So, my situation is a little strange. I met my boyfriend about nine months ago when I was studying in Costa Rica. We've been in touch ever since, and about three months ago it became serious and exclusive. We both decided to stay loyal to one another, made easier by the fact that the plan was for me to go visit him in August for a few months and do some volunteer work.
But last night we had a conversation about me at least finishing my work at the JC. He was very supportive about my decision and understanding of my feelings of needing to get at least some sort of degree before I take time off of school. That way, I can go visit him for an undecided amount of time, and not feel like I need to hurry back home. I only have one more semester, which means that the plan now is for me to go see him end of December, beginning of January. But that's another eight months away, and he brought up to me that he was uncomfortable with that in terms of not having sexual contact for that long.
It kind of threw me for a loop and I didn't know what to say.
The conversation didn't go very far because I didn't have a clear idea of what I felt and wanted to say, and I felt like this was a pretty serious conversation, I should know exactly what and how I am willing to compromise. But I still don't. Part of me understands where he's coming from. I understand he's a man, I understand that he's a Latin man who's a scuba instructor on a catamaran for tourists, so he obviously meets girls every single day. I understand that it's been hard for him since things have gotten serious and exclusive. Part of me wants to compromise and allow him to do what he needs to do, as long as he's honest about it.
And the other half of me say $*%# THAT! I do not want to think about him with other girls, I don't want to think about sharing intimacy, and if he did something and told me about it, I think I would break down. I think that that would really shake my stability. But if he did something and did not tell me about it, and I found out, (which I always do...) that would be even worse. I would break down, as well as feel horribly betrayed and lied to.
I'm just so conflicted. How do I make this work? What kind of compromise can be made that is comfortable for both of us? How do I express myself to him without sounding needy and possessive?
I should also mention that this is the first serious relationship I've had in a while (and it just happens to be long distance...) due to the fact that relationships freak me out. I usually hate feeling this way, I want to be able to do I want and I let people do what they want. It's been a long time since I've had to tell someone how I feel and what my needs are, and to compromise...
Has anyone ever had to make a compromise about openness in their LDR? Or what are some ways to...non-violently express my needs to him?
But last night we had a conversation about me at least finishing my work at the JC. He was very supportive about my decision and understanding of my feelings of needing to get at least some sort of degree before I take time off of school. That way, I can go visit him for an undecided amount of time, and not feel like I need to hurry back home. I only have one more semester, which means that the plan now is for me to go see him end of December, beginning of January. But that's another eight months away, and he brought up to me that he was uncomfortable with that in terms of not having sexual contact for that long.
It kind of threw me for a loop and I didn't know what to say.
The conversation didn't go very far because I didn't have a clear idea of what I felt and wanted to say, and I felt like this was a pretty serious conversation, I should know exactly what and how I am willing to compromise. But I still don't. Part of me understands where he's coming from. I understand he's a man, I understand that he's a Latin man who's a scuba instructor on a catamaran for tourists, so he obviously meets girls every single day. I understand that it's been hard for him since things have gotten serious and exclusive. Part of me wants to compromise and allow him to do what he needs to do, as long as he's honest about it.
And the other half of me say $*%# THAT! I do not want to think about him with other girls, I don't want to think about sharing intimacy, and if he did something and told me about it, I think I would break down. I think that that would really shake my stability. But if he did something and did not tell me about it, and I found out, (which I always do...) that would be even worse. I would break down, as well as feel horribly betrayed and lied to.
I'm just so conflicted. How do I make this work? What kind of compromise can be made that is comfortable for both of us? How do I express myself to him without sounding needy and possessive?
I should also mention that this is the first serious relationship I've had in a while (and it just happens to be long distance...) due to the fact that relationships freak me out. I usually hate feeling this way, I want to be able to do I want and I let people do what they want. It's been a long time since I've had to tell someone how I feel and what my needs are, and to compromise...
Has anyone ever had to make a compromise about openness in their LDR? Or what are some ways to...non-violently express my needs to him?
) 
jajajajaja!
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