Are we on different pages?

[Antiques]

Thursday night we talked by phone and everything was great. I said "I'm putting a bid in for Sunday night" meaning I wanted to see him after he spent the weekend with his son. He agreed. We shared a couple texts on Friday, a couple more on Saturday which ended with him saying he'd call me later. He didn't. Rather than get snarky about him not calling and wondering about tonight, I sent him a text telling him how much I was looking forward to seeing him, holding him...you know. He texted back an hour and half later saying "Good afternoon, babe. I hope you are doing well. I will call you later. Kisses."

His weekend with his son usually ends at 5 p.m. on Sunday. It's a 3 hour drive for me to get to his place. It's now 3:00 p.m. If I left now, it would put me there at 6 p.m. Bottom line, I thought I'd be on the road by now. I've paced my entire day around the plan for me to go visit. If I wasn't going to be traveling to see him, I would have planned my day differently. It's beautiful outside and I might have gone for a hike with my dog or met friends to do something outside.

As for the call -- when is "later?" Does that mean "tonight isn't good?" What???? I haven't able to see him the last two weekends. Two weekends ago I was going to see him until he found out his son had a program at church and he wanted to go. Okay. The following weekend (his "free" weekend), there was a family wedding that he wanted to travel to. Okay. Now I don't know what's going on this weekend. Weekends are really the only time we can get together. Earlier this week because it had been almost 3 weeks since we had been together, I played hooky from work and traveled 4 hours to his work location so we could spend the night together. Although he was appreciative, I feel like I'm the one making all the sacrifices and sitting calmly by waiting for him to tell me if he has time or not.

The relationship is relatively new. Although we've known each other for about 6 months, we only started dating seriously 2 months ago. Everything has been good - great, in fact. We are very compatible and very attracted to one another. We have similar interests and goals in life. But I want to know if we're on the same page. It's not enough that he wants to see me. He has to make time for it and follow through when he says we will get together.

Any thoughts?

[LoveJ]

If you feel like he isn't putting in his equal share of effort in the relationship, I think it's time to have a talk with him about where his head is in this and exactly what he expects. It's not cool of him to have you think you're going to see him tonight and then he just sort of leaves it hanging, especially up until the last minute. That feels like a red flag. If he has something going on where he can't see you, or he's tired, or whatever his reason is, he should be up front with you about it, not just let it go until it's too late at which point he doesn't need to explain or turn you down. Does that make sense?

If he doesn't make time, don't bend over backwards to cater to him. Successful relationships are two-way streets. You can't expect one to work if only one person is doing all the heavy lifting. You deserve more than that. Regardless of how busy he is with work, kids, or his social life, he shouldn't be leaving you hanging like this. Like I said, I think it's time to have the "what are we" conversation. No sense in you feeling the way you are now for longer than you need to.

[digitalfever]

He seems to be giving you the run around. I'd talk to him about it.

[Antiques]

As it turns out, he was experiencing some tummy trouble and wanted to see if it would pass. I guess he thought one or the other of us would be uncomfortable if he was running to the restroom all the time. I convinced him that's just life and we have to learn to be comfortable with each other in all situations. I will be there shortly and will talk to him about just checking in so I am not left hanging. Thanks all! You're the best.

[LoveJ]

Well, I'm glad you at least know now where he is, although if he wasn't feeling good, why didn't he just say something sooner?