you understand what they're relationship is like and the consequences he might have to face if he tells them about me. And I would prefer not to have my relationship with his parent "suck" because I forced him to tell them about me too soon and when the time was not right. It's not as though he's ashamed of me and doesn't want the world to know I'm his girlfriend and I'm insulted that you would imply he is.

Thank you again BlueStars and I really like your examples and it did give me a different perspective to think about I'm still not entirely sure how I'll bring up asking him for some help on asking for money without feeling guilty, but you'e right that it IS for both of us and I know he wants me to be there as much as I do. He understands that I just can't afford to make the trip if I'll only be with him for a short amount of time even though I felt horrible having to admit that to him. I know there are some people on this site who can't see their SOs for much longer than we have been together so I suppose I shouldn't whine so much, all I know is I'm DETERMINED to see him someday and keep myself focused on that goal. If it wasn't for his internship we had even talked about him coming to visit me instead, bu as he's now there until next January it's really all up to me at this point to work this out. I really do appreciate your support though, knowing that there's still positivity out there for this working out is really comforting.

[Zephii]

I'm sorry, but from what I understood, him telling his parents wont threaten his livelyhood or anything, seeming he's already out of home and some distance away (Or I assume some distance from their need to go visit him also.) I'm not trying to offend you, and I understand lots of people are still living with their parents and fear their reactions for whatever reason - but I had thought he wasn't living with them, and thus there is no reason to be afraid. Issues only have to be a big deal if people make them that, in my opinion.

[Swederica]

I kept my LDR secret for over 11 months. Very hard to do. But suddenly i just told them. I was so scared of doing that. But they were really supportive, or well my dad was atleast. My mom has been influenced by my stepfather (why does all stepfathers have to be jerks? :P).
Anyway my point is, maybe it'll go just fine. I think the chance of them throwing you out is minimal, if it's just because of that.

[Rosebud]

Zephii, sure, he's living away from them for now, but internships don't last forever and he will be back at home again by next January and I would hate to be the person to make someone's relationship with their parents even worse just because I'm impatient. You said it was your opinion that we make situations a bigger deal than they are and I'm glad you said that because it IS only your opinion. You don't think I have asked him to tell them about me before? You don't think this is something we have discussed? And you do not think I am intelligent enough to realize that if the answer to this problem was so easy we would have figured it out? I wrote this question because I am upset about perhaps not going over to see him, not because I needed advice on how he should tell his parents about m. That is a completely different issue and I don't appreciate that that is what my post is being focused on. It is what it is and I'm simply trying to find a way to work around that. Now is not the time to try to change it and potentially make the situation even worse than it already is.

Swederica, I really don't worry so much about my parents doing something like that. They just aren't those type of people and at worst they might disapprove and act staticy around me for a few days. I just haven't told them yet because I am nervous of it not being taken seriously, but I could do it if I absolutely had to because in the end it's just really not a big deal for me. For him however, it is. He HAS spoken with other girls online before in the past and from the reactions of his parents back then I can understand why he would be nervous telling them about me now.