How can I make up for my stupidity?

[cwarbs]

I need some advice... I feel like a really awful girlfriend right now...

Tonight my SO found out while he was at my house that his grandma has to get a PET scan tomorrow to find out if her cancer has spread to her bones. He left immediately after finding out because he wanted to go be with his mom, which I understood. I gave him a hug and told him I was going to be there for him and when he was about to leave he said he might be able to see me friday even thought we already had made plans. I asked him why maybe and he said he might have to cancel to do some stuff for his fraternity. I got really frustrated because I really hate when he puts his frat stuff before me and walked away from his car without saying goodbye. I know I was acting childish and stupid but I was really looking forward to seeing him. After he left I texted him "Don't worry I won't take up your friday. Have fun doing frat stuff". I know I shouldn't have. He texted back that I am making him feel even worse because he knows hes going to lose his grandma. I tried calling him and he answered and just said that he would talk to be tomorrow then hung up. I left him a message saying how sorry I was but I haven't heard from him yet.

I know (at least I'm pretty sure...) that this isn't going to be the end of us but what I really need help with is how should I support him through this? I've never had to help anyone get through the declining health of a family member. I've lost both sets of my grandparents but I was too young for it to have any impact on me. He can be really closed off with his emotions and I don't know how to handle that. Has anyone been through anything similar?

Also one more question. I feel awful even mentioning this but if in the event she does pass away what should I do? I will be at school 3 hours away which isn't an unreasonable distance to travel for an emergency weekend trip. But would it be my place to go home to be with him? We were CD for 2.5+ so I'm really close with his family but would it be my place to drive there to be there for him?

[digitalfever]

Ask him what he wants from you. Ask him "What can I do to help you in the event your grandma passes?" Don't guess because the thing about death is people

[marbear31]

I think, if she passes away, he'd be extremely grateful if you were there. You're sort of in the perfect position: you're an "outsider" because you're not immediate family, but you've formed emotional ties with them, so they know you're there because you care. That would be a perfect opportunity to show him you care.

Unfortunately, there's no perfect way to deal with crisises. Sometimes I wish there was a generic phrase that conveyed everything you wished to say in sympathy, but kept in mind that you don't understand completely, and you're not assuming to. One way I always find works is so simple: hugs! I think physical touch is a reminder of reality away from the abstractness of death (that at least we mortals can contemplate :P), and hugs, chocolate, and keeping the mood light, but poignant, is good. Just be completely open to him, and simply listen to what he has to say. Encourage him to talk about it, but only when he's ready. Be gentle and supportive, and I promise you, he'll be grateful.

In terms of your other spat--don't sweat it. If he blows up over this one thing...I mean, he'd be a 5 year old. :P My boyfriend has a tendency to bury his head in the sand sometimes when he doesn't want to address a problem, so it's just letting him come to the realization of his own existential deduction process. In simpler terms, let guys be guys, and tough it out in their own minds, knowing that you're there, and that you love him. Maybe you could write him an email once more apologizing, and explaining the conversation succinctly, but completely? He'll come round.

Best of luck, darling, and don't let this get you down! Stay positive for him, and just let him know you love him. Also, hope his grandma is okay! Prayers going out for her!

[cwarbs]

Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it! Hopefully the test goes well today...

I am kind of worried because I haven't heard from him yet today. Usually if we fight, first thing the next morning we talk and make up. I texted him letting him know that I was sorry again and that I'm ready to talk whenever he is and that I love him but I haven't gotten a response back. This spat is different than most because usually we're 200 miles away from each other but right now we're in the same city since I'm home for spring break. Part of me really wants to call until he answers or drive over to his house and get this settled but I know that would definitely not make this any better.

[LoveL]

You've left a voice mail and a text message. You already passed the ball and now it's in his court. If it goes on for days, then you have an issue.
Also remember that he's dealing with his Grandma's stuff right now, right?. That might take precedence over responding to a message, even though it wouldn't to me.

He'll get back in touch with you soon enough. If you're close enough with the family and you just can't wait any longer, go with him now. Why wouldn't he have taken you that first night, since you're in town and you're already close to them?

[cwarbs]

He texted me today and said he was too busy to talk today which worries me because this must mean he wants to have a lengthy conversation. I thought this would just end with us just making up today and moving on but I guess he's madder than I thought. I mean it would be silly to think he would want to end over 3 years of commitment over something little like this right? I think I worry too much but this has been stressing me out all day like crazy. I can't even begin to imagine life without him.

I think we're going to talk tomorrow morning on the phone but I can't help but worry