How soon is too soon?

[alesitag]

So the other day I was talking to Pat (my SO), and I told him about this big fight I had with my dad and how bad I was feeling about the things he said to me... The next day, we got talking again and Pat suggested that maybe I'm having these fights with my parents (there have been a few) because it's time for me to leave their house (I had been thinking about it too).
So yeah, I told him I started thinking about buying a house here now that things are going better at home financially speaking (that's the main reason I still live with my parents, I've been their financial support for 10 years now), and he immediately said he'd like for me to wait until we meet (I'm thinking May or June this year), so we can make a decision together... I know what he means, he is talking about actually closing the distance and for some reason I don't feel scared at all, I actually feel excited and happy... Happier than ever!!
I'd really appreciate if you guys could give your opinion or advice about closing the distance... How soon is too soon? What are the things you'd consider before taking this huge step? I know it should be pretty similar to being in a CDR, but my previous relationship lasted 5 years and we never got not even a bit close to this point, so my mind is a bit blurry...
All comments are welcome, boys and girls...

[Michelle]

If you just started dating last month then I think it is too soon especially since this is an international (Mexico-Canada) relationship (the process to actually close the distance takes quite a long time if you do it right by getting all the appropriate paperwork done). Also, I don't think anyone should be making serious plans to move to another country without meeting the other person first. I wouldn't suggest that even for a couple that lived in the same city (it just doesn't make sense to move in with someone you haven't even met in person).

I would definitely slow down. Meeting for the first time is an exciting milestone for your relationship and should be your main focus.

[Amatory]

Whoa, we're in VERY similar situations. I've only been 'with' my SO for 6 months, but if all goes according to plan, he'll be living here within 2 years. We've already talked about marriage and closing the distance, though being LD, you should, imo.

I don't think there is a set time for ANY step in any relationship. If you both are comfortable going quickly (And I mean REALLY comfortable), then go for it. If either one of you feels like it's moving too fast, then wait.

Personally, for me and my SO, we want to be together ASAP. Like, I want him moved in with me 6 months ago. :P

Edit: xD I realized this came off as "MOVE IN NOW." What I mean is- it's never too soon to talk about it being possible. Obviously you aren't planning on moving in or anything for quite a few months now if that's just his first visit, so I see nothing wrong with it.

[Jazi]

it says you started your relationship on the first of feb this year.. for me that would be too soon to think of moving in together on a serious level. Also depending on how old you are and what the distance/reasons for your distance are i would give you a different answer on what i consider 'too soon'.

I'd need more detailed info on your relationship to form an opinion but to be honest, my opinion doesn't really matter. Its what YOU feel that is right.. and by the sounds of it you are doubting it. I do think though that maybe you could keep the idea as an 'we are working towards this' but not have it set in stone? your relationship is VERY young.. take the time to get to know each other and enjoy it before you jump in to the complicated and stressful process of ending the distance. Live in the present

EDIT - just reread your post and your profile.. you two haven't even met yet.. I would seriously put on the brakes with thinking about ending the distance right now! Meeting is the first step and trust me, it doesn't matter how much you skype or webcam.. nothing can prepare you for meeting them, it'll be a whole different level once you've met. Take a breath, keep your head in reality (out of the dreamy clouds) and take one step at a time.. Meeting will be nerve-wrecking enough without major pressure on your relationship to end the distance..

[alesitag]

We're not teenagers, I turned 30 today and he's 37... Of course, it would take time to get all things right (we both know we want to get married before start living together)... By the time I go to Canada, we will be celebrating our 4 months anniversary... I have no doubts this is a once in a life time kind of love, everything so far feels so natural between us... And of course we still have lots of things to learn about each other... But it does make me happy to know we are on the same page and we want to work towards our future together...

[Michelle]

We're not teenagers, I turned 30 today and he's 37... Of course, it would take time to get all things right (we both know we want to get married before start living together)... By the time I go to Canada, we will be celebrating our 4 months anniversary... I have no doubts this is a once in a life time kind of love, everything so far feels so natural between us... And of course we still have lots of things to learn about each other... But it does make me happy to know we are on the same page and we want to work towards our future together...

Whether or not you are teenagers would not change my advice.

[alesitag]

Yes we havent met yet, that's why he says we should meet first and take it from there...

And no, I'm not trying desperately to get married either or leave home ASAP...

---------- Post added at 12:18 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:14 AM ----------

Haha.. I know Michelle, I was answering a question on one of the other posts I truly appreciate all of your comments... We do not want to make any mistakes or rush into something to end up heartbroken

[Jazi]

We're not teenagers, I turned 30 today and he's 37... Of course, it would take time to get all things right (we both know we want to get married before start living together)... By the time I go to Canada, we will be celebrating our 4 months anniversary... I have no doubts this is a once in a life time kind of love, everything so far feels so natural between us... And of course we still have lots of things to learn about each other... But it does make me happy to know we are on the same page and we want to work towards our future together...

I appreciate that you both are not young lovey dovey teenagers.. but it doesn't matter how old, young, how much experience you've had or not had.. nothing excuses/makes up for not having met in person.. you don't want to get too far ahead of yourself no matter how old (or young) you are. I met my SO over the internet also.. we were friends for 2 years before we were both actually single.. We had been in the "exclusive" stage for 4 months before he flew out to Australia to meet me.. but we didn't officially state ourselves as a "couple" until the day we met.

yes, I realize I am a lot younger than you are.. but i don't think that this particular situation discriminates or takes age into account.. you can't know the person 100% until you have met. At 4 months of me and my boyfriend being 'exclusive' there is no way I could have thought about the details of ending the distance. Yes, we did talk about a timeline and if either of us was willing to move to the other.. but your thoughts seem to be a lot deeper than that. Take the time to get to know each other first, don't put the pressure on the first meet with talking about ending the distance..

of course this is all just my opinion but I have gone through what you have, i'm not judging you from the outside. I've experienced it first hand and I couldn't even explain to you how nerve-wrecking and exciting and different than i could have imagined it was to meet my SO. I believe thats a step that needs to be taken before you map out your lives together

[alesitag]

Yes! That's one thing We know for sure... We must see how we get along, have more visits, meet each other's families, get to know each other a lot better, solve some money issues as well and stuff like that

Thank you very much

[Jazi]

Yes! That's one thing We know for sure... We must see how we get along, have more visits, meet each other's families, get to know each other a lot better, solve some money issues as well and stuff like that

Thank you very much

good to hear that you have your head on your shoulders then

just to add - I haven't ended the distance either but are starting to look at going through the process. If you seriously want to become CDR within the next 2 years you have to get pretty serious about the Visa side of it early on. Familiarizing yourself with the visa you will need and the kind of info about your relationship you will need to document will be good to keep in mind as you'll need to collect/store it so it's on hand when you actually go for the visa . keeping things like emails/plane tickets/letters and the international envelops.. it's all worth keeping and is good 'evidence' for your relationship.

good luck and make sure to post telling us all about how your first meet goes

[MeganK]

Id give it a little more time.
u shouldnt be suppporting ur parents either.

[LeilaniJoi]

I met my SO in person 2 months after we met online, moved in together 2 months after that and we have lived together for almost a year now. Granted it wasn't an international move but it was 800 miles for me. Other than normal adjustments things have been great.

I don't think there is a set answer for this, it really depends on the people involved and only those people can say definitely what is too soon for them. Jmho

[usmcgirl]

I'm only 15, but I did want to say this -
You said you want to get married before you move in together. You also said, by the time this all happens, you will be celebrating your four month ann.
You want to get married after four months of dating?
I'm sorry, I may be young and inexperienced but I would say slow the hell down. I'm not trying to be critical or anything, but I really think you all should get to know each other a little more and see how you two do with jobs and routines and such. Maybe there's religious restrictions as to why you don't want to move in before marriage, but I think it's fairly wise in a relationship. This is just my opinion..

[Sunbeam]

I'm only 15, but I did want to say this -
You said you want to get married before you move in together. You also said, by the time this all happens, you will be celebrating your four month ann.
You want to get married after four months of dating?
I'm sorry, I may be young and inexperienced but I would say slow the hell down. I'm not trying to be critical or anything, but I really think you all should get to know each other a little more and see how you two do with jobs and routines and such. Maybe there's religious restrictions as to why you don't want to move in before marriage, but I think it's fairly wise in a relationship. This is just my opinion..

Nothing was said about getting married on the first meeting....

Anyway, it's nice to see you're realistic, and I see nothing wrong with talk of closing the distance, my SO and I just met for the first time on the 9th of March and we're already talking time frames and realistic things about closing the distance.

Good luck with your meeting and such!

[alesitag]

Ok, I think I got you all confused lol...

1. We will first meet somewhere around May/June. The plan right now is me visiting him, since he's having a hard time financially speaking. However this could change and we could end up meeting "halfway" (somewhere in Texas) if things get better for him during the next couple of months.
2. What he meant when he asked me to wait till we meet before buying a house so we can make a decision together, wasn't for me to move right back in... But to see how the connection we share translates when we get to be together and start planning based on it.
3. Yes, we talked about it right from the beginning, we both think we should wait to get married in order to live together, we respect those who choose differently, but we have our personal reasons other than religion. However, we know our point of view could change over time.

I'm sorry if I had the wrong impression, I was a bit overwhelmed and didn't express myself properly