I need some advice here...

[lyonsgirl]

In December my company asked me to move to Texas to work on this project. I talked it over with my SO and three days later I accepted. I talked to some friends about it as I was trying to make the decision, and a long-time friend from high school said to me, "I wouldn't be able to do it." He was basically telling me that he thought it is a bad idea. I said yes because I firmly believe that this will advance my career with this company, and I love what I'm doing here in TX.

I miss my SO every single day, but I know that this will be good for our future family. (Which was the deciding factor in my "yes" response) So I was just talking with my friend and I said that I'm excited for next weekend and I miss him, and told him that he has no idea how lucky he is to live near his SO. Which prompted him to say that we lived together for a long time. (It was a little over 3 months.) And that I chose to take this job. I feel like he's basically telling me that it's my fault we're apart (and yes, it is.) and that I shouldn't complain/miss him.

I'm getting so frustrated with my friend. He complains when he can't see his SO for a week. I try to say nice things to him, and tell him that it will be okay and everything, but inside I just get so annoyed.

So, I needed to vent. And ask if anyone else deals with friends who are in CD relationships and what you do when they complain about their SOs.

[floridaellen]

My best friend from middle/high school is just like that. She will say "You went to college in Florida so you knew this would happen" as if following my dreams and getting an affordable education was a bad thing. If her boyfriend doesn't sleep over one night she texts me how upset she is and how much she misses him. It has gotten a little better though thankfully.

I just let it roll off my back. My education in Florida, much like your job in Texas, will be very beneficial in the future. Your friend and my friend are not involved in our relationships and therefore cannot fully understand the specifics. Just remember that. And be a little snappy. That's what I do :P

[ChrisJones]

My Friend gets to see his SO about once a month, they live 10 minutes from each other but her parents don't let her out of the house because they hate my friend's guts. To them they aren't together, my friend doesn't exist. I understand what he is going through and it is tough but when he complains non stop about how hard it is and then tells me it is my own fault for being in an LDR and that I shouldnt complain I get pissed off and tell him how lucky he is.
You have to tell them that if they arent going to support your LDR then you dont need to support their CD relationship. No right to complain if you don't get to see them for one night when we have to wait much longer.
Just my opinion...

[lyonsgirl]

Thanks guys. It's nice to know I'm not alone in dealing with this...

@floridaellen: I'm trying really hard to just let it go. He bought a house a few years ago 5 minutes from his parents' house, so he's never really moved anywhere. He went to college about 2 hours from home, so he could go home on weekends. (Nothing wrong with that-I just grew up moving all over.) I know he doesn't understand, so I'm trying hard.

@ChrisJones I also try really hard not to complain about my LDR to anyone-I don't want to be like that. I focus on the good things when I'm talking to my friends and tell nice stories and share when I get to see him again. And if I were to tell him that he has no right to complain because they didn't see each other that night, he would use the same excuse he's continually using: "Well we don't see each other that much during the week. We're too busy." (And when he says that after whining about missing her, I just want to hit him. It's a good thing he lives in Pennsylvania...)

[Bethypoo]

You know what, his opinion doesn't matter. You and your SO discussed it and made the decision together. who cares about who is a fault for making the relationship long distance.

Distance is distance and it sucks either way. Your SO supported your decision and that is what matters. And like you said, it will better your future both as a individual in your career and as a couple. I know it is hard not to take what friends say so personally, we all deal with this at one time or another with that one friend who means so much, but to an extent, they just need to shoosh. Because he is just making things harder for you than they need to be.

[lyonsgirl]

You know what, his opinion doesn't matter. You and your SO discussed it and made the decision together. who cares about who is a fault for making the relationship long distance.

Thank you. And if you want to get technical, it's both of our faults. I mean, he could have moved with me to Texas. But we decided it made more sense for him to stay in Georgia so he can continue the full time job hunt. My company's HQ is in Georgia, so that was a large factor in our decision (because there is a possibility I will go back to HQ after this project).

[Dauntedpoet]

So I was just talking with my friend and I said that I'm excited for next weekend and I miss him, and told him that he has no idea how lucky he is to live near his SO. Which prompted him to say that we lived together for a long time. (It was a little over 3 months.) And that I chose to take this job. I feel like he's basically telling me that it's my fault we're apart (and yes, it is.) and that I shouldn't complain/miss him.

I am sorry your friend made you feel bad. The only thing that I can say, the only thing that might ease the sting of his atrocious words, is that MAYBE he is one of those people that don't actually hear what your saying... they hear their own version of what your saying. So when you say..'he has no idea how lucky he is to live near his SO'.. He is hearing 'you have no right to complain'.. or 'you take for granted that you live near her'. Its a poor excuse at best.. but it might let you tolerate him.

[lyonsgirl]

So when you say..'he has no idea how lucky he is to live near his SO'.. He is hearing 'you have no right to complain'.. or 'you take for granted that you live near her'.

I don't think I thought of it like that. But in a way, I think I do mean the "you take for granted" part. I know that when we were in a CDR we took it for granted. (and even though the first 6 months of our relationship was CD, it felt like LD because we were both so busy with school!) We were lucky enough to live together for a few months, and my friend was jealous of us then. We weren't planning on living together, but our situation put us there. So, yea. I'm jealous of him now because he gets to be with his SO when he wants to be. They have their own lives-which is definitely important. Just frustrating when she went home he was all whiny. Note: she only went home for Christmas, so it was for a few days.

I don't think I will ever tell him that I think he's being rude/mean/etc. I hope I can just let it roll off and make the most of our situation. We love each other, and we're going to get married one day. We both know that, and we'll get there eventually. 800 miles doesn't make a difference.

[LilyChiba]

Sounds like my sister. She lives with her BF and constantly complains about him not being around when they get to lay in bed at night together most nights. It's like O.o... ok... But she also complains a lot about him in general haha. So I try to brush it off.

[lyonsgirl]

My friend's younger brother got engaged this weekend, and now he seems frustrated because his girlfriend is determined to get married in October ("because she's wanted a fall wedding for like... ever" (his words...)) and he's afraid that his brother will want to get married in october 2013, which means they would have to wait another year... (i told him that if she really doesn't want to wait another year she will be flexible about it.)

maybe i just need to not talk to him about relationships, i always end up getting annoyed when we do...

[usmcgirl]

I think what everyone else has said is right, but I hate looking at threads & not replying. I get soo annoyed, because when I ahd my facebook, my newsfeed was covered in "omg missing my guy so much " and "ugh can't wiat to see him! it's been foreverrrr" When, in all actuality, "foreverrrr" was 2 days, at best. It's very frustrating but (as others have said) you just have to let it roll off your back.

[lyonsgirl]

I think what everyone else has said is right, but I hate looking at threads & not replying. I get soo annoyed, because when I ahd my facebook, my newsfeed was covered in "omg missing my guy so much " and "ugh can't wiat to see him! it's been foreverrrr" When, in all actuality, "foreverrrr" was 2 days, at best. It's very frustrating but (as others have said) you just have to let it roll off your back.

yea, and letting things roll off me is definitely one of the hardest thing for me to do. i'm trying really hard to respond with less words and to ask more questions instead of saying things i might regret later. yea... i'm trying. but it's not going that well.

unrelated note: but i am pretty sure i got truly annoyed/frustrated at my SO's parents for the first time ever. he just realized that he will be able to go to an event that he participated in all through college-and i asked them if they could make up some excuse as to why he couldn't borrow the car for the evening. they said they're "not up for telling him no about the car because "that will irritate him & i'm not going to irritate him."" i have already talked to them about it-last week-and they said we could borrow a car to go to it. i'm trying to make this thing a surprise, but they're making it hard. (but seriously. why don't you want to irritate him?! if you say no, he can't borrow the car, he won't get that irritated. he's visiting. he knows you might need both cars! arrrrrrrrrrghhhhh.) i'm letting it go though... i'm letting it go. i have to. because he might not even ask until he lands on friday morning, and the event is friday night. and if he doesn't ask until then, i'll be there soon anyway. so... sorry for my vent.

[dglynn77]

unrelated note: but i am pretty sure i got truly annoyed/frustrated at my SO's parents for the first time ever. he just realized that he will be able to go to an event that he participated in all through college-and i asked them if they could make up some excuse as to why he couldn't borrow the car for the evening. they said they're "not up for telling him no about the car because "that will irritate him & i'm not going to irritate him."" i have already talked to them about it-last week-and they said we could borrow a car to go to it. i'm trying to make this thing a surprise, but they're making it hard. (but seriously. why don't you want to irritate him?! if you say no, he can't borrow the car, he won't get that irritated. he's visiting. he knows you might need both cars! arrrrrrrrrrghhhhh.) i'm letting it go though... i'm letting it go. i have to. because he might not even ask until he lands on friday morning, and the event is friday night. and if he doesn't ask until then, i'll be there soon anyway. so... sorry for my vent.

That's frustrating! Hope that works out well for you!
Sometimes I get frustrated when things like that come up... i'm like, isn't being LD hard enough? Can't everything else please cooperate??? lol

[13000km]

As frustrating as it is, look at it this way. He doesn't think you deserve to complain because you chose to move away. You don't think he deserves to complain because he's in a CD relationship. You both want the other to stop complaining, and neither of you are wrong. No matter what kind of relationship you're in there's going to be something that doesn't go exactly the way you want it to. When that happens you'll need somebody to talk to. But because of the way you're looking at each other's relationships, you end up getting frustrated at each other. The best thing to do right now is to be a listening ear to him, like you've always been, and bring your complaints about your own relationship somewhere else (here, for example) until he is mature enough to understand that your decision to move away does not make being in a LDR any easier.

[lyonsgirl]

@dglynn77 it is frustrating, but i'm letting it go. i have to, otherwise i'll just always be angry. but yes, i totally agree with you. it's like from the opening scene of "The Incredibles" during Mr. Incredible's interview, "I feel like the maid! Can't the world just stay saved for 5 minutes?"

@13000km That's what I've been doing. I let him talk about his relationship and help him when he asks, but I won't talk to him about my relationship anymore. At least, I don't bring it up. If he asks about it, I'm trying really hard to give vague/minimal details. Or say things like, "We got to Skype last night, so that was good." and that's it. I know if I don't I'll just get mad again, and it's not worth it to get mad at him. He doesn't know, so, okay. He can think I made a mistake to move away. But this is my life, and I'm not going to let a friend screw up the relationship I have with the man I know I am going to spend the rest of my life with (even if we aren't engaged, haha!).