Men and failed relationships

[LeilaniJoi]

Do you think it takes men longer to get over a failed long term relationship than it does women? Do you think it takes them longer to learn to trust to the point of full commitment... specifically marriage if they were married previously and it broke apart... especially if they were with someone say 5 or 6 years, but only married for a couple of those years?

[CynicalQuixotic]

You should probably ask your specific question instead of just shrouding it in vague generalities. It would be more helpful for you.

[LeilaniJoi]

Not veiled in anything lol do you feel it takes men longer to trust at that level than it does women.. pretty clear actually.

[11MikesGirl21]

I think stuff like that is all very relative and subjective. It depends on how the relationship came to an end: mutual agreement, cheating, he ended it, his partner did, etc and where the man was left emotionally when it ended. It also depends heavily on who exactly comes along next. That person may be what he needs; they may not. They may just want a rebound to make themselves feel better or they may be ready (maybe if it is sudden/soon) to get into another committed relationship again.

Just because they're men doesn't mean they'll take a longer or shorter time than a woman. Do all women get over a break-up at the same pace? Of course not.

[Zephii]

Short answer: No

Longer answer: Aside from a dislike of generalising (which I realise I do all the time haha) I can't see a reason why this would be true. I know just as many women as men who say "I'm never again falling in love with <gender of their desire>" or who have massive trust issues that they can't let go of. Some people heal and others don't. Logic tells me that while women should theoretically heal faster emotionally because they are more inclined to talk through their issues than men, men on the other had seem to need relationships less and are generally less clingy and invested - so it kind of balances out... in my completely not professional opinion.

[LeilaniJoi]

Thanks that's kind of what i was thinking. A friend and i were having this discussion and i wondered what others thought.

[Rugger]

Depends on the person, not the gender and the break-up downfall of the the relationship. If a woman cheats,or breaks a man's heart, It's a fair guess that it will take him longer to get over that break-up. Men have the same emotions that women do, they just handle them differently.

[lademoiselle]

I too think that the determining factor is the individual him/herself. I don't feel I can add much more to what the previous posters have said.

[13000km]

I actually think that in a long-term relationship, men tend to be more invested, but when they are, the start to build walls to prevent getting hurt. When hurt comes into play anyway, women let themselves "heal" better than men do. They are more open to help the people surrounding them offer, whereas men see the need to fix themselves.
This, of course, is a generalization. So, generally, I think men do take a longer time to trust and fully commit.

[Malaga]

I actually think that in a long-term relationship, men tend to be more invested, but when they are, the start to build walls to prevent getting hurt. When hurt comes into play anyway, women let themselves "heal" better than men do. They are more open to help the people surrounding them offer, whereas men see the need to fix themselves.
This, of course, is a generalization. So, generally, I think men do take a longer time to trust and fully commit.

I would agree. I think men approach long term relationships in a different way. If life is a house, I think men see the relationship as one of the foundations, while women see it as one of the walls. Men lay the foundations, and when they're solid, they tend to leave them as they are and focus on adding walls etc. He focuses on his career, social life, hobbies. While women build relationships like walls, they like to paint them regularly, decorate them, change the layout etc. He is invested in a relationship, but sort of passively, maintaining status quo. He's as dependent on it as house is dependent on solid foundations.
I think the big thing is that men tend to like routine more than women, generally speaking, and they rely on it more. And I think that's a big reason why they tend to feel more lost once that routine is disrupted/the foundation is slipped beneath his feet.

Especially if they went through divorce - I think men often feel, whether rightly or wrongly, that they had it worse in the process. On top of the emotional turmoil, wife usually gets custody of the kids, there's alimony to pay, assets to divide etc. That can make them bitter towards marriage.