Announcement

**totalspiffage** · May 23, 2010, 03:10 PM

Well, I think situations like this are bound to pop up. I mean, I definitely had a few moments when I wanted to just forget the long-distance thing and go with some guy at my school who's around all the time, but then those kind of things are usually always superficial and you know they'll end. In my relationship, it's such a long-term thing that I'm freaking out about waiting for such a long time. And I've had interests outside the relationship too, but I just use logic to override any other superficial feelings.

I love my boyfriend and when a guy tries to chat me up, I might like the flirting, but after a while I ignore them and they eventually find another girl to like instead. What I suppose I'm trying to say is that in this case, you should win. LDRs start and last because there is a deep connection. That deep emotion will win out in the end. It's probably just the end of the "honeymoon" happy phase. I've gone through it, and trust me. You'll be fine.

**Misz.EricaMarie** · May 23, 2010, 03:30 PM

I can relate to you, My boyfriend is literally AMAZING & that being the case, almost all of his female friends end up falling for him. Now the problem with this is, i don't want him to have NO friends.. but i feel just the same as you. If she is truly a friend of his she will hold her feelings for him back while he is in a happy committed relationship, and the girls who decide to tell him how they feel about him, i feel that is a blatant disrespect to our entire relationship. If they know he is happy with who he is with why throw their feelings into the mix? && then i start to worry about him staying friends with them, is he going to talk to them about our problems? are they going to start pretending to be all for our relationship when deep down they are just waiting for the right times to conveniently "be there" for him? Girls are shady.. anyways back on to you. I think you can't really ask her not to be friends with him that should be her choice, and as I've learned you need to have faith that if he continues to push trying to pursue her that she will end the friendship at the right time. Give her a chance.. maybe she doesn't want to avoid him altogether but will start to back off from the friendship slowly. I would say give it some time, if seems as though they are just getting closer and closer then tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable. If she loves you, she will want to make sure that she doesn't do anything that makes you feel that way as long as you're realistic about it

**Caitlin2009** · May 23, 2010, 04:35 PM

well if you trust her and know she woudlnt cheat on you then theres no reason for her to end the friendship with him, just trust her that she will turn him down if he asks something like that again

**artfuldodger** · May 23, 2010, 05:32 PM

Originally posted by Caitlin2009 View Post

well if you trust her and know she woudlnt cheat on you then theres no reason for her to end the friendship with him, just trust her that she will turn him down if he asks something like that again

Caitlin2009,i do trust her dont get me wrong,, but the fact that she wanted to keep on hanging with him as if he didnt say anything to her makes me worry in some way..
and i think she would have the same opinions if some girl was chatting me up.....!?!..

**artfuldodger** · May 23, 2010, 05:34 PM

thanks for taking your time replying me..its good to hear things from other people's perspective....

**Caitlin2009** · May 23, 2010, 05:54 PM

Originally posted by artfuldodger View Post

Caitlin2009,i do trust her dont get me wrong,, but the fact that she wanted to keep on hanging with him as if he didnt say anything to her makes me worry in some way..
and i think she would have the same opinions if some girl was chatting me up.....!?!..

sure she would? im not that sure about it, theres no way you two are gonna make it anytime any guy says something like that and you get upset over it, she wants to be with you at the moment so you have nothing to worry about

**folclor** · May 23, 2010, 06:26 PM

when I was with my most previous ex my current boyfriend told me he loved me. *shrugs* Prolly a different situation, though, since I'm fairly sure you aren't neglectful of your girl.

There's absolutely ntohing wrong with her hanging out with this guy friend. Just because he has stated his attraction does not mean he's going to try and steal her away. He probably just told her because he had a fantasy of being with her. As long as she keeps to her boundaries it'll be fine. Really, don't worry about it unless he makes too bold of moves or she gets lax about repelling him.

**Zephii** · May 25, 2010, 02:03 PM

I think you worry unnecessarily.
Both Obi and I have (or did have) friends that were interested in us as something more at one point or another. It's not an issue, because we don't feel that way towards them. The fact she told you is good and shows trust. Under no circumstances do you have the right to ask her not to be friends with anyone - that is controlling.
I don't think there is anything wrong with her wanting to keep her friends, even if they like her.Sometimes it's kind of nice to know other people find us attractive, even if we have no intention on acting on it. It's just a compliment. And sometimes there are so many reasons to be friends that they outweigh the one negative.

**Lunar Snow** · May 25, 2010, 05:11 PM

I have a similar situation as Misz.EricaMarie and, so I can identify with you both. It's often not a good idea to ask your SO to end a friendship with someone--it can feel like a violation of free will (though it can be tempting and should be considered in context). That said, I think that you did nothing wrong by expressing that the situation made you uncomfortable; if someone loves you, they should be able to understand you and reassure you. Even though it was hard to hear, I think the fact that she told you about him is a great sign. As difficult as it may be, I think that trying to remove this topic from your conversations for awhile would be best--try to focus on some great things between you as a couple (it's hard to make someone smile after they decide to cut a friend loose for your sake). Depending on how you communicate in your relationship, you may even want to alter your ground rules together and consider discussing and outlining what is an isn't okay for you, as a couple, in situations that create jealousy, etc. (e.g. maybe both of you would be okay with each other hanging out with attracted friends in group settings, but draw the line at one-on-one crashing at these friends' houses, or what have you).

**Misz.EricaMarie** · May 25, 2010, 10:08 PM

Originally posted by Caitlin2009 View Post

theres no way you two are gonna make it anytime any guy says something like that and you get upset over it,

That's not true either, not that i'm proud of my insecurities but i get upset almost anytime one of my boyfriends friends tell him they have feelings for him, it gets handled and discussed but it still happens & we have made it over a year already.. with no intentions of breaking up anytime soon. Everyone is different, I'm honestly TOO emotional for a long distance relationship but he handles me very well & a year into it we have both learned how to talk things out and come up with solutions we both are comfortable with <3

**Caitlin2009** · May 26, 2010, 07:41 AM

Originally posted by Misz.EricaMarie View Post

That's not true either, not that i'm proud of my insecurities but i get upset almost anytime one of my boyfriends friends tell him they have feelings for him, it gets handled and discussed but it still happens & we have made it over a year already.. with no intentions of breaking up anytime soon. Everyone is different, I'm honestly TOO emotional for a long distance relationship but he handles me very well & a year into it we have both learned how to talk things out and come up with solutions we both are comfortable with <3

I know that and i get like that too but he's outright telling her to stop being friends with him just because he has a crush on her, and that is controlling and in relationships like that normally if he doesnt change then the relationship wont work

**Misz.EricaMarie** · May 27, 2010, 07:10 PM

Originally posted by Caitlin2009 View Post

I know that and i get like that too but he's outright telling her to stop being friends with him just because he has a crush on her, and that is controlling and in relationships like that normally if he doesnt change then the relationship wont work

Yea, that's true. I never ask my SO not to be friends with anyone.. he loves me enough to know when to back off someone if he that's his choice or not.

Announcement

have you guys face anything similar?

have you guys face anything similar?

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment