Friends and their take on your relationship

[efish1042]

Most people ask me for advice because I've been making this work over the distance for almost 3 years now. I can't imagine if someone was so condescending to me about that. IMO, how DARE they treat your relationship like it is any less than theirs?
Then I also realize that some situations are different, but several are quite the same. Even so, you can have legitimate advice to offer even if you've never been in a relationships before. You can't give personal success stories, that's all.
I share your frustration on this one. I also have a bit of a temper (if you couldn't tell) so I can't imagine that I would've reacted well at all in that situation. I would, however, stop giving my advice. There is no point if they just ignore you. In fact, I've had to do that with some of my own friends, but simply because they don't listen, not that they think my advice isn't legitimate.

[Zapookie]

Thanks everyone for your input! I've been without internet for the last few days and am using my schools library computer to reply lol.

The thing I don't get is that all my friends met my boyfriend when he was here for 3 months. They all told me they loved him and that they're counting down with me and supporting me until the day he gets back... that's just why I felt so blindsided. Anyway I'll get over it soon! haha.

[Darth_Taco]

I've never gotten that. Not so much because I have understanding friends and family, but because they're not allowed to have an opinion @_@. I've made it perfectly clear that people are not allowed to judge our relationship on the following three things: The fact that it use to be long distance, the fact that its a gay relationship, and the fact that we're from opposing political parties. Try and you will find yourself losing a nipple to me @_@.

[lala]

That's my first relationship and in the beginning we were 3months CD. I mean I always gave advice or told them how I would feel..blabla especially my best friend. Although I was not in a relationship I did my best to help her and it worked out. But now that I'm in one it seams as she can't do anything to help me.. Once we talked and she said something like "you know it's not a real relationship, you'll never do those things that "normal couples" do..". Well and then she always asks me if me an my SO still have contact? o.O what?! I think she doesn't get it! In addition she has a guy who truly loves her and would do anything and everything for her,but she is not "ready" to be with him, so she's flirting with other guys and hurts him bad.. Wow so THAT is a relationship?!
I just think that it's rude from people not to accept your life and decission. They don't have to understand it they just need to listen and respect that. What I also think is they are JEALOUS! Most of us who are in a LDR are happy,cause we appreciate the small things in life, we are full of strenght and we are fighting for this love. People who are CD thes get used to all that and they lost their honeymoonphase and they don't appreciate the small things in a relationship anymore.. hehe

[leonsfangirl]

All i get from my friends is " I don't know how you cope..... I couldn't do it, it would drive me mad" I mean really? if there boyfriend/girlfriend went away for whatever reason would they just let them go and date other people?? no i don't think they would.

I don't think my best friend L takes me seriously at all but it doesn't bother me as her track record is shockingly terrible so her "advice" isnt taken seriously by me... in fact i dont recall ever asking her for relationship advice.

[Rugger]

A lot of my friends come to me for relationship advice. I've never had one of them say anything directly negative about LDRs. They know firsthand how hard my SO and I have worked to make our relationship work. Although I do get annoyed when my friends whine about not seeing their boyfriends, when they live 15 minutes apart. It makes me want to scream at them for being ungrateful brats. I would kill to be 15 minutes from my SO, and I'm betting so would a lot of the other posters here.

[FtWorth2Denver]

My best friend and I have been friends for over 20 years, and we have maybe had one or two major disagreements in all that time, but yesterday, she really ticked me off. It'll be a few days before I'm ready to talk to her again. My boyfriend lives in Colorado - I live in Texas. During our conversation yesterday, she up and tells me that she wants to hook me up with some guy she works with; she went on to give me his physical description and 'resume', if you will. I told her that was great and all, but I'm in a relationship and have been for over a year-- as she well knows -- and she says to me that I need to be in a real relationship, and she just doesn't understand this long distance stuff. "She" needs to have someone physically present for a relationship to work. She's been married for 11 years, so what in the heck does that have to do with me? I've found someone that I'm love with and that I envision spending the rest of my life with, but circumstances right now prevent us from being in close physical proximity. That will change and I have faith in my man and what we share. What gives her the right to inflict her unsolicited point of view on me. Would she encourage me to cheat on my man if he were here. And I resent the implication that because we do have some distance between us that what we have is not "real". Why does she need to understand anything about my relationship? It consists of two people - my man and me!"

How have you all handled situations like this previously? My first instinct was to just go off on her, but instead I just ended our call abruptly. I'm an adult - why do some people feel like you need them to validate your relationship, especially when theirs (with a SO that is physically near them) isn't as perfect as they'd like for everyone to believe. Why are they "qualified" in their minds to give relationship advice? I'm angry and hurt that she can't just be happy for me.

[digitalfever]

My best friend and I have been friends for over 20 years, and we have maybe had one or two major disagreements in all that time, but yesterday, she really ticked me off. It'll be a few days before I'm ready to talk to her again. My boyfriend lives in Colorado - I live in Texas. During our conversation yesterday, she up and tells me that she wants to hook me up with some guy she works with; she went on to give me his physical description and 'resume', if you will. I told her that was great and all, but I'm in a relationship and have been for over a year-- as she well knows -- and she says to me that I need to be in a real relationship, and she just doesn't understand this long distance stuff. "She" needs to have someone physically present for a relationship to work. She's been married for 11 years, so what in the heck does that have to do with me? I've found someone that I'm love with and that I envision spending the rest of my life with, but circumstances right now prevent us from being in close physical proximity. That will change and I have faith in my man and what we share. What gives her the right to inflict her unsolicited point of view on me. Would she encourage me to cheat on my man if he were here. And I resent the implication that because we do have some distance between us that what we have is not "real". Why does she need to understand anything about my relationship? It consists of two people - my man and me!"

How have you all handled situations like this previously? My first instinct was to just go off on her, but instead I just ended our call abruptly. I'm an adult - why do some people feel like you need them to validate your relationship, especially when theirs (with a SO that is physically near them) isn't as perfect as they'd like for everyone to believe. Why are they "qualified" in their minds to give relationship advice? I'm angry and hurt that she can't just be happy for me.

I think the best thing to do is say “That’s what you need for a relationship to work, not what I need.” I have a cousin who practically moves in with a guy every time she’s in a relationship, or friends that become the “couple” rather than A and B that are a couple or you have friends that never change and then you have the ones that you’d never know were in a relationship. But it really comes down to who they are and what they need, and who you are and what you need.
I don’t think there is any “right” way to do a relationship. Even close distant relationships have their quirks that make them unique to the couple and it’s just how relationships end up working out y’know? My aunt and uncle don’t sleep in the same bed because they both do shift work and it wakes the other up but they spend time together when they can, I have a friend whose boyfriend works up north three months for the summer and then comes back for the Winter and Fall. It’s all what’s right for the couple and what each person in the couple are going to put up with and want.

With that being said I’ve made it clear that my relationship is a “real” one and that it’s something that I want and that it’s a relationship that I enjoy being a part of and I’d appreciate their respect. If they can’t do that I stop sharing and I move on.

[FtWorth2Denver]

Thank you so much. I think I'm going to take your advice and simply stop sharing with her. This isn't the first time - it's just that I'm so accustomed to sharing everything with her, but I realize that this is something I'd rather keep her out of. My Love and I are happy... that's all that matters in the grand scheme of things.