College "mid-life" crisis

[ashleecarol]

So, this May I am suppose to hear back from my University whether I made it into their nursing school or not. My mother graciously pays for my college with the money my father left behind for me after he passed away and with some of her own income. In return for this, she begged for me to just be a student and not get a job so that I may focus on my studies. Who could ask for more? My town is a college town, therefore, I went to the college here because my mom has always wanted to say "my daughter goes to ____"! Sure, I love the University and my dad would be so proud that I went to his favorite college....but I am starting to freak out. I receive government benefits for my father's loss that I have been receiving since I was 18 and they will be ending in June because I am now 22. Besides my school and still living at home (due to lack of job and maternal pressures), I live independently from my mother. I use this money to pay for my car, my gas, and other expenses for my own personal lifestyle (like saving it up to travel to see my SO or to have him see me, clothes, food, etc).

My SO and I have a little more than a year before we can hopefully close the distance (or have him move somewhat closer so that we can drive to see one another rather than have to fly). He will be graduating and heading off to complete his Masters. If I get accepted to nursing school, I'll have two more years and I'll graduate. I think I am beginning to panic that I won't make it into the nursing program.

The more I look at my life, the majority of what I am doing is to please my mother and other people. Now, don't get me wrong, I love using my money to go see my sweetheart. However, if I bring up moving out, getting a job, or other career choices that my mom doesn't approve of for me, you might want to send reinforcement because World War 3 has begun in my house. I have tried approaching these topics in a straight-forward manner, a gentle manner, and even just going out and doing it anyway (like getting a job). However, my mother becomes toxic and extremely passive-aggressive...or just aggressive in what she'll say to me to discourage me from doing what I want to do for myself. (EX: I was getting dressed for a job interview I had and I was super excited. My mom came in, looked me up and down, then proceeded to say, "You are going looking like THAT?" I ignored her and went about getting ready. She continued to insult everything I was doing to get ready until I turned to her, shouting, "Do you have ANYTHING nice to say to me or are you going to continue to insult me?" She continued to insult me until I walked out the door). Mind you, she complained about my job enough when I was home that I couldn't take it anymore and quit. No, I'm not exaggerated. Yes, it got that bad. My SO even swears by it.
Also, when I first started college, she freaked out when I told her that I didn't want to be a music teacher (singing was my hobby and I was active in my choir in high school). She didn't understand that it wasn't my dream and I wanted to be a psychologist. She mocked me constantly about it. I eventually took a course about health professions and when there was a lecture about nursing, it was like a light bulb went off. I knew what I wanted to do. When I changed my major, my mom was ecstatic and she proceeds to constantly say how SHE always wanted to be a nurse and she never understood why I picked such a "stupid major choice" before. This made her happy for me?...

I have another option that I am looking at for nursing school besides the one associated with my current University. I mentioned it to my mother and suddenly, she doesn't have the money to pay for my education at the other school. Only for my current University. Except, I could get quite a few scholarships and transfer aid from the other University that I'm looking at that, in the end, she would pay less....but she brushed off that bit of information. She wants me to be a ______ graduate. She has told me that she wants to be able to say that her daughter graduated from _____.

Basically, I am at my wits end. I am getting my CNA (certified nursing assistant), so that I can get started working in a hospital for experience and earn money doing something I would actually enjoy doing during the summer (and even while I'm in nursing school, if I get accepted). However, if I don't, I am ready to drop everything, grab my stuff, and relocate somewhere to get away from everything. Start somewhere new on my own and say (excuse my language) "FUCK IT" to all of it. I am dying to just do something spontaneous like that and just disappear for a while to start for myself, by myself. I'm ready to get these chains off me that I feel like my mother has me trapped in.

Any advise or input at all would be helpful. What do you think? Even if you want to share your own stories, I'd love that as well. I appreciate those of you that read all of this and I look forward to the responses. Have a great day.

[temporaryuser]

at 22, you are old enough to start making your own choices, and living by then. That being said, you will need to be able to support yourself if you make a decision and your mother is serious about supporting you.
Getting your cna, will afford you the opportunity to be employed in a hospital setting. Most hospitals will offer tuition assistance for continuing education. Take this into consideration when looking for a job. But also realize that nursing school isnt easy. Its a rigorous program, and having a job while attending class will be difficult (not impossible - plenty of people do it because they dont have any other options).
If your mother decises not to support you and pay for school, you have other assistance options available thru schools.
There is always the chance that your mother will change her mind once you do stand up for your self and do your own thing. You may have to move out and be under your own roof to make this happen tho.

[Zephii]

I don't know. On one hand I'm like "Do what she says it's a great opportunity!" because I don't have parents and if mum was still alive she'd still be too poor to help me out. And I've struggled, while all my mates who can stay at home and sponge off their parents get ahead. My SO is a perfect example. He lived with his parents until he moved out with me at 23, every dollar he made at work he got to keep because he had no expenses. His grandparents gave him money towards his education, and now he has a degree and is working his career job, earning nearly double what I do... all because he had a hand up in the world.

On the other hand, independance is lovely and you appreciate things more the harder you have to work to get them. It's your life and you do need to live it for you.
I don't have post-secondary education, and when I had the opportunity for it I turned it down to go be with my SO in his country. I have struggled for what I have, and I have very little. I have no real savings to speak of. But I have a lot of experience, I'm confident in the world and I can look after myself. I have a lot of practical knowledge, and feel blessed to have started my adult life so early. I'm married and ready to start having kids, and I don't feel like I've missed out on anything.

So, in the long term, your mum is doing you a massive favour. So what if she wants you to go to a certain school? She's putting you through school, and not everyone has that - and those that do get a huge debt at the end of it. Generally the grass looks greener, and all that.

I'm sorry I'm not able to ramble coherantly today :/ I should eat something. Anyway! Good luck, and I'm sorry your mum is so controlling I don't miss living with my mum, that's for sure.