Possible consequences of making one of the biggest decisions of my life...

[lolalane]

Hi LDR community,

Recently my boyfriend and I were able to close the distance between us for a period of 6 months. You can read more about our story on my blog https://relationshipsfromadistance.blogspot.com.

I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. I decided to leave my family home without my family's knowledge, navigate my way to the airport, catch a flight and then another connecting one to fly to another continent 6000 miles away. At only 18 this was a big step for me and I am very worried about the repercussions of my decision especially concerning my family. I have hurt them so much and I really regret that part.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What consequences were there?

thanks
Lola x

[LoveJ]

My first question is, why did you not tell your family that you were leaving? And how long will you be gone for?

If you left without their knowledge and you're just going away for a week or so, they might be upset that you just took off, causing them to worry about you, but they'll get over it. If, however, you'll be gone for a much longer period of time, the repercussions could be pretty bad. Imagine if one of your family members just took off without telling you, and without giving you a chance to say goodbye to them?

I'm sure you did it for reasons justifiable in your mind, but judging by the info given, I can imagine they'll be hurt.

[13000km]

Assuming you are now in a different country, what is the visa situation like? You don't want to overstay your welcome and be forced to leave the country (usually this means it will be extremely hard to ever set foot in that country again). Also, how long are you going to be gone for? Does your family know where you are now? Do they know you are safe?

[alesitag]

I'll be twenty-ten tomorrow (ok,ok, 30!!) but I know even at my age, if I did something like that my family would be very hurt... I've been thinking about not coming back home when I go visit my SO, but that's just a fantasy... I'm not going to do it because I know it'll break my parents' hearts... I think you should call them (I don't know how long you've been away) apologize and be prepared for lots of drama...

[lademoiselle]

I've taken off without telling my family in advance twice in my life, but I didn't leave the country and was never away for more than two nights. I updated them by text throughout as well. I'm guessing you felt you couldn't tell your parents what you were going to do because they don't approve of your relationship?

[Dziubka]

Well this is why you think before you act. I thought that was common sense, but apparently not.

How long have you been gone for? Have you had contact with your family?

I'd say now it's time to own up and apologize to them. It's all you can do anyway. Tell them you realize what you did hurt them a lot and show you're genuinely sorry for it. There's not much you can do when you've hurt someone that much, except apologize and hope for their forgiveness.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Do you understand how difficult this is going to make it for them to trust you now? By not talking to them about this before hand, like an adult, in their eyes, you've just proved that you're not. You're 18, so legally, you can do what you want. However, if you were living under their roof at the time... you should have respected what they were saying, even if you disagreed. At the least, you should have told them you were leaving, even if you weren't asking. You also put yourself in a VERY dangerous position, just taking off, leaving the country, without anyone's knowledge. If you'd been abducted or something, no one would know where to find you. Your family wouldn't have been able to even guess at where you could be.
Anyway, it's all well and good for us to say "Should have...". You have hurt your family, you have hurt your chances for them to see you as 18 and an adult, not 18 and a teenager, but as none of us know your family, or the situation you're in RIGHT NOW - (are you back at home? Are you still with your SO in their country? Have you contacted your family? How long are you staying in their country? What's the visa situation?) - it's difficult for us to advise you on what your next step could be in order to make this hard situation easier. Maybe you could explain what's going on right now to us, so we can give more accurate advice?

[LoveL]

...... updates to this would really help us give you better advice.

I think it's obvious that we generally don't agree with how it went down, but that doesn't mean we still can't help you fix and deal with the repercussions.

[Tommybat]

As romantic as that is, you should have told someone you were leaving. I had a friend who left for a week via train to meet a boy in Texas who she met over the internet. She never told her mother, nor did her mother find out, but she told me and kept me updated. She even gave me his address should anything go wrong. If you cannot tell your parents, then tell a friend. But tell someone. Your parents are going to be super hurt that you just up and left. No note or anything. When you can shoot them a text or a call or mail them a letter or something. Put yourself into their shoes...

[Bethypoo]

Well this is why you think before you act. I thought that was common sense, but apparently not.

Though the above may be true, I DO give you props for doing that you thought was best for you.

With that being said. Though legally you are an adult at 18... it doesn't mean that you have all of the appropriate tools and experience to make such swift decisions. You are over 18 so technically you dont have to apologize to your parents you are an adult and can do what you want. But at the same time, the way that you went about things was not the best way you could have handled the situation.

In general you may have completely lost all of their trust. Which is hard to gain back even thought they are your parents. You just need to talk to them. Let them know you are fine and safe and really let them know your plans.

Your actions showed that you wanted to be an independent adult. Well congratulations, now you are. So you have to be prepared for ANYTHING. Talk to them. Then go from there. Figure out your next steps.

Do I think you made the best decision no. In a sense it was childish. But now you have to go from here and plan ahead.

Good luck and as others said updates would be great!

[carolynred]

The only thing that comes close to your situation for me is when I was 5 and accidentally ran away from home. I thought I saw my family walking down the street and went to follow them. Turns out it wasn't my family and I got lost from my home. Needless to say my mother was a mess when Dad found me and brought me home.

Even at 18, parents can still react the same way when it comes to their own child. You NEED to tell them that you are safe. Your safety is the most important thing right now more than anything. They will probably be angry later but give them the peace of mind and shoot them a text or give them a phone call. The others are right in saying that trust is going to be difficult from now on with your parents, and it might take some time for them to settle down from this scenario. There is going to be drama regardless, but its better to tell your parents where you are then to come home and have them clueless about the situation. What if you never told them where you were and they went out to have a search done to find you? Then authorities would be involved and we don't want that right? I am thankful that between all the traveling you were not abducted or put in harm's way.

Please keep us updated!