Jealousy

[MAB15]

Just a few questions for everyone.

Do you experience jealousy more in CDR or LDR?
How do you deal with it?
What is the worst experience with jealousy you've gone through?
What is the best way you've dealt with it that makes you feel proud?
How does your partner handle it when you get jealous?
Are you ever worried that your jealousy is 'too much'?

Thanks everyone!!

[Swederica]

I prolly don't qualify to answer. But you said everyone so haha.

Our relationship will be CDR in a few months. I guess i can come back then with a better answer. But i can't from now see why i would get more jealous. the only reason would be that when it is CDR i actually see them spend time together, which i'm saved from by being LDR. If you understood haha. I'm a confusing fellow.

Jealousy, or the little i've experience. I'm the guy in my relationship so i should be the jealous one. But whenever i feel a bit jealous i tell her that and she calms me down by saying that she doesn't want anyone else then me. If i need more comfort then that i just ask her friends.

The worst kind of jealousy i've experienced, or well maybe not jealousy but still. It was one day when my SO had been at her friends house for some kind of thing, i can't remember. And she tells me that she kissed someone.
And she tells me "He was my friend's....." and by that time i'm like exploding. And then finally she tells me it was her dog. And i tell you. It was not a very funny joke haha. My heart was literally all over the walls, from the explosion i said earlier.

The best way is like the only way. I trust her words. If she tells me i have NOTHING to get jealous about, then i must trust her. There's no room for distrust in an LDR. That won't work. So either you feel you have a mature girl you feel you can trust or it's basically doomed to fail.

Very well i would say. She's a very understanding girl and whenever i get jealous she makes everything she can so i can feel that i'm the only one in her life.

No. Or well a few times i was. But then i just asked her if she felt it was "too much" and she said no. We are very open about what we feel and think.

Hope i was to some help haha.

[Sixx]

First I'd like to clarify that I'm not a really jealous person.

Do you experience jealousy more in CDR or LDR?
I definitely felt more jealous in a CDR (I had my reasons though!)
How do you deal with it?
I remind myself that he is with ME, and also if I get worse I try to contact him and have a chat/send a few texts as a way of ''reassuring'' myself the first point.
What is the worst experience with jealousy you've gone through?
It was with my ex. He studied and lived out of town during the week, and he shared a flat with two other students, one of them was a girl. And they had some stuff going on some time ago. I trusted him but not HER.
What is the best way you've dealt with it that makes you feel proud?
I talked about it all with him.
How does your partner handle it when you get jealous?
My current boyfriend reassures me whenever it's needed, which I think it's good because my ex just kept saying I sometimes got too paranoid and that made me feel even worse about it.
Are you ever worried that your jealousy is 'too much'?
Nope, not at all.

[ntenzer]

Do you experience jealousy more in CDR or LDR?
I'm definitely more jealous in a LDR. I get jealous of EVERYTHING: the people he studies with, people he hang out with, etc. I think I'm jealous that they get to spend all day, everyday with him and I only get to talk to him for a little bit each day. When he goes out at night, I become even more jealous, though. Jeffrey's a friendly guy and he loves to dance and have a good time, so if that means him dancing with another girl, he'll do it. I HATE it. But he tells me that it's innocent dancing and I have to trust him. I do trust him, I just don't like the fact that he's that close to someone else. Idk, maybe that's just me.

How do you deal with it?
I try not to think about it, but of course that doesn't work. But it's usually easier when I talk to him after he's been with other people so I know he's still thinking about me.

What is the worst experience with jealousy you've gone through?
Well, he just started med school in St Maarten April 30th and since then, I'm having a really tough time. I'm jealous of every one and every thing on that island. I decided to go see a psychologist last week so that I could help myself get through it. I know that if all I talk about is how jealous I am, he'll start to think I don't trust him, and our relationship will probably end up ending.

What is the best way you've dealt with it that makes you feel proud?
In the past, I would just talk to him about it.

How does your partner handle it when you get jealous?
He doesn't like it (hence the reason I'm seeing someone). But, he tells me he loves me and that I'm 100% his and the people he spends time with in med school aren't the people that he's in love with.

Are you ever worried that your jealousy is 'too much'?
All the time

[xsomanymilesx]

Do you experience jealousy more in CDR or LDR?
both the same really...
How do you deal with it?
mostly i either talk to my friends and they tell me im being silly or i get mad, ive only gotten jelous like once or twice during my current relationship which is good.
What is the worst experience with jealousy you've gone through?
well currently in my LDR, my SO was telling me a story online about his ex and i just exploded at him and told him to shut up. it wasnt very nice. close distance i didnt talk to my ex for a whole day because he accidentally sent the text for his ex to me. :P
What is the best way you've dealt with it that makes you feel proud?
most of the time i''ll take a deep breath and put it into perspective - but that doesnt always happen.
How does your partner handle it when you get jealous?
at first my SO was like 'whats the problem' but then he understood and we agreed not to talk about her. he also reassures me
Are you ever worried that your jealousy is 'too much'?
not really, since it doesnt come out often

[folclor]

Do you experience jealousy more in CDR or LDR?
Dunno, never been in a CDR before.
How do you deal with it?
Well, I take a deep breath, remember I'm not dating my ex and that my guy has stuck with me through a lot of crap so there's no reason to worry.
What is the worst experience with jealousy you've gone through?
um...well, one time I was talking to Alex and he had gone to a concert with his best friend, the friend's family, and the friend's girlfriend. when he came home he said, "So...uh...I got a kiss tonight." That made my heart break and my jealousy soar, but I just asked him what happened and he told me. It actually turned out to be funny and the girl didn't kiss him on purpose and he didn't want to kiss her (he turned around as she tripped and went forward which resulted in her lips getting pressed to his).
What is the best way you've dealt with it that makes you feel proud?
um...I just let it go. I don't have a way that makes me feel proud because sometimes I freak out about it but I never tell him because I know he's not doing anything wrong.
How does your partner handle it when you get jealous?
Oh, he doesn't kknow. And if he does he finds out about it after the fact and then he can't really do anything about it so he shrugs it off.
Are you ever worried that your jealousy is 'too much'?
I know I freak out too much but I don't think I'm too jealous, no.

[ntenzer]

I reassure myself by re-reading the emails he sends me. Every night before I go to sleep, I email him to say good morning (he reads it when he wakes up) and to tell him I love him, miss him, etc. When he wakes up for class in the mornings, he emails me back. So when I'm going through the long day wondering what he's doing, I re-read the emails he sent me in the previous few days.

[lunamea]

Do you experience jealousy more in CDR or LDR?
I think it equals out. I get jealous easily and I don't hide it very well, so I think it's actually less of a problem LD because I don't know exactly when my husband came home from going out and I can more easily take an 'out' and calm myself down before talking to him again.

How do you deal with it?
I try to stay calm because I'm hot-tempered and know that if I think things through for a little while, I will think much more clearly and not get as angry and jump my hb's throat. It doesn't always work, though, but I'm trying.

What is the worst experience with jealousy you've gone through?
There were quite some that are quite ridiculous in retrospect... on my part, it is mostly because I get jealous of everyone, even his male friends or family. *sigh* There was one case when my hb's sister (jokingly) slapped his behind, but I didn't think it was too funny and also whenever he told me about his ex-girlfriends. A particularly bad experience was when I visited home after 4 months of studying abroad and I found a new SIM card in our apartment and accused him of having bought an additional cell phone number so that his calls/texts couldn't be traced back. Turned out he had gotten the SIM for free (as an advertisement gag) in a phone store where he buys phone cards to talk to his family abroad. *blush*
On his part, the worst experience was when I talked to a random guy (who had started talking to me) at the bus stop and my husband came along and saw us. He was really mad but refused to admit he was jealous or that he was afraid of losing me. He just said I had no business talking to strange guys like that and that I should've just ignored the guy. I have to give it to him that, if I would've been in his shoes, I would have been livid, too. We just have very low tolerance levels in that respect... he doesn't have any female friends and I don't have male friends at home, either, and we're very strict about flirting with/touching other people.

What is the best way you've dealt with it that makes you feel proud?
The few times I've managed not to let on that I'm upset and just pretended to take it lightly. After some time passes, I've then calmed down and don't think about it again.

How does your partner handle it when you get jealous?
He gets really angry because he sees it as a lack of trust that he doesn't deserve because he's never given me any reason to distrust him. This is why I can't really talk to him about it, because he doesn't understand why I worry and feels insulted in his loyalty and faithfulness by my jealousy. It's difficult because, as he sees my jealousy as an accusation, he gets mad immediately and he can't reassure me when he's angry at me.

Are you ever worried that your jealousy is 'too much'?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is, but I hope if I manage to stay calm and not make him feel accused, I can handle it.

How do you reassure yourself?
I re-read emails he's written me or think of times when he's told me that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. And I remind myself that he has never cheated on me and that he deserves to be given the benefit of doubt. I imagine how I would feel if he treated me that way (he does get jealous, too, but he usually doesn't show it because he's too proud) and tell myself that he has earned my trust in the past 4 years and that it's really unfair to accuse him of things he hasn't done. And I also try to remember that jealousy has usually more to do with yourself and issues of self-worth than with your partner (unless they have cheated before.)

[Riyko]

Do you experience jealousy more in CDR or LDR?
CDR because i'm always with him and get very protective of him, where as when we're long distance I tend to cherish him and love him more.

How do you deal with it?
Think it over in my head as to why i'm getting jealous

What is the worst experience with jealousy you've gone through?
When he went and hung out with one of our friends from Colombia because they'd always speak spanish when we'd hang out in a group and because I don't understand spanish it'd make me feel really bad. I got so jealous that I told him I don't want him to ever talk to her again. Lets just say it was probably one of the worst moments in our relationship.

What is the best way you've dealt with it that makes you feel proud?
I just take a step back and really think about everything and why i'm feeling the way i feel and then I realize he'd never do anything to hurt me because he really loves me.

How does your partner handle it when you get jealous?
We talk about it and why I feel the way I do

Are you ever worried that your jealousy is 'too much'?
Sometimes

[Zephii]

Do you experience jealousy more in CDR or LDR?
CDR, for sure. Now that I have him, I don't like anything that takes his time away from me, and I feel more insecure. I know this is because now the fight to be together is over.
I'm a jealous person. That's just how it is. Obi is stupidly jealous too, so that makes it fine.

How do you deal with it?
I admit to it. If something he does makes me feel jealous, we discuss it. If I know I'm being irrational, I try to deal with it by logic. If it doesn't go away, we discuss that too, and find a compromise.

What is the worst experience with jealousy you've gone through?
Gee. Uhm. Yeah, I'm not wringing that here

What is the best way you've dealt with it that makes you feel proud?
I like the fact that my feelings, even the irrational jealous ones, are treated as valid in this relationship. But I wouldn't say I've ever felt particulalry proud about overcomming my jealousy.

How does your partner handle it when you get jealous?
Sometimes he gets annoyed, but most of the time he's just really understanding. Once he can see from my persepective, he's a lot like me, and knows how he'd feel in my place/ how I am feeling.

Are you ever worried that your jealousy is 'too much'?
Sometimes. But he is just as bad as I am, and places the same restrictions on me, so that worry passes fairly quickly. Plus being jealous doesn't take away my ability to reason and decide if I'm wrong.

How do you reassure yourself?
I look at the logic of the situation. If that doesn't work, I remind myself of how much he loves and wants me, how long he waited for me, that I'm the only person he's ever truly desired a relationship with. If that doesn't work I snoop through his stuff (I have permission now) and proove to myself he isn't doing anything wrong. Then I usually feel bad enough that my mind drops it for a while. Other times I will directly ask for reassurance, and he is getting very good at responding to this

Most of the time though I don't feel jealous because I think he's going to cheat or do something wrong, I just feel jealous because I want all of his attention He does that as well. We've learnt to just put aside whatever else we are doing and just be with each other. One day I think I'll be secure enough in myself to not feel jealous at all, but for now there's always the fear he'll be taken away or we'll be LD again, and that makes me desperate, clingy and jealous.