New to LDRs

[alesitag]

Hello everyone, I'm Ale, I'm 29 and I'm from Mexico and my SO is 37, from Canada.

Our love story began when we met on imo.im, he added me as a contact, we started chatting, we realized that although we're very different we had lots of things in common and started to get closer... at least in our hearts...

We started our relationship on 01/feb/12, and it's been great... we've been going through a rough time individually and have been there to support each other making things a bit easier.

We haven't met in person, but we're planning on me visiting him in the next couple of months. I'm already working on getting my US and Canadian visas and he'll get his passport soon, so he can visit me too... yay!!

We chat almost on a daily basis, sometimes for hours, sometimes just a couple of minutes, and we talk over the phone every other day, since it's a bit expensive and we need to save money for our future visits.

We have opened our hearts to each other, talked about our pasts and how life has not been easy for neither of us. He told me about things he did in the past he wasn't proud of and I did too... we've been nothing but understanding and loving to each other, but today he told me something I wasn't expecting to hear, and that's why I need advice.

As I said before, we chat almost every day, I usually stay up all night on Fridays and Saturdays to keep him company while he's at work (he works at the front desk of a Hotel during the night shift), however this weekend I wasn't able to. On Friday I had dinner with some friends and when I got home I only got online for a couple of hours because I had to work on Saturday, then on Saturday night me, my sister and my cousins had a birthday sleepover for me and one of my cousins. I told him about all this and he was OK with it... I also told him I wouldn't be able to message him until I got back home because there was no Internet where we were staying.

I left some messages for him today as soon as I got WiFi for the iPod, since he was offline, then took a nap and when I woke up I saw some messages he sent, telling me he was worried, and he was feeling really far away from me... when I saw that i messaged him and the next thing he said was that maybe he wasn't made for long distance... all I could say was that I love him, and that i'm already working on closing the distance to spend a week or two with him... then he told me he missed me like crazy and that all kind of crazy things were running though his head because he wasn't able to talk to me... again I told him my feelings for him are stronger everyday, and then he asked me about temptations... i told him my only temptation now is the idea of not coming back home once I go visit him and stay there forever so we don't have to say goodbye... told him I love him once again and then I had to go offline to go to mass with my family...

How can we deal with this kind of issues?? any ideas?? what can I do to give him the confidence that I'm 100% in this relationship? he knows I messed up before by cheating on my ex, I told him about it and explained what happened, but I truly believe that when you are with the right person, there's no need to look any further... and that's exactly how I feel... I know we've been together for a very short time, but I feel deep inside my heart this is what I've been looking for all my life...

[MandylovesherBrit]

I think you should just say exactly what you said just now. Tell him you are completely one hundred and ten percent committed to this relationship. LDRs are ALL about trust. Especially since you're a country away, it's not as if you can check up on your SO, or sneak through their phone. It has to be that you trust each other completely. I know that is hard, but you just have to constantly remind him, how important he is to you. How often you think about him, how you can't wait to see him. Just things like that to reassure him! That's all you really can do is just tell him you're in it for the long run. Hope I helped a bit! Good luck, have an awesome trip!

[alesitag]

Thank you very much... It's good to know I'm doing it right... We both know it's not gonna be easy, and I've already told him it's all about trust and communication, so I'll just remind him this is what we've been waiting for our entire lives

[dglynn77]

LDRs are ALL about trust.

This is so true!
LDRs can be difficult at times, but they are so worth it!

Oh, and welcome!

[alesitag]

I agree on that... I'm gonna send my SO the LDR eBook, which I have already read.

Just an hour ago I told him I was going out for lunch with a friend (the guy I cheated with, which is a really good friend and knows that what happened before is over, and that I'm happily in love with my cute redhead). He needed to talk to me about personal issues, and as me and my SO agreed to be honest with each other, I told him about it.

Then he started rambling again about the things that I've done in the past, and how they're kinda hard to understand... and he's afraid it might happen again... I kept telling him I'm in love with him, he's all I want and all I need and that I don't need to look anywhere else... I felt so bad about it, I even canceled lunch, but he told me not to...

I mean, he's no angel at all (well... to me he'll always be my blue-eyed angel), but I'm willing to accept and embrace him flaws and all... I just hope he's able to do that as well...

[alesitag]

ok... I think we are officially having our first fight or argument... he was much wiser than me and said we rather stop chatting about it and wait till we can talk it over the phone... my chest hurts so much... I can see I probably messed up BIG TIME! but I guess we'll see what happens later tonight...

We just need some good vibes... I'll tell you how that went...

[Zephii]

Hey I like you. You're so so very honest, I don't know how he can not trust you! But maybe that's because I can relate to you. I was unfaithful to my first SO (and my hubby knows because it was with him) but somehow he manages not to doubt me, even though my closest mate is a guy. I think that takes time though. I think over time your SO will figure out that he can trust you - that you're so open and have nothing to hide and all that. But stand your ground, you know you have not done anything wrong to cause him to feel this way, so show him you understand his concerns, but don't let him control who you talk to - because that kind of thing just gets worse over time.

Welcome to the forums!

[Deleted]

As others have said, it is all about trust! If you are comitted and you are sure about how you feel, things come easier. Trusting is harder in the beginning (in my case I was the one who distrusted a little, although I had no reasons of it...). I had a very bad start in every aspect! It got better in time because I realized that if he really felt for me, he was not going to easily cheat. You sound really honest so I don't doubt you will make your SO trust you eventually.

Welcome to the forums! I'm relatively new but I'm loving them.

(By the way I'm from Monterrey, NL Mexico too!)

[alesitag]

Thanks for all your support... I'm getting really anxious as time goes by and the time for him to get home gets closer...

I sent him a heart-felt email before I left work explaining what was it all about because for some reason all the wrong words came out of my fingers while chatting and I ended up making him even more upset... I guess being at work and having to deal with this things made my communicating skills go to level zero

After reading my email he said he understood a little better the whole situation but he was still feeling upset and not willing to talk, so I had to back off... He asked about my plans for tonight so I told him I was gonna go home and wait for him to be home too so we could talk about this over the phone...

I'm so nervous!!

[alesitag]

EVERYTHING'S FINE!!!!

I'm so relieved... We got to talk last night, he explained he just missed me so much this last weekend since we weren't able to talk or chat, and all kind of crazy thoughts took over him , plus having crazy shifts at work in order to get 40hrs in 3 days led him to have only about 6 to 8 hours of sleep for the whole weekend and it took its toll on him... but he said whenever it happens again (I guess he's the drama queen in our relationship lol) I should do exactly what I did... just remind him how much I love him and that this is all about trust since we cannot be together yet... He said he trusts me, but he still finds hard to believe the guy I went for lunch will not try to make a move on me, so again, I told him I'm not interested, because I know what I want and that's my cute, blue-eyed, redhead Canadian...

We also addressed some other issues we were having lately, individually and as a couple, for example, the fact that in the last couple of days our conversations were pretty much checking on each other's day and saying "i love you" and "I miss you", which was kinda upsetting both of us since we've been together for not so long and it felt like we had nothing else to talk about ... and right there our conversation started taking off... we started talking about some troubles i'm dealing at home, he started talking about his as well, then we started talking about religion, and politics and a bunch of different things ... and last thing I know we were laughing and talking again about our future together...

Thanks for all your support!!

[Zephii]

Woo glad to hear it!